the apartment is empty
dishes drying on the rack
blankets folded neatly
but the bed
left
unmade
I stood against the wall
my arms holding me up
blurred vision
with
angry words
flying from my lips
your contestation
your deliberation
masked
what was so
apparent
the hiding place
foreseen as her unwants
and yet
you still want her
you still hold on
you can't
let go...
seeds were planted
but there was
no sunlight
no singing
and now
there will be
no harvest
left overs
but
no second chances...
just another echo
of the door
closing
and the gentle
click
of the lock
being set
again
Tuesday, December 29, 2009
Monday, December 28, 2009
Dreams, Shadow and Bliss
Dreams, Shadow and Bliss
The past in the form of an old lover...
I don't think I ever told you about my first boyfriend and that relationship. It's an experience I don't like to reflect on too much because of what I went through (mentally)..beginning, middle, end...but it's a perfect example of the reward received when choosing to perceive it as a 'lesson' or 'gift'. Certainly, an unconventional one.
I do not trust easily, as most share that same sentiment. What I would like to do is share, with you, my journey of how I have come to be here now...basking in the awareness of this blissful state...receiving wisdom and enlightenment....and love....from within myself.
J.G. was my first boyfriend, first love, first many things. We lived in the same neighborhood and went to elementary, junior high and high school together. We shared many stories, secrets, laughs....and would fall asleep on the phone simultaneously. To say succinctly, we were best friends from the start....
And life, as it happens to some, became very much like a Dali painting. Beautiful, strange, confused, dark, ethereal. Through both our parents' divorces, family members (and his own) drug addictions, infidelities, loved ones murdered, drop outs, guns, sexual assaults, creepy teachers and their propositions, babies, moves across countries and/or oceans...our lives intertwined, intercepted and seemed to draw to a close. And our spiritual contract with each other, nullified.
Fast forward to a decade later, my own multitude of love affairs becoming ingredients for saturated stories accompanied with doubt, fear, mistrust and suspicion. The end result morphing (again and again) into self destruction, pain and unhappiness. And in the midst of this onslaught, J.G. found me again, showing remorse
for his infidelities and lies with three mini versions of himself now, a reminder of the past...and an emergence of what I had tried to suppress and ignore from the beginning....
And I decided to stop what I was doing. I then grabbed a shovel and started digging inside of myself. Looking at and through every tragic event, realizing my patterns and habits led up to this: the innumerable amount of times I often withdrew to the insides of my cage...sitting in the dark corners of my shadow self, unwilling to let go of what I had only known: chaos, dysfunction, unhealthy environments, situations...people.
I never allowed myself to grow. I realized that I was not moving forward. I didn't want to look towards the bright parts that were shining in the distance. I didn't embrace the lessons that masked themselves in these circumstances. I didn't succumb or surrender myself to the mystery of the Unknown. Instead, I retreated and welcomed the sunless sky...unknowingly attracting more and more anguish...and misery.
The little girl inside me stayed a victim and it was only until decades of introspection, healing, and a willingness to open myself up instead of closing myself off...would that part of me, grow and evolve into the powerful woman I am today.
Last night, tossing and turning in my bed, I contemplated the new relationship I was in. It's not ideal. It's not perfect. And I found myself (again) only concentrating on the aspects I disliked, becoming critical and disheartened. I also started to create a scenario (in my head) of what I thought the relationship was: just another avenue that dead ended into pain, heartache and suffering. The Victim and Saboteur inside me were joining forces, contributing to the already indestructible armor/defense I carried with me from the beginning.
Then, the voices started in. Whispering thoughts that seemed viable. Was it varying in truth? What was HE doing? Why? How? What? ???
They were relentless. Each question more prominent than the previous one. I almost caved in. I almost went back to where I was before...but then, a new voice sang, "Is this all relevant and necessary? What have you learned from your past experiences? What have you gained? What have you chosen? Remember who you are, step into your power."
That's when I saw the holes. Pockets of darkness left behind from each of those mishaps. Each one carrying the weight of my past, leaving me unfulfilled and empty. Like a hunger unsatiated.
So, it came down to making a decision. What did I want to put my energy towards? What did I want to emanate and radiate?
I closed my eyes again and went into a dream. I dreamt of bridges and former lovers. Each one related to the past and an old wound. I knew instinctually what to do. We would meet in the middle, share and exchange, speaking from our deepest depths, our sources of Truth. I desired closure and I received it through each conversation, opening myself up to forgiveness, compassion and in doing so each hole filled up with light. I also noticed a cord that connected us and after each discussion it was severed cleanly.
Then, I saw variations of my selves: newborn, infant, little girl, adolescent, teenager, young woman and now. They were off to the side, waiting patiently. My dreaming self went up to each one with a smile and with both arms open for an embrace. Individually, they stepped forward willingly. With each connection, they became a part of Me. Healed, rejuvenated and whole.
I find that it's quite easy to slip into old habits, especially when emotions are involved. To think on new levels, to approach a situation differently, to go outside of your comfort zone is challenging, certainly, but there is great reward at the end. I have realized that I prefer being part of the compassion and love of life, then to be the bearer of confusion and chaos. However, the journey through the 'shadow' parts of yourself (i.e. chaos, confusion, sadness) can also be a catalyst for change and growth as long as you're open to that particular lesson. I deem it unhealthy to dwell there too long. Finding the balance is key.
There is much I have learned in this past year. My guides and teachers have come from the most unexpected places. I am eternally grateful for everything: my life, my friends...who I have become in this amazing transformation.
I hope that this insight has helped you in some way.
Through my internal expedition, I have found the answers you need are within you. The love and guidance you seek is not outside of yourself but within.
You and you alone can disintegrate those barriers...allowing yourself to learn, grow, change and evolve...but that choice is, of course, up to you.
As for J.G., I now see that he was a great teacher (I'm sure unbeknownst to him) and his part in my life helped to enrich my growth in ways I would have never been able to attain on my own. He, and all the light and shadow parts of my life, have helped me reach the level of awareness I have come to appreciate exponentially.
In gratitude and eternal love,
A
The past in the form of an old lover...
I don't think I ever told you about my first boyfriend and that relationship. It's an experience I don't like to reflect on too much because of what I went through (mentally)..beginning, middle, end...but it's a perfect example of the reward received when choosing to perceive it as a 'lesson' or 'gift'. Certainly, an unconventional one.
I do not trust easily, as most share that same sentiment. What I would like to do is share, with you, my journey of how I have come to be here now...basking in the awareness of this blissful state...receiving wisdom and enlightenment....and love....from within myself.
J.G. was my first boyfriend, first love, first many things. We lived in the same neighborhood and went to elementary, junior high and high school together. We shared many stories, secrets, laughs....and would fall asleep on the phone simultaneously. To say succinctly, we were best friends from the start....
And life, as it happens to some, became very much like a Dali painting. Beautiful, strange, confused, dark, ethereal. Through both our parents' divorces, family members (and his own) drug addictions, infidelities, loved ones murdered, drop outs, guns, sexual assaults, creepy teachers and their propositions, babies, moves across countries and/or oceans...our lives intertwined, intercepted and seemed to draw to a close. And our spiritual contract with each other, nullified.
Fast forward to a decade later, my own multitude of love affairs becoming ingredients for saturated stories accompanied with doubt, fear, mistrust and suspicion. The end result morphing (again and again) into self destruction, pain and unhappiness. And in the midst of this onslaught, J.G. found me again, showing remorse
for his infidelities and lies with three mini versions of himself now, a reminder of the past...and an emergence of what I had tried to suppress and ignore from the beginning....
And I decided to stop what I was doing. I then grabbed a shovel and started digging inside of myself. Looking at and through every tragic event, realizing my patterns and habits led up to this: the innumerable amount of times I often withdrew to the insides of my cage...sitting in the dark corners of my shadow self, unwilling to let go of what I had only known: chaos, dysfunction, unhealthy environments, situations...people.
I never allowed myself to grow. I realized that I was not moving forward. I didn't want to look towards the bright parts that were shining in the distance. I didn't embrace the lessons that masked themselves in these circumstances. I didn't succumb or surrender myself to the mystery of the Unknown. Instead, I retreated and welcomed the sunless sky...unknowingly attracting more and more anguish...and misery.
The little girl inside me stayed a victim and it was only until decades of introspection, healing, and a willingness to open myself up instead of closing myself off...would that part of me, grow and evolve into the powerful woman I am today.
Last night, tossing and turning in my bed, I contemplated the new relationship I was in. It's not ideal. It's not perfect. And I found myself (again) only concentrating on the aspects I disliked, becoming critical and disheartened. I also started to create a scenario (in my head) of what I thought the relationship was: just another avenue that dead ended into pain, heartache and suffering. The Victim and Saboteur inside me were joining forces, contributing to the already indestructible armor/defense I carried with me from the beginning.
Then, the voices started in. Whispering thoughts that seemed viable. Was it varying in truth? What was HE doing? Why? How? What? ???
They were relentless. Each question more prominent than the previous one. I almost caved in. I almost went back to where I was before...but then, a new voice sang, "Is this all relevant and necessary? What have you learned from your past experiences? What have you gained? What have you chosen? Remember who you are, step into your power."
That's when I saw the holes. Pockets of darkness left behind from each of those mishaps. Each one carrying the weight of my past, leaving me unfulfilled and empty. Like a hunger unsatiated.
So, it came down to making a decision. What did I want to put my energy towards? What did I want to emanate and radiate?
I closed my eyes again and went into a dream. I dreamt of bridges and former lovers. Each one related to the past and an old wound. I knew instinctually what to do. We would meet in the middle, share and exchange, speaking from our deepest depths, our sources of Truth. I desired closure and I received it through each conversation, opening myself up to forgiveness, compassion and in doing so each hole filled up with light. I also noticed a cord that connected us and after each discussion it was severed cleanly.
Then, I saw variations of my selves: newborn, infant, little girl, adolescent, teenager, young woman and now. They were off to the side, waiting patiently. My dreaming self went up to each one with a smile and with both arms open for an embrace. Individually, they stepped forward willingly. With each connection, they became a part of Me. Healed, rejuvenated and whole.
I find that it's quite easy to slip into old habits, especially when emotions are involved. To think on new levels, to approach a situation differently, to go outside of your comfort zone is challenging, certainly, but there is great reward at the end. I have realized that I prefer being part of the compassion and love of life, then to be the bearer of confusion and chaos. However, the journey through the 'shadow' parts of yourself (i.e. chaos, confusion, sadness) can also be a catalyst for change and growth as long as you're open to that particular lesson. I deem it unhealthy to dwell there too long. Finding the balance is key.
There is much I have learned in this past year. My guides and teachers have come from the most unexpected places. I am eternally grateful for everything: my life, my friends...who I have become in this amazing transformation.
I hope that this insight has helped you in some way.
Through my internal expedition, I have found the answers you need are within you. The love and guidance you seek is not outside of yourself but within.
You and you alone can disintegrate those barriers...allowing yourself to learn, grow, change and evolve...but that choice is, of course, up to you.
As for J.G., I now see that he was a great teacher (I'm sure unbeknownst to him) and his part in my life helped to enrich my growth in ways I would have never been able to attain on my own. He, and all the light and shadow parts of my life, have helped me reach the level of awareness I have come to appreciate exponentially.
In gratitude and eternal love,
A
Wednesday, December 9, 2009
The Battle
There are some things I can deny
only for so long...
it was one of the main reasons
why I wrote so spontaneously
and enigmatically
but, you know....
it was really the only way...
drawing you in
captivating your...
curiosity.
constantly pushing the boundaries
with words
and unspoken innuendos.
few understand the reasons
why we live as we do
why we do what we do...
why we must
continually immerse ourselves
into battle
again
and
again.
I am speaking
to the Mac I once knew
all those years ago
eyes full of fire
and passion
and rage
for the many injustices
witnessed
and endured.
I wonder...
if those same eyes
still reflect
the soul
of a poet warrior
I once sat with
on a park bench swing
talking and sharing
into the night...
our stories converging
and twisting
like branches of an ancient Oak tree...
or
do they reflect
someone I
no longer know?
Sometimes, I'm envious.
I see strollers and white picket fences.
Songs full of joy and vigor.
And I sit with stories
and secrets...
exploitation
greed
abuse
wives that are
'legal prostitutes'
masquerading as marriages
how different our worlds are
how isolated I sometimes feel
wanting so much to appreciate
all these good things
but knowing what needs to be done
that in order for me to fully comprehend
the chaos
to engage in battle
is to first understand it.
And that,
is only the beginning.
only for so long...
it was one of the main reasons
why I wrote so spontaneously
and enigmatically
but, you know....
it was really the only way...
drawing you in
captivating your...
curiosity.
constantly pushing the boundaries
with words
and unspoken innuendos.
few understand the reasons
why we live as we do
why we do what we do...
why we must
continually immerse ourselves
into battle
again
and
again.
I am speaking
to the Mac I once knew
all those years ago
eyes full of fire
and passion
and rage
for the many injustices
witnessed
and endured.
I wonder...
if those same eyes
still reflect
the soul
of a poet warrior
I once sat with
on a park bench swing
talking and sharing
into the night...
our stories converging
and twisting
like branches of an ancient Oak tree...
or
do they reflect
someone I
no longer know?
Sometimes, I'm envious.
I see strollers and white picket fences.
Songs full of joy and vigor.
And I sit with stories
and secrets...
exploitation
greed
abuse
wives that are
'legal prostitutes'
masquerading as marriages
how different our worlds are
how isolated I sometimes feel
wanting so much to appreciate
all these good things
but knowing what needs to be done
that in order for me to fully comprehend
the chaos
to engage in battle
is to first understand it.
And that,
is only the beginning.
Wednesday, November 11, 2009
What If
What if the word victim could be redefined into something closer to hero...
..... recognizing that the path some have tread
will spare others from the same?
From where each goes.......... others learn.
You save the day, again - The Universe
..... recognizing that the path some have tread
will spare others from the same?
From where each goes.......... others learn.
You save the day, again - The Universe
Tuesday, November 3, 2009
Unsolicited Advice for the Good of 'Mankind'
Unsolicited Advice for the Good of ‘Mankind’
Gentlemen, I say this with sincerity and compassion.
This is for your own good.
Okay, so I was out downtown last night and couldn't help but notice some serious ‘turn offs'. I mean, I know for some of you this is Common Sense but...seriously...
there are some that are effin' clueless...no thanks to the oblivious encouragement that supercedes the consumption of the 'Courage Juice' aka Alcohol.
First up, personal space. For example, if you are meeting me for the first time…boys, back the Eff up. I don't know you and I seriously don't want to know what you had for dinner and what you were drinking. If I can smell your In-N-Out Burger, you're too close. Oh, yeah. Two words. Breath mint.
This next one is congruent with the first. Personal Hygiene. Learn to love your shower.
But, don’t drown yourself in cologne. If you walk by and we can still smell you 10 minutes later…trust me, guys….you don’t want to be remembered as the ‘I bathe in cologne guy’.
Oh, and that stuff about pheromones is actually true, however, we think that deodorant
and/or antiperspirant is a really really really good investment. But, hey, if you want to be the mountain/I’m an artist/anti-government/against conformity/hippy/au natural guy..be my guest.
I’m sure you’ll find your People. Oh, and good luck. I hear the mountains are lovely this time of year.
Next, physical contact. Alright. Guys, you may think it's super sly to put your hand on the knee because….you know, you're just soo suave...but really, it's creepy. And you know what else is creepy? When you shake our hands and won't let go. Yeah, just because we exist and we're right in front of you doesn't mean we're there for you to manhandle. It is not our obligation to talk to you. Just because you extend your hand out and we shake it doesn't equate to: 'we want to sleep with you' or 'we're interested'. Most of the time, we're just being nice. In my personal experience, because I'm generally a friendly person I've had guys approach me, invade my personal space and then talk my ear off......which brings me to the next one....
Communication. Okay, this is real simple, fellas. Is it really that hard to ask questions? Or do you really think that if you talk consistently for the next hour straight about your job, your house, your dog, your 'psycho' ex-girlfriend, your day surfing, pretty much YOUR entire life story blah blah blah....that we want to continue interacting with you? Remember, it's a conversation between TWO people...it's not a monologue or a stand up comedy act. Learn to ask questions so it shows you're interested in getting to know us and it's not just about you. You dig?
Now, on to: Tact. Yes, it’s a word. Some of you…well, most of you..have no idea what this means. Webster’s Dictionary definition states:
tact: a keen sense of what to do or say in order to maintain good relations with others or avoid offense.
So, let’s play the hypothetical game. You’ve met someone that you’re interested in. How do you find out if she’s available? You can go the old-fashioned simple route and ask her out on a date, right? If she’s available and into you, she’ll accept. Nowadays…it’s the: Do you have a boyfriend/husband/partner/? Followed by: Do you have a friend w/ benefits or someone that’s more than just a friend?
Um, guys. What the F is that crap? I mean, seriously? To ask that last question is completely insulting. I repeat. Tact. Get to know it well. Let it be your mantra for the next month.
Now, drinking. Oh, yes. Look, I'm not against it. Even though I no longer partake….
but...um…how do I put this? Well, I guess what I've been wondering is...whatever happened to moderation? Or do you guys really enjoy getting so wasted that your intellect decreases to the equivalent of your shoe size? I mean...that kind of behavior is a given for teenagers but you're my age. It's just never attractive when you're Drunk Retarded. It's funny. And great for writing material. Not so great for...well....you get the gist…..
I hope.
Ahh. Reliability. You know the great thing about technology is that there are these great things called Cell Phones! Yeah! And they have little reminders that remind you about things! You know...birthdays, anniversaries or little things like being on time for the movies or dinner. And well, if you can't make it for whatever reason like you had a freak accident and were struck by lightning or you were kidnapped by aliens or got a bad case of Swine flu AND food poisoning...then I guess we understand if there's no call notifying us that you can't make it..otherwise, it's just common courtesy. You know that polite way of letting us know you're completely flaking out. Trust me. We understand....
Last, but not least: listening. Hmm? What did you say? Oh! You need me to repeat what I just said? Uh huh. Exactly my point. Do you know how to listen? I mean...really think about this. When you're having a conversation with a girl...are you really paying attention to what she's saying or are you secretly picturing her naked? Or both? Look guys...we know. We have breasts and vaginas. Some of us have gone to the Darkside and we abuse the power that was given to us..I know...I can't deny that....but there are still some nice girls out there. Really! Nice AND intelligent. It's just that...well...there really are lots of not-so-nice guys out there that have treated us like dirt. Some of us have learned from our mistakes. So, if you can try really hard to look into our eyes and really listen to what we have to say instead of looking down....and don't think we won't notice....then maybe...you could be one of the lucky ones that can laugh at this writing piece with the capacity and awareness of not being guilty of any of these characteristics...
stating quite proudly that you are a true gentleman…willing to spread the knowledge to those unfortunate and unconscious ones….so that they may learn and evolve…
Congratulations….
Consider yourself Enlightened.
;0)
Gentlemen, I say this with sincerity and compassion.
This is for your own good.
Okay, so I was out downtown last night and couldn't help but notice some serious ‘turn offs'. I mean, I know for some of you this is Common Sense but...seriously...
there are some that are effin' clueless...no thanks to the oblivious encouragement that supercedes the consumption of the 'Courage Juice' aka Alcohol.
First up, personal space. For example, if you are meeting me for the first time…boys, back the Eff up. I don't know you and I seriously don't want to know what you had for dinner and what you were drinking. If I can smell your In-N-Out Burger, you're too close. Oh, yeah. Two words. Breath mint.
This next one is congruent with the first. Personal Hygiene. Learn to love your shower.
But, don’t drown yourself in cologne. If you walk by and we can still smell you 10 minutes later…trust me, guys….you don’t want to be remembered as the ‘I bathe in cologne guy’.
Oh, and that stuff about pheromones is actually true, however, we think that deodorant
and/or antiperspirant is a really really really good investment. But, hey, if you want to be the mountain/I’m an artist/anti-government/against conformity/hippy/au natural guy..be my guest.
I’m sure you’ll find your People. Oh, and good luck. I hear the mountains are lovely this time of year.
Next, physical contact. Alright. Guys, you may think it's super sly to put your hand on the knee because….you know, you're just soo suave...but really, it's creepy. And you know what else is creepy? When you shake our hands and won't let go. Yeah, just because we exist and we're right in front of you doesn't mean we're there for you to manhandle. It is not our obligation to talk to you. Just because you extend your hand out and we shake it doesn't equate to: 'we want to sleep with you' or 'we're interested'. Most of the time, we're just being nice. In my personal experience, because I'm generally a friendly person I've had guys approach me, invade my personal space and then talk my ear off......which brings me to the next one....
Communication. Okay, this is real simple, fellas. Is it really that hard to ask questions? Or do you really think that if you talk consistently for the next hour straight about your job, your house, your dog, your 'psycho' ex-girlfriend, your day surfing, pretty much YOUR entire life story blah blah blah....that we want to continue interacting with you? Remember, it's a conversation between TWO people...it's not a monologue or a stand up comedy act. Learn to ask questions so it shows you're interested in getting to know us and it's not just about you. You dig?
Now, on to: Tact. Yes, it’s a word. Some of you…well, most of you..have no idea what this means. Webster’s Dictionary definition states:
tact: a keen sense of what to do or say in order to maintain good relations with others or avoid offense.
So, let’s play the hypothetical game. You’ve met someone that you’re interested in. How do you find out if she’s available? You can go the old-fashioned simple route and ask her out on a date, right? If she’s available and into you, she’ll accept. Nowadays…it’s the: Do you have a boyfriend/husband/partner/? Followed by: Do you have a friend w/ benefits or someone that’s more than just a friend?
Um, guys. What the F is that crap? I mean, seriously? To ask that last question is completely insulting. I repeat. Tact. Get to know it well. Let it be your mantra for the next month.
Now, drinking. Oh, yes. Look, I'm not against it. Even though I no longer partake….
but...um…how do I put this? Well, I guess what I've been wondering is...whatever happened to moderation? Or do you guys really enjoy getting so wasted that your intellect decreases to the equivalent of your shoe size? I mean...that kind of behavior is a given for teenagers but you're my age. It's just never attractive when you're Drunk Retarded. It's funny. And great for writing material. Not so great for...well....you get the gist…..
I hope.
Ahh. Reliability. You know the great thing about technology is that there are these great things called Cell Phones! Yeah! And they have little reminders that remind you about things! You know...birthdays, anniversaries or little things like being on time for the movies or dinner. And well, if you can't make it for whatever reason like you had a freak accident and were struck by lightning or you were kidnapped by aliens or got a bad case of Swine flu AND food poisoning...then I guess we understand if there's no call notifying us that you can't make it..otherwise, it's just common courtesy. You know that polite way of letting us know you're completely flaking out. Trust me. We understand....
Last, but not least: listening. Hmm? What did you say? Oh! You need me to repeat what I just said? Uh huh. Exactly my point. Do you know how to listen? I mean...really think about this. When you're having a conversation with a girl...are you really paying attention to what she's saying or are you secretly picturing her naked? Or both? Look guys...we know. We have breasts and vaginas. Some of us have gone to the Darkside and we abuse the power that was given to us..I know...I can't deny that....but there are still some nice girls out there. Really! Nice AND intelligent. It's just that...well...there really are lots of not-so-nice guys out there that have treated us like dirt. Some of us have learned from our mistakes. So, if you can try really hard to look into our eyes and really listen to what we have to say instead of looking down....and don't think we won't notice....then maybe...you could be one of the lucky ones that can laugh at this writing piece with the capacity and awareness of not being guilty of any of these characteristics...
stating quite proudly that you are a true gentleman…willing to spread the knowledge to those unfortunate and unconscious ones….so that they may learn and evolve…
Congratulations….
Consider yourself Enlightened.
;0)
Friday, September 25, 2009
Ten Years Ago....
Dear Billy,
Ten years have passed since that unfortunate event w/ the Avenue Boys outside your home on Warner St. There have been many days and nights I have thought about you...wondering how our lives would have been,
had you still lived...if we would have had silly arguments over the toilet seat being up....
.........or you showing up late for dinner...
Ten years ago, I was a completely different person. I didn't appreciate my life or the people in it. Not like I do now. Your demise changed that. It changed many things. My perception. My appreciation. My awareness. Even my lifestyle.
It's hard to not think about what happened. The brutality of it. The injustice of the whole thing. I still remember that day Dax had to call me in Washington while I was at work, to tell me what happened. I thought he was joking. Well, I was hoping it was..a joke I mean.
A few weeks ago, I was sitting on a slab of concrete at the beach with my friend Rusty. He had asked me what I was like 10 years ago. And I thought about who I was then...and who I am now. And for some reason, I felt compelled to write you a letter on this day...to commemorate not your demise....
but your existence and how it changed me exponentially.
And it took losing you..........
my world screeching to an instantaneous halt
while everything else around me continued
..........to come to that realization.
To reach this plateau of immense gratitude.
For our lives are fleeting...........in this state of impermanence....
So, mon ange.....
Ten years ago...you died and I was left behind.
Ten years later...you are still with me and I am not quite the same person you fell in love with.
Within me now resides a great strength and wisdom I have never known.
Compassion and love exude first before I resort to a clenched fist.
And I no longer walk with fear...
Because I know you're one of many loved ones that have passed on...
now residing in the clouds and skies above...
watching over all of us...
.......waiting to guide us (when we're ready) into:
The Light of The Grace............
Mahalo
Mahalkita
Vous voir bientot, ma cherie.
-A
Ten years have passed since that unfortunate event w/ the Avenue Boys outside your home on Warner St. There have been many days and nights I have thought about you...wondering how our lives would have been,
had you still lived...if we would have had silly arguments over the toilet seat being up....
.........or you showing up late for dinner...
Ten years ago, I was a completely different person. I didn't appreciate my life or the people in it. Not like I do now. Your demise changed that. It changed many things. My perception. My appreciation. My awareness. Even my lifestyle.
It's hard to not think about what happened. The brutality of it. The injustice of the whole thing. I still remember that day Dax had to call me in Washington while I was at work, to tell me what happened. I thought he was joking. Well, I was hoping it was..a joke I mean.
A few weeks ago, I was sitting on a slab of concrete at the beach with my friend Rusty. He had asked me what I was like 10 years ago. And I thought about who I was then...and who I am now. And for some reason, I felt compelled to write you a letter on this day...to commemorate not your demise....
but your existence and how it changed me exponentially.
And it took losing you..........
my world screeching to an instantaneous halt
while everything else around me continued
..........to come to that realization.
To reach this plateau of immense gratitude.
For our lives are fleeting...........in this state of impermanence....
So, mon ange.....
Ten years ago...you died and I was left behind.
Ten years later...you are still with me and I am not quite the same person you fell in love with.
Within me now resides a great strength and wisdom I have never known.
Compassion and love exude first before I resort to a clenched fist.
And I no longer walk with fear...
Because I know you're one of many loved ones that have passed on...
now residing in the clouds and skies above...
watching over all of us...
.......waiting to guide us (when we're ready) into:
The Light of The Grace............
Mahalo
Mahalkita
Vous voir bientot, ma cherie.
-A
Monday, August 24, 2009
A Message From The Universe
I know what it's like. I've seen it played out a few zillion times. You're waiting for that magical day when someone makes the connection and recognizes who you really are. Maybe they'll first catch the sparkle in your eye. Or perhaps they'll marvel at your insights and the depth of your spirit. Someone who will help you connect the dots, believe in yourself, and make sense of it all. Someone who will understand you, approve of you, and unhesitatingly give you a leg up so that life can pluck your ready, ripened self from the branch of magnificence. Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh....
Well, I'm here to tell you....your wait is over.
That someone.....
Is YOU.
Good thing you rock,
The Universe
Well, I'm here to tell you....your wait is over.
That someone.....
Is YOU.
Good thing you rock,
The Universe
Thursday, August 20, 2009
Mind, Body, Spirit
Seven Chakras Wheels Of Light
The work "chakra" comes from the Sanskrit language of India and translated, means "wheel." Indians believe the body contains seven main chakras, arranged vertically from the base of the spine to the top of the head. These chakras are thought of as spinning vortexes of energy, thus wheels of light.
Each chakra is associated with particular functions within the body and with specific life issues and the way we handle them, both inside ourselves and in our interactions with the world. Chakras can be thought of as sites where we receive, absorb, and distribute life energies. Through external situations and internal habits, a chakra can become either deficient or excessive, and imbalanced.
The lower chakras focus on details such as our home, family, and emotions, while the upper chakras focus on the spiritual aspect of our lives. All of the chakras affect one another and work together.
Each chakra is associated with:
A physical part of your body
An emotional part of your body
Glands and organs
Colors
One of the five senses
Elements of the Earth
Particular types of foods
Click the links below to get basic information about the seven chakras and some suggestions on how to bring them into balance by using Hatha Yoga. By balancing our chakras, we also balance our lives.
1st Chakra
The 1st chakra is also referred to as the "root" chakra. The Sanskrit name for it is "muladhara" which means root/base. It is located at the base of the spine. There is an energy stored under this chakra which is often referred to as the "coiled serpent." Kundalini yoga focuses on stimulating this energy.
The 1st chakra is the one that helps to keep you grounded and centered. It is associated with survival, instincts and basic communication. The concerns associated with this chakra involve food, clothing, shelter - practical things. The emotion associated with this chakra is fear. The less we are connected to the earth, the more fear we have. To ground yourself, go for a walk, be out in nature.
The organs and glands associated with the 1st chakra are:
Adrenal glands
Organs of elimination (kidney, skin, colon), bones, hair, nails, legs
If the 1st chakra is sluggish, you might have constipation.
If the 1st chakra is overstimulated, you might have diarrhea.
The colors associated with the 1st chakra are red and black. Red is the color of blood, of life. Black, the secondary color, helps to reground us with the earth. Having black stones nearby helps to reground.
If your 1st chakra is sluggish, wear red to stimulate it; black will pull it down. Very often people who live in cities will wear black; it helps to ground them.
The sense associated with the 1st chakra is the sense of smell.
The element for this chakra is earth. This chakra grounds us to the earth.
The foods for this chakra are protein-rich foods and red foods.
If the 1st chakra is congested, we may have a tendency towards hoarding things, being materialistic. To get the energy moving, let go of things, give them away, and release them. This pertains to mental and emotional things as well as material things. Holding on to things keeps the energy from flowing freely.
In yoga, standing poses balance and strengthen the 1st chakra, which helps the body become more grounded.
2nd Chakra
The Sanskrit name for the 2nd chakra is "Svadhisthana." This word means "dwelling place of the Self."
The 2nd chakra is located in the lower abdomen, about an inch below the navel.
The 2nd chakra is associated with creativity and procreation. It also governs emotional and sensual aspects of our lives.
The emotion associated with the 2nd chakra is passion. If you grew up in an environment where emotions were repressed or denied, this chakra may be deficient. Some signs of deficiency are fear of pleasure, being out of touch with one's feelings and resistance to change.
Signs of an excessive 2nd chakra may be overly emotional behavior, sexual addiction or poor boundaries. Excessiveness can be caused by living in an environment where there is a constant need for pleasurable stimulation, such as entertaining or partying. Frequent emotional drama can cause excessiveness also.
The organs/glands/parts of the body associated with this chakra are:
Reproductive organs
All liquids in the body - the circulation of blood, urine, menstruation, tears
Hips, sacrum, low back
Kidneys
The element for the 2nd chakra is water, thus the association with the liquids of the body. Water flows, moves and changes. A balanced 2nd chakra allows us to do that also.
The color for the 2nd chakra is orange. Orange is a very stimulating color because of its vibrational energy.
The sense for the 2nd chakra is taste, especially a sweet taste.
The foods for the 2nd chakra are orange foods, sweet foods and liquids.
In yoga, backward and forward bends and squatting strengthen the 2nd chakra
3rd Chakra
"Manipura" is the Sanskrit name for the 3rd chakra. This word means "lustrous gem." The 3rd chakra is located in the area of the solar plexus, navel and digestive system. It is associated with power, self-esteem and vitality. It is the seat of the intellect.
Glands/organs associated with the 3rd chakra:
Pancreas, organs of digestion (small intestine)
When the 3rd chakra is imbalanced, there may be digestive problems.
The element for the 3rd chakra is fire. When there is too much heat in this part of the body, there can be digestive problems. All of the "itis" diseases begin in this chakra when the fire gets out of control.
Bikram yoga (hot yoga) stimulates the 3rd chakra. Be sure that this chakra needs stimulation before participating in Bikram yoga.
The colors for the 3rd chakra are yellow and gold.
The emotion for the 3rd chakra is anger.
The sense for the 3rd chakra is sight and cognitive thinking. Remember, the intellect lies here.
Sometimes people refer to a "gut feeling" when they are trying to figure something out.
When the 3rd chakra is excessive, anger, hatred, too much attention to power, status and recognition can be present. In yoga, passive backbends are good for calming an excessive 3rd chakra.
When it is deficient, one can have digestive problems, eating disorders, low self-esteem and a feeling of powerlessness.
In yoga, do Sun Salutations, half boat pose, warrior and twists to energize the 3rd chakra
4th Chakra
The Sanskrit name for the 4th chakra is "Anahata." This word means "unstruck" or "stillness." This seems to imply that deep beneath our brokenness and pain, wholeness abides.
The 4th chakra is located in our heart center. It governs our intuition and love. It is also known as the heart chakra.
Glands/organs/parts of the body associated with the 4th chakra:
Thymus, heart, lungs, chest, arms, breasts
The primary color for the 4th chakra is green and the secondary color is pink.
The element for the 4th chakra is air. Pranayama practice helps to balance this chakra.
The sense for the 4th chakra is touch, feeling, clairsentient.
The emotion of the heart chakra is compassion and joy. The 4th chakra feels the suffering of others.
The foods for this chakra are air, vegetables (especially green ones), and love.
When the 4th chakra is deficient, you may experience feelings of shyness and loneliness, an inability to forgive or a lack of empathy. Physical conditions can include shallow breathing, asthma, and some lung diseases.
When the 4th chakra is excessive one may experience co-dependency, possessiveness, jealousy, heart problems and high blood pressure.
In yoga, poses that stimulate the 4th chakra are backward bends (anything that opens the chest). A powerful way to energize this chakra is to love ourselves and others.
5th Chakra
The Sanskrit word for the 5th chakra is "Vishuddha" which means "purity." This is the first of the chakras that focuses primarily on the spiritual plane. The 4th chakra is spiritual, but it is also the bridge between the lower chakras that focus on earth and the upper chakras that deal with spirituality.
The emotion for the 5th chakra is faith and understanding. Because the 5th chakra is located in the throat and governs higher communication, speaking, hearing and listening, it helps us to understand our inner truth and convey it with our voice to the outside world.
The sense for the 5th chakra is hearing. Chanting, singing, speaking, reading aloud are all good for the 5th chakra. The vibrations of all these things affect the body down to the cellular level.
The glands/organs/body parts associated with the 5th chakra are:
Thyroid, parathyroid, jaw, neck, mouth, throat, tongue, larynx
The element for the 5th chakra is ether/space. It is connected to the cosmos, which consists of these elements.
Deficient energy in the 5th chakra can cause neck and shoulder problems, jaw disorders, throat problems, an under active thyroid and a fear of speaking.
On the other hand, excessive energy in the 5th chakra can cause hearing problems, inability to listen, excessive talking and an overactive thyroid.
The color for the 5th chakra is blue, as the color of the sky.
The food for this chakra is fruit and prana (air).
Yoga poses that are good for the 5th chakra are neck and shoulder stretches, Camel pose, Bridge pose and Plow pose.
6th Chakra
“Ajna" is the Sanskrit word for the 6th chakra. It means "beyond wisdom." It has also been translated to mean "the perception center."
The 6th chakra is located between, and just above, the eyes. It is often referred to as the "third eye." This chakra deals with visualization, intuition, imagination and telepathy.
Organ/parts of body associated with the 6th chakra:
Pituitary gland, eyes, head, lower brain
The emotion for the 6th chakra is "knowing", an intuitive type of knowing. When this chakra is dominant, one may have clairvoyant abilities...being able to see things that others can't.
The color is purple/violet, both spiritual colors.
When the energy in the 6th chakra is excessive, it can cause headaches, hallucinations, nightmares and difficulty in concentrating.
But when the energy is deficient, there may be eye problems, poor memory, inability to visualize.
Yoga poses for the 6th chakra are supported forward bends and also eye exercises. Doing positive visualizations can also strengthen this chakra.
7th Chakra
The Sanskrit name for the 7th chakra is "Sahasrara", meaning "thousandfold." The 7th chakra is represented by a 1000-petaled lotus, which symbolizes the infinite nature of this chakra, connecting us with the Divine.
The 7th chakra is located at the crown of the head and serves as the crown of the entire chakra system, symbolizing the highest state of enlightenment. The function of the 7th chakra is connection with the infinite. In art, Christ is depicted with a halo around his head. This could represent the awakened spirituality of the 7th chakra.
The element of the 7th chakra is thought/cosmic consciousness. The mind creates our belief systems that control our thoughts and actions.
Gland/part of body associated with the 7th chakra:
Pineal gland, upper brain
The 7th chakra is sometimes associated with the color violet, but it is usually referred to as the color white, a combination of all colors. This is in line with the chakra also being a culmination of all the other chakras.
Excessiveness in the 7th chakra appears as being overly intellectual.
Deficient energy manifests as difficulty thinking for yourself, apathy, spiritual skepticism and materialism.
Meditation is the yogic practice best for the 7th chakra. Meditation clears and quiets the mind, in preparation for experiencing the Divine.
Psychological Aspects Of Yoga Asanas
In yoga classes the body is moved forward, backward and laterally. Twists, inversions and balance poses are also done. Each of these movements affects the body in a psychological way. Listed below are the psychological aspects of each movement.
Forward Bending
Listening
Humility
Trust
Surrender
Lateral Bending
General resiliency in life
Flexibility
Ability to dodge, change direction
Twisting
Helps to look at and accept the past
Versatility
Backward Bending
To do a thing to the extreme, to bend over backward
Aggression
Inversion
Try new things, less fixed
Change in attitude
Confidence
Balance
Control of emotions and reactions
Balance of mind and body
Stamina, staying power
Savasana
Turning loose of control, letting go
Trust
Yoga Information
There are many different schools of thought on yoga. There are also a variety of styles from which to choose. Click any of the links on the left to learn more about a particular style. If you are new to yoga, you might find the following information interesting and helpful.
Did you know?
Yoga is over 5000 years old.
Yoga originated in India.
"Yoga" is a Sanskrit word, which means "to yoke" or "to bind."
"Asana" is what the yoga postures are called.
Several asanas done in succession without a break or pause is called a "vinyasa." Sun Salutation is an example of a vinyasa.
Yoga should be done on an empty stomach. Prior to practicing yoga, you should only eat something light, at least two hours before the class.
Loose, comfortable clothing should be worn to do yoga.
Yoga increases flexibility, lowers stress, and increases your energy level.
Yoga is a process-oriented activity. The idea is to focus awareness on exactly what you are doing in the moment, to be mindful.
Yoga coordinates the breath with movement, allowing you to fully experience the stretch. Yoga is not about simply completing a stretch so that you can move on to the next one. It is about being present in the moment.
Yoga is not about competition or comparing. When practicing yoga, one goes within, being aware of what is happening inside the body. Whatever the body can do in a yoga session is exactly what it should be doing. One accepts without judging.
As you continue practicing yoga, you may find that yoga can lead to a journey within yourself.
You may find the link between the body, mind and spirit to offer a new area of inner growth and self-understanding.
The Importance Of Breath In Yoga
From the moment we are born to the moment we die, we breathe. We measure life by breath. Breath is more important to us than either food or water. We can go weeks without food, days without water, but only minutes without oxygen. With each breath, we exchange carbon dioxide from inside our bodies for oxygen molecules from the surrounding air. If this process is interrupted for more than a few minutes, the brain becomes starved for oxygen and undergoes irreversible damage.
Breathing affects every system of our bodies and also has a general effect on our memories, our energy levels, and our concentration. Everything we do, the pace we keep, the feelings we have and the choices we make are influenced by the breath.
The rhythm of our breathing varies according to our activities and our feelings. It quickens with physical exertion or emotional upset and it slows down during sleep or periods of relaxation. As an experiment, try to be aware of your breathing when you are excited, angry, surprised and relaxed and notice how it changes.
The majority of people breathe incorrectly and are not aware of it. Instead of breathing deeply, bringing the air down to the bottom of the lungs, where the richest blood supply is, the breath is very shallow, only bringing the air into the uppermost part of the lungs.
How do we break this bad habit and restore healthy breathing in our bodies? One place to start is to become more aware of your breath and evaluate the quality of it. Ask yourself, "where do I feel my breathing?" Can you feel where your breath originates? Do you feel particular areas of your body where the breath is more noticeable, such as the nostrils, the chest or the abdomen?
Just be aware of what you feel and notice and do not analyze.
"What does my breathing feel like?" What is the quality of your breathing? Is it rough, labored, jerky or rhythmic? Does it feel smooth or mechanical?
Observe a baby breathe and you will see the tummy rise and fall with each breath. This is diaphragmatic breathing, the way we all initially breathed. The diaphragm is a dome shaped muscle that lies just below the rib cage. As we inhale, it presses downward and as we exhale, it contracts upward, forcing the air out of our lungs. To properly breathe diaphragmatically, the belly should be relaxed so as to accommodate the downward expansion of this muscle.
A good way to experience this is to place your hand on your abdomen, take a deep breath in and feel the movement. That's why this type of breathing is sometimes referred to as "belly breathing." If your are not accustomed to relaxing your belly, you may find first attempts to breathe in this way to be frustrating and confusing. With perseverance, it will become natural.
Begin to be aware of your breath and notice if you are using your diaphragm or just bringing the breath into the uppermost part of your lungs. Where is the most movement, in the abdomen or in the chest? Practice bringing the breath down deep into the lungs, feeling the abdomen expand as the diaphragm moves downward. Take a few "breath breaks" during the day and practice some deep breathing.
Deep breathing is an excellent tool for keeping our bodies in optimum health and reducing stress levels, thus warding off such things as heart disease and high blood pressure. Most modern scientific and medical research supports the belief that proper breathing is a cornerstone to our well-being.
Complete Breath
This breath maximizes the use of the lungs, increases the oxygen level in the body and calms the mind.
Sit up tall, in a comfortable position.
Inhale, expanding the abdomen, opening the ribs and lifting the shoulders.
Exhale, contracting the abdomen, relaxing the ribs, and lowering the shoulders.
Repeat.
Lengthening The Exhale
This breath increases lung capacity and activates a relaxation response in the body. It is a great breath to lower the stress level quickly.
Inhale gently and naturally while counting. (Make the count as long as is comfortable for you).
Exhale slowly, taking twice as long to empty the lungs.
Repeat. As the inhale lengthens, lengthen the exhale.
A simple way to start is to inhale for 5 counts and exhale for 8 counts.
Four Parted Breath
This breath can be done using different counts, depending on the lung capacity. It develops the lungs and also activates relaxation in the mind and the body. It's good for lowering the stress level in the body.
Inhale to a count of 5.
Retain the breath for a count of 5.
Exhale for a count of 5.
Hold the breath out for a count of 5.
Repeat.
<3
The work "chakra" comes from the Sanskrit language of India and translated, means "wheel." Indians believe the body contains seven main chakras, arranged vertically from the base of the spine to the top of the head. These chakras are thought of as spinning vortexes of energy, thus wheels of light.
Each chakra is associated with particular functions within the body and with specific life issues and the way we handle them, both inside ourselves and in our interactions with the world. Chakras can be thought of as sites where we receive, absorb, and distribute life energies. Through external situations and internal habits, a chakra can become either deficient or excessive, and imbalanced.
The lower chakras focus on details such as our home, family, and emotions, while the upper chakras focus on the spiritual aspect of our lives. All of the chakras affect one another and work together.
Each chakra is associated with:
A physical part of your body
An emotional part of your body
Glands and organs
Colors
One of the five senses
Elements of the Earth
Particular types of foods
Click the links below to get basic information about the seven chakras and some suggestions on how to bring them into balance by using Hatha Yoga. By balancing our chakras, we also balance our lives.
1st Chakra
The 1st chakra is also referred to as the "root" chakra. The Sanskrit name for it is "muladhara" which means root/base. It is located at the base of the spine. There is an energy stored under this chakra which is often referred to as the "coiled serpent." Kundalini yoga focuses on stimulating this energy.
The 1st chakra is the one that helps to keep you grounded and centered. It is associated with survival, instincts and basic communication. The concerns associated with this chakra involve food, clothing, shelter - practical things. The emotion associated with this chakra is fear. The less we are connected to the earth, the more fear we have. To ground yourself, go for a walk, be out in nature.
The organs and glands associated with the 1st chakra are:
Adrenal glands
Organs of elimination (kidney, skin, colon), bones, hair, nails, legs
If the 1st chakra is sluggish, you might have constipation.
If the 1st chakra is overstimulated, you might have diarrhea.
The colors associated with the 1st chakra are red and black. Red is the color of blood, of life. Black, the secondary color, helps to reground us with the earth. Having black stones nearby helps to reground.
If your 1st chakra is sluggish, wear red to stimulate it; black will pull it down. Very often people who live in cities will wear black; it helps to ground them.
The sense associated with the 1st chakra is the sense of smell.
The element for this chakra is earth. This chakra grounds us to the earth.
The foods for this chakra are protein-rich foods and red foods.
If the 1st chakra is congested, we may have a tendency towards hoarding things, being materialistic. To get the energy moving, let go of things, give them away, and release them. This pertains to mental and emotional things as well as material things. Holding on to things keeps the energy from flowing freely.
In yoga, standing poses balance and strengthen the 1st chakra, which helps the body become more grounded.
2nd Chakra
The Sanskrit name for the 2nd chakra is "Svadhisthana." This word means "dwelling place of the Self."
The 2nd chakra is located in the lower abdomen, about an inch below the navel.
The 2nd chakra is associated with creativity and procreation. It also governs emotional and sensual aspects of our lives.
The emotion associated with the 2nd chakra is passion. If you grew up in an environment where emotions were repressed or denied, this chakra may be deficient. Some signs of deficiency are fear of pleasure, being out of touch with one's feelings and resistance to change.
Signs of an excessive 2nd chakra may be overly emotional behavior, sexual addiction or poor boundaries. Excessiveness can be caused by living in an environment where there is a constant need for pleasurable stimulation, such as entertaining or partying. Frequent emotional drama can cause excessiveness also.
The organs/glands/parts of the body associated with this chakra are:
Reproductive organs
All liquids in the body - the circulation of blood, urine, menstruation, tears
Hips, sacrum, low back
Kidneys
The element for the 2nd chakra is water, thus the association with the liquids of the body. Water flows, moves and changes. A balanced 2nd chakra allows us to do that also.
The color for the 2nd chakra is orange. Orange is a very stimulating color because of its vibrational energy.
The sense for the 2nd chakra is taste, especially a sweet taste.
The foods for the 2nd chakra are orange foods, sweet foods and liquids.
In yoga, backward and forward bends and squatting strengthen the 2nd chakra
3rd Chakra
"Manipura" is the Sanskrit name for the 3rd chakra. This word means "lustrous gem." The 3rd chakra is located in the area of the solar plexus, navel and digestive system. It is associated with power, self-esteem and vitality. It is the seat of the intellect.
Glands/organs associated with the 3rd chakra:
Pancreas, organs of digestion (small intestine)
When the 3rd chakra is imbalanced, there may be digestive problems.
The element for the 3rd chakra is fire. When there is too much heat in this part of the body, there can be digestive problems. All of the "itis" diseases begin in this chakra when the fire gets out of control.
Bikram yoga (hot yoga) stimulates the 3rd chakra. Be sure that this chakra needs stimulation before participating in Bikram yoga.
The colors for the 3rd chakra are yellow and gold.
The emotion for the 3rd chakra is anger.
The sense for the 3rd chakra is sight and cognitive thinking. Remember, the intellect lies here.
Sometimes people refer to a "gut feeling" when they are trying to figure something out.
When the 3rd chakra is excessive, anger, hatred, too much attention to power, status and recognition can be present. In yoga, passive backbends are good for calming an excessive 3rd chakra.
When it is deficient, one can have digestive problems, eating disorders, low self-esteem and a feeling of powerlessness.
In yoga, do Sun Salutations, half boat pose, warrior and twists to energize the 3rd chakra
4th Chakra
The Sanskrit name for the 4th chakra is "Anahata." This word means "unstruck" or "stillness." This seems to imply that deep beneath our brokenness and pain, wholeness abides.
The 4th chakra is located in our heart center. It governs our intuition and love. It is also known as the heart chakra.
Glands/organs/parts of the body associated with the 4th chakra:
Thymus, heart, lungs, chest, arms, breasts
The primary color for the 4th chakra is green and the secondary color is pink.
The element for the 4th chakra is air. Pranayama practice helps to balance this chakra.
The sense for the 4th chakra is touch, feeling, clairsentient.
The emotion of the heart chakra is compassion and joy. The 4th chakra feels the suffering of others.
The foods for this chakra are air, vegetables (especially green ones), and love.
When the 4th chakra is deficient, you may experience feelings of shyness and loneliness, an inability to forgive or a lack of empathy. Physical conditions can include shallow breathing, asthma, and some lung diseases.
When the 4th chakra is excessive one may experience co-dependency, possessiveness, jealousy, heart problems and high blood pressure.
In yoga, poses that stimulate the 4th chakra are backward bends (anything that opens the chest). A powerful way to energize this chakra is to love ourselves and others.
5th Chakra
The Sanskrit word for the 5th chakra is "Vishuddha" which means "purity." This is the first of the chakras that focuses primarily on the spiritual plane. The 4th chakra is spiritual, but it is also the bridge between the lower chakras that focus on earth and the upper chakras that deal with spirituality.
The emotion for the 5th chakra is faith and understanding. Because the 5th chakra is located in the throat and governs higher communication, speaking, hearing and listening, it helps us to understand our inner truth and convey it with our voice to the outside world.
The sense for the 5th chakra is hearing. Chanting, singing, speaking, reading aloud are all good for the 5th chakra. The vibrations of all these things affect the body down to the cellular level.
The glands/organs/body parts associated with the 5th chakra are:
Thyroid, parathyroid, jaw, neck, mouth, throat, tongue, larynx
The element for the 5th chakra is ether/space. It is connected to the cosmos, which consists of these elements.
Deficient energy in the 5th chakra can cause neck and shoulder problems, jaw disorders, throat problems, an under active thyroid and a fear of speaking.
On the other hand, excessive energy in the 5th chakra can cause hearing problems, inability to listen, excessive talking and an overactive thyroid.
The color for the 5th chakra is blue, as the color of the sky.
The food for this chakra is fruit and prana (air).
Yoga poses that are good for the 5th chakra are neck and shoulder stretches, Camel pose, Bridge pose and Plow pose.
6th Chakra
“Ajna" is the Sanskrit word for the 6th chakra. It means "beyond wisdom." It has also been translated to mean "the perception center."
The 6th chakra is located between, and just above, the eyes. It is often referred to as the "third eye." This chakra deals with visualization, intuition, imagination and telepathy.
Organ/parts of body associated with the 6th chakra:
Pituitary gland, eyes, head, lower brain
The emotion for the 6th chakra is "knowing", an intuitive type of knowing. When this chakra is dominant, one may have clairvoyant abilities...being able to see things that others can't.
The color is purple/violet, both spiritual colors.
When the energy in the 6th chakra is excessive, it can cause headaches, hallucinations, nightmares and difficulty in concentrating.
But when the energy is deficient, there may be eye problems, poor memory, inability to visualize.
Yoga poses for the 6th chakra are supported forward bends and also eye exercises. Doing positive visualizations can also strengthen this chakra.
7th Chakra
The Sanskrit name for the 7th chakra is "Sahasrara", meaning "thousandfold." The 7th chakra is represented by a 1000-petaled lotus, which symbolizes the infinite nature of this chakra, connecting us with the Divine.
The 7th chakra is located at the crown of the head and serves as the crown of the entire chakra system, symbolizing the highest state of enlightenment. The function of the 7th chakra is connection with the infinite. In art, Christ is depicted with a halo around his head. This could represent the awakened spirituality of the 7th chakra.
The element of the 7th chakra is thought/cosmic consciousness. The mind creates our belief systems that control our thoughts and actions.
Gland/part of body associated with the 7th chakra:
Pineal gland, upper brain
The 7th chakra is sometimes associated with the color violet, but it is usually referred to as the color white, a combination of all colors. This is in line with the chakra also being a culmination of all the other chakras.
Excessiveness in the 7th chakra appears as being overly intellectual.
Deficient energy manifests as difficulty thinking for yourself, apathy, spiritual skepticism and materialism.
Meditation is the yogic practice best for the 7th chakra. Meditation clears and quiets the mind, in preparation for experiencing the Divine.
Psychological Aspects Of Yoga Asanas
In yoga classes the body is moved forward, backward and laterally. Twists, inversions and balance poses are also done. Each of these movements affects the body in a psychological way. Listed below are the psychological aspects of each movement.
Forward Bending
Listening
Humility
Trust
Surrender
Lateral Bending
General resiliency in life
Flexibility
Ability to dodge, change direction
Twisting
Helps to look at and accept the past
Versatility
Backward Bending
To do a thing to the extreme, to bend over backward
Aggression
Inversion
Try new things, less fixed
Change in attitude
Confidence
Balance
Control of emotions and reactions
Balance of mind and body
Stamina, staying power
Savasana
Turning loose of control, letting go
Trust
Yoga Information
There are many different schools of thought on yoga. There are also a variety of styles from which to choose. Click any of the links on the left to learn more about a particular style. If you are new to yoga, you might find the following information interesting and helpful.
Did you know?
Yoga is over 5000 years old.
Yoga originated in India.
"Yoga" is a Sanskrit word, which means "to yoke" or "to bind."
"Asana" is what the yoga postures are called.
Several asanas done in succession without a break or pause is called a "vinyasa." Sun Salutation is an example of a vinyasa.
Yoga should be done on an empty stomach. Prior to practicing yoga, you should only eat something light, at least two hours before the class.
Loose, comfortable clothing should be worn to do yoga.
Yoga increases flexibility, lowers stress, and increases your energy level.
Yoga is a process-oriented activity. The idea is to focus awareness on exactly what you are doing in the moment, to be mindful.
Yoga coordinates the breath with movement, allowing you to fully experience the stretch. Yoga is not about simply completing a stretch so that you can move on to the next one. It is about being present in the moment.
Yoga is not about competition or comparing. When practicing yoga, one goes within, being aware of what is happening inside the body. Whatever the body can do in a yoga session is exactly what it should be doing. One accepts without judging.
As you continue practicing yoga, you may find that yoga can lead to a journey within yourself.
You may find the link between the body, mind and spirit to offer a new area of inner growth and self-understanding.
The Importance Of Breath In Yoga
From the moment we are born to the moment we die, we breathe. We measure life by breath. Breath is more important to us than either food or water. We can go weeks without food, days without water, but only minutes without oxygen. With each breath, we exchange carbon dioxide from inside our bodies for oxygen molecules from the surrounding air. If this process is interrupted for more than a few minutes, the brain becomes starved for oxygen and undergoes irreversible damage.
Breathing affects every system of our bodies and also has a general effect on our memories, our energy levels, and our concentration. Everything we do, the pace we keep, the feelings we have and the choices we make are influenced by the breath.
The rhythm of our breathing varies according to our activities and our feelings. It quickens with physical exertion or emotional upset and it slows down during sleep or periods of relaxation. As an experiment, try to be aware of your breathing when you are excited, angry, surprised and relaxed and notice how it changes.
The majority of people breathe incorrectly and are not aware of it. Instead of breathing deeply, bringing the air down to the bottom of the lungs, where the richest blood supply is, the breath is very shallow, only bringing the air into the uppermost part of the lungs.
How do we break this bad habit and restore healthy breathing in our bodies? One place to start is to become more aware of your breath and evaluate the quality of it. Ask yourself, "where do I feel my breathing?" Can you feel where your breath originates? Do you feel particular areas of your body where the breath is more noticeable, such as the nostrils, the chest or the abdomen?
Just be aware of what you feel and notice and do not analyze.
"What does my breathing feel like?" What is the quality of your breathing? Is it rough, labored, jerky or rhythmic? Does it feel smooth or mechanical?
Observe a baby breathe and you will see the tummy rise and fall with each breath. This is diaphragmatic breathing, the way we all initially breathed. The diaphragm is a dome shaped muscle that lies just below the rib cage. As we inhale, it presses downward and as we exhale, it contracts upward, forcing the air out of our lungs. To properly breathe diaphragmatically, the belly should be relaxed so as to accommodate the downward expansion of this muscle.
A good way to experience this is to place your hand on your abdomen, take a deep breath in and feel the movement. That's why this type of breathing is sometimes referred to as "belly breathing." If your are not accustomed to relaxing your belly, you may find first attempts to breathe in this way to be frustrating and confusing. With perseverance, it will become natural.
Begin to be aware of your breath and notice if you are using your diaphragm or just bringing the breath into the uppermost part of your lungs. Where is the most movement, in the abdomen or in the chest? Practice bringing the breath down deep into the lungs, feeling the abdomen expand as the diaphragm moves downward. Take a few "breath breaks" during the day and practice some deep breathing.
Deep breathing is an excellent tool for keeping our bodies in optimum health and reducing stress levels, thus warding off such things as heart disease and high blood pressure. Most modern scientific and medical research supports the belief that proper breathing is a cornerstone to our well-being.
Complete Breath
This breath maximizes the use of the lungs, increases the oxygen level in the body and calms the mind.
Sit up tall, in a comfortable position.
Inhale, expanding the abdomen, opening the ribs and lifting the shoulders.
Exhale, contracting the abdomen, relaxing the ribs, and lowering the shoulders.
Repeat.
Lengthening The Exhale
This breath increases lung capacity and activates a relaxation response in the body. It is a great breath to lower the stress level quickly.
Inhale gently and naturally while counting. (Make the count as long as is comfortable for you).
Exhale slowly, taking twice as long to empty the lungs.
Repeat. As the inhale lengthens, lengthen the exhale.
A simple way to start is to inhale for 5 counts and exhale for 8 counts.
Four Parted Breath
This breath can be done using different counts, depending on the lung capacity. It develops the lungs and also activates relaxation in the mind and the body. It's good for lowering the stress level in the body.
Inhale to a count of 5.
Retain the breath for a count of 5.
Exhale for a count of 5.
Hold the breath out for a count of 5.
Repeat.
<3
Thursday, August 13, 2009
33=<3
I am 33 today. I find myself sitting at work a bit dazed. I brought cupcakes to share and there was this little voice kind of whispering ego-centered things.....and I just kindly....softly encouraged gratitude and that right now is the opportune time to share as much as I am able...with the wisdom of all my experiences as a backdrop matte painting...scenes of all the cataclysmic events that helped mold me to who I am...now..
Stories come to mind of who I used to be. And they'll haunt me..showing up through friends...walks on the beach....old songs....people from my past...
And I reflect on what I used to do. Those old patterns of habitual self-deprivation, destruction, disconnection...
And I address the stories...the voices....the old versions of me every day...hoping that they all know it's all part of the journey...
.....awaken.....awareness......enlighten........evolution.....
...change......openness.....wisdom.......forgiveness..............
.........compassion.......goddess.......warrior........unconditional love........
This gift I give freely...
to you
and most importantly
to myself....
Munay.......
Stories come to mind of who I used to be. And they'll haunt me..showing up through friends...walks on the beach....old songs....people from my past...
And I reflect on what I used to do. Those old patterns of habitual self-deprivation, destruction, disconnection...
And I address the stories...the voices....the old versions of me every day...hoping that they all know it's all part of the journey...
.....awaken.....awareness......enlighten........evolution.....
...change......openness.....wisdom.......forgiveness..............
.........compassion.......goddess.......warrior........unconditional love........
This gift I give freely...
to you
and most importantly
to myself....
Munay.......
Monday, August 10, 2009
Looking alike
I was at lunch today, eating my veggie burrito at Snapper Jack's when I watched a family sit down in the booth in front of me. First, I saw the two children (boy and girl) running around obliviously happy as healthy and loved children can be. The little girl was wearing a
hello kitty t-shirt and the little boy a green spiderman tee. Both were adorable.
And before you scream 'biological clock', let me refute it. I think I just missed my family. I miss that weird, comforting feeling of looking around a room and having that unsaid connection with individuals that resemble you...and are inexplicably tied to you by blood.
My relations with my immediate family have been somewhat strained. My parents...estranged. I'm working on it though. It hasn't been easy and watching that micro-mini filipino family just made me realize what I miss..and what will never transpire again.
My brother's wedding was a few days ago. I didn't go. I had a good excuse...the monetary kind...but there was this other part of me that didn't want that lonely feeling to amplify. That 'looking from the outside in' perspective that I know would've evolved. Even in the company of my own flesh and blood...I still don't feel like I fully belong. At times, in the presence of my dear sisters and friends....I feel the same way. And I know I'm not alone.
That's comforting...at least.
Is that why some people procreate? To try and re-capture that feeling and/or sense of family? To try and fill that gaping hole that was never filled in childhood or adulthood?
As I prepare for my celebration of 33 years, I contemplate my life..my existence. I wonder what my future will hold..if the visions I've seen will come into fruition and if this gaping hole I've had inside me will ever be filled...
I do know this...
No one else can fill the emptiness.
No one else is responsible for my happiness.
And I know I'm never alone...
....even if it feels that way sometimes.....
hello kitty t-shirt and the little boy a green spiderman tee. Both were adorable.
And before you scream 'biological clock', let me refute it. I think I just missed my family. I miss that weird, comforting feeling of looking around a room and having that unsaid connection with individuals that resemble you...and are inexplicably tied to you by blood.
My relations with my immediate family have been somewhat strained. My parents...estranged. I'm working on it though. It hasn't been easy and watching that micro-mini filipino family just made me realize what I miss..and what will never transpire again.
My brother's wedding was a few days ago. I didn't go. I had a good excuse...the monetary kind...but there was this other part of me that didn't want that lonely feeling to amplify. That 'looking from the outside in' perspective that I know would've evolved. Even in the company of my own flesh and blood...I still don't feel like I fully belong. At times, in the presence of my dear sisters and friends....I feel the same way. And I know I'm not alone.
That's comforting...at least.
Is that why some people procreate? To try and re-capture that feeling and/or sense of family? To try and fill that gaping hole that was never filled in childhood or adulthood?
As I prepare for my celebration of 33 years, I contemplate my life..my existence. I wonder what my future will hold..if the visions I've seen will come into fruition and if this gaping hole I've had inside me will ever be filled...
I do know this...
No one else can fill the emptiness.
No one else is responsible for my happiness.
And I know I'm never alone...
....even if it feels that way sometimes.....
Thursday, August 6, 2009
Message to...
Xxxvxx,
Je veux etre avec toi, quand le temps a raison.
C'est pur toi que je suis la', toujours.
Il n'y a qu'un bonheur dans la vie, c'est d'aimer et d'etre aime'.
L'espoir pour vous voir bientôt, ma cherie...
<3
Tuesday, August 4, 2009
Fantastical Reality
"I'm sure you're better as a fantasy than actual reality."
I heard those words on the steps of a museum in LA. Xxxx and I were waiting in line to fully experience the 'interactive art installation'.
It stunned me. The total disregard for feelings. The inconsideration. And the absolute truth of how people perceive life...like one long horrible reality TV show...or drawn out rom com...for example.
And what has become of our human interaction and perception? What has the human experience transcended to when it comes to actual emotions?
We break up relationships through text messages. We have email now (when was the last time you received a letter in the mail?). We can peruse through profiles and 'shop' for dates on Match.com, E harmony, My Space, etc.
There's such a disconnection on that personal level...you know?
Remember when you were a kid and if you wanted to hang out with your best friend down the street? You would just go and knock on the door, right? Yeah, now we have interactive video games that allow us to 'talk' to our friends clear across the continent. Amazing on some levels. Daunting on others.
I guess I'm reminiscing on the old days of climbing trees and playing in the middle of the street. The times of an archaic technology, before the days of the cell phone, Xbox and Jenna Jameson's replicated vagina.
And I realized on Sunday, how important it was to actually see your friends and loved ones...face to face. To forgo the electronic leash, to resist the urge to Twitter on your day...to just listen to the sounds of the ocean and relish the present company..whoever it may be...
..................and for Symmetry's sake.....we come full circle in the Fantastical Reality of right now...
The muse of today's rant...how we all strive for the 'ideal'.
The 'ideal' partner, job, life...
How, at times, we get so wrapped up in the fantasy of our desires that we're oblivious to the fact that the reality of the situation is a direct contrast of what we perceive.
How, at times, we fall in love with someone's potential or 'idea' than the actual reality of who they are now. Presently. Not who you foresee them being 5/10 years from now...
How, at times, we think Forever will be the end all, be all of the 'Happily Ever After'...and in actuality...there is no Forever. There's only Right Now.
It's funny. Trying to sift through all the bullshit. Contemplating and analyzing. Coming to some realizations of how we truly perceive things....
Aww...fuck it..
I'll just wave my magic wand.
Giggle into the Dawn.
And smile to myself.
Knowing...
we can blend both Fantasy and Reality.
That I'm better as I am...
................... because I'm experiencing a reality that's fuckin' fantastic.
Own it.
Embody it.
Your very own world.
It's yours for the taking.
I heard those words on the steps of a museum in LA. Xxxx and I were waiting in line to fully experience the 'interactive art installation'.
It stunned me. The total disregard for feelings. The inconsideration. And the absolute truth of how people perceive life...like one long horrible reality TV show...or drawn out rom com...for example.
And what has become of our human interaction and perception? What has the human experience transcended to when it comes to actual emotions?
We break up relationships through text messages. We have email now (when was the last time you received a letter in the mail?). We can peruse through profiles and 'shop' for dates on Match.com, E harmony, My Space, etc.
There's such a disconnection on that personal level...you know?
Remember when you were a kid and if you wanted to hang out with your best friend down the street? You would just go and knock on the door, right? Yeah, now we have interactive video games that allow us to 'talk' to our friends clear across the continent. Amazing on some levels. Daunting on others.
I guess I'm reminiscing on the old days of climbing trees and playing in the middle of the street. The times of an archaic technology, before the days of the cell phone, Xbox and Jenna Jameson's replicated vagina.
And I realized on Sunday, how important it was to actually see your friends and loved ones...face to face. To forgo the electronic leash, to resist the urge to Twitter on your day...to just listen to the sounds of the ocean and relish the present company..whoever it may be...
..................and for Symmetry's sake.....we come full circle in the Fantastical Reality of right now...
The muse of today's rant...how we all strive for the 'ideal'.
The 'ideal' partner, job, life...
How, at times, we get so wrapped up in the fantasy of our desires that we're oblivious to the fact that the reality of the situation is a direct contrast of what we perceive.
How, at times, we fall in love with someone's potential or 'idea' than the actual reality of who they are now. Presently. Not who you foresee them being 5/10 years from now...
How, at times, we think Forever will be the end all, be all of the 'Happily Ever After'...and in actuality...there is no Forever. There's only Right Now.
It's funny. Trying to sift through all the bullshit. Contemplating and analyzing. Coming to some realizations of how we truly perceive things....
Aww...fuck it..
I'll just wave my magic wand.
Giggle into the Dawn.
And smile to myself.
Knowing...
we can blend both Fantasy and Reality.
That I'm better as I am...
................... because I'm experiencing a reality that's fuckin' fantastic.
Own it.
Embody it.
Your very own world.
It's yours for the taking.
Wednesday, July 29, 2009
RSN-Random Side Note
This originally was written to be a letter. Then, I quickly realized where it needed to be.
Here.
For you. For me...
So, there are some things that will always remain a mystery to me. And I'm okay with that.
The existence of toe hairs on men. Why Gwen Stefani sings about bananas. Who would win in a fight between Barbara Streisand and Robert Smith (of The Cure)........
....... why certain men/women in my life choose to remain enigmatic. The elusive nature of some individuals have certainly spawned many a sonnet or story. Perhaps that's what initially attracts me to these 'archetypal' conundrums....regardless of gender.
The invitation to hang out with family........
..............................as if it were a normal occurence.
The sharing of childhood memories, both traumatic and inspirational.
The collaboration of creation...with an unhappily, silent ever after.
rinse. repeat. not dry at all.
Innuendos. Mother/Father shadowed in partners. Relationships.
Sex utilized as a pleasurable torment. Sometimes a gun.
Haven't you ever played Russian Roulette with your genitals?
***********************************
And I have found redemption, so to speak, within myself. Sitting still. In silence.
The visions I see in my meditations help with making sense of my mere existence.
Some answers have come in the form of conversations...usually with the Dead.
Have you ever asked: Who am I? Why am I here? What am I doing?
If you sit long enough and listen...
you'll get your answers.
Trust me.
They say: be open.
listen to your breath.
sit with the present moment.
If you are reading these words..then you know.
We are all connected.
We are all here.
The world is what you make it.
Here.
For you. For me...
So, there are some things that will always remain a mystery to me. And I'm okay with that.
The existence of toe hairs on men. Why Gwen Stefani sings about bananas. Who would win in a fight between Barbara Streisand and Robert Smith (of The Cure)........
....... why certain men/women in my life choose to remain enigmatic. The elusive nature of some individuals have certainly spawned many a sonnet or story. Perhaps that's what initially attracts me to these 'archetypal' conundrums....regardless of gender.
The invitation to hang out with family........
..............................as if it were a normal occurence.
The sharing of childhood memories, both traumatic and inspirational.
The collaboration of creation...with an unhappily, silent ever after.
rinse. repeat. not dry at all.
Innuendos. Mother/Father shadowed in partners. Relationships.
Sex utilized as a pleasurable torment. Sometimes a gun.
Haven't you ever played Russian Roulette with your genitals?
***********************************
And I have found redemption, so to speak, within myself. Sitting still. In silence.
The visions I see in my meditations help with making sense of my mere existence.
Some answers have come in the form of conversations...usually with the Dead.
Have you ever asked: Who am I? Why am I here? What am I doing?
If you sit long enough and listen...
you'll get your answers.
Trust me.
They say: be open.
listen to your breath.
sit with the present moment.
If you are reading these words..then you know.
We are all connected.
We are all here.
The world is what you make it.
Wednesday, July 22, 2009
Responding to Indifference
Dear Txxxxx,
I drove up to Big Sur this past weekend. Me and the girls had a 'Vagtastic Reconnection in the Redwoods'. Picture this: hills covered in bright green grass, trees towering towards the sky with the sunlight shining through the branches, a small creek a stone's throw away from our camp that lulled us to sleep each night and four women warriors with a myriad of different talents gathering around a campfire...sharing and giggling into the cooling night.
Most of the campsites were occupied. The neighbors to our left were a combination of two families with 3 children put together. The two fathers and toddlers made their way through the creek as the girls and I sat in our camp chairs...reading & absorbing the beauty that was surrounding us. As they made their way back to camp, one of the dads was carrying the little girl in his arms. She looked safe and trusting, the knowing look of a child that is truly loved...and cared for.
I reflected on that aspect of my life. The father I wished I knew better. The relationship that I still long for. The emotional connection that I'll never attain. Why was I born into this life, with the set of parents that gave me birth? What did I need to learn (in this life) to reach the next enlightened step?
I became overwhelmed for a few minutes. The tears that fell contributed to the flow of our small but serene creek. The fairies whispered encouragement...and the wise ones gently nodded in understanding.
Like I was describing to my sister, Nielle last night..it's not like I had the worst upbringing or childhood...it's just that I feel I received little encouragement and support from either of my parents..feeling obligated to take on the role of 'parent' for my mother and 'guardian' for my little brother...leaving little room for the little girl to be 'a little girl'.
And I realized that the lack of this much needed support carried over to all relationships that I had. That 'hole' that I kept trying to fill with different men..with various distractions (constructive and self-destructive) was never going to be filled if I didn't change my habits, my outlook....myself.
I came to terms with that epiphany. I acknowledged it, accepted it...and allowed the understanding fill my insides.
And all those men...those mirrors helped me in many ways. I remember a time when I just became angry or depressed at why things ended the way that they did....why certain ones just stopped calling...each one of them helped me to see those wounded parts, to try and heal them...helped me to realize that I was treating them exactly how I didn't want to be treated...like an object...like a thing I discarded in the trash....harsh, I know....but it was a defense mechanism for me so that they couldn't hurt me...what I didn't realize was...it was totally hurting me....preventing me from truly opening myself up and having love in my life...
I just didn't think I deserved it.
All I heard from my father was complaints. Complaints about not having money. Complaints about everything. And if he wasn't complaining, he was yelling about something.
I starved for a kind word. A single word of encouragment. A compliment. A hug.
I guess I can blame his military background. Or the lack of a father figure (my grandfather died when he was 8). I can tell you I developed my 'defensive tactics of incessant sarcasm and put-downs' from my father's repeated digs and jokes. My poor mother. She wasn't equipped with a resource of witty comebacks and sarcastic remarks. That passed on to me. It's probably why I'm so obsessed about mentioning 'Vagina' any chance I get. My father loved to make jokes about that at the dinner table. Yeah..don't ask...
I found retaliation through that outlet. My self-expression stemmed from the need to 'stand up for myself'. I'm sure I drew a lot of that strength from these few examples of adversity.
And why do I feel compelled to share this with you? Don't have a clue. I still think about you and wonder how you'll sleep...now that we don't have our 'good night' conversations and 'check ins'.
I hope you'll find whatever it is that you're not searching for.
I wish you love everyday.
And I wish this for me as well.
For the both of us...
All we have is now.
Oblie tout ca...
<3
-Athena
I drove up to Big Sur this past weekend. Me and the girls had a 'Vagtastic Reconnection in the Redwoods'. Picture this: hills covered in bright green grass, trees towering towards the sky with the sunlight shining through the branches, a small creek a stone's throw away from our camp that lulled us to sleep each night and four women warriors with a myriad of different talents gathering around a campfire...sharing and giggling into the cooling night.
Most of the campsites were occupied. The neighbors to our left were a combination of two families with 3 children put together. The two fathers and toddlers made their way through the creek as the girls and I sat in our camp chairs...reading & absorbing the beauty that was surrounding us. As they made their way back to camp, one of the dads was carrying the little girl in his arms. She looked safe and trusting, the knowing look of a child that is truly loved...and cared for.
I reflected on that aspect of my life. The father I wished I knew better. The relationship that I still long for. The emotional connection that I'll never attain. Why was I born into this life, with the set of parents that gave me birth? What did I need to learn (in this life) to reach the next enlightened step?
I became overwhelmed for a few minutes. The tears that fell contributed to the flow of our small but serene creek. The fairies whispered encouragement...and the wise ones gently nodded in understanding.
Like I was describing to my sister, Nielle last night..it's not like I had the worst upbringing or childhood...it's just that I feel I received little encouragement and support from either of my parents..feeling obligated to take on the role of 'parent' for my mother and 'guardian' for my little brother...leaving little room for the little girl to be 'a little girl'.
And I realized that the lack of this much needed support carried over to all relationships that I had. That 'hole' that I kept trying to fill with different men..with various distractions (constructive and self-destructive) was never going to be filled if I didn't change my habits, my outlook....myself.
I came to terms with that epiphany. I acknowledged it, accepted it...and allowed the understanding fill my insides.
And all those men...those mirrors helped me in many ways. I remember a time when I just became angry or depressed at why things ended the way that they did....why certain ones just stopped calling...each one of them helped me to see those wounded parts, to try and heal them...helped me to realize that I was treating them exactly how I didn't want to be treated...like an object...like a thing I discarded in the trash....harsh, I know....but it was a defense mechanism for me so that they couldn't hurt me...what I didn't realize was...it was totally hurting me....preventing me from truly opening myself up and having love in my life...
I just didn't think I deserved it.
All I heard from my father was complaints. Complaints about not having money. Complaints about everything. And if he wasn't complaining, he was yelling about something.
I starved for a kind word. A single word of encouragment. A compliment. A hug.
I guess I can blame his military background. Or the lack of a father figure (my grandfather died when he was 8). I can tell you I developed my 'defensive tactics of incessant sarcasm and put-downs' from my father's repeated digs and jokes. My poor mother. She wasn't equipped with a resource of witty comebacks and sarcastic remarks. That passed on to me. It's probably why I'm so obsessed about mentioning 'Vagina' any chance I get. My father loved to make jokes about that at the dinner table. Yeah..don't ask...
I found retaliation through that outlet. My self-expression stemmed from the need to 'stand up for myself'. I'm sure I drew a lot of that strength from these few examples of adversity.
And why do I feel compelled to share this with you? Don't have a clue. I still think about you and wonder how you'll sleep...now that we don't have our 'good night' conversations and 'check ins'.
I hope you'll find whatever it is that you're not searching for.
I wish you love everyday.
And I wish this for me as well.
For the both of us...
All we have is now.
Oblie tout ca...
<3
-Athena
Friday, July 17, 2009
A Letter to.........
Dear Mxxxxxxxxxxx
Thank you for entrusting me with your writing. Truth be told, 'The Palestine Papers' is a haunting, intense, overwhelming journey through words that one excitedly goes on...again and again...
I was laying in the Vortex after coming home from work the other day. My arms were stretched out on either side of me and I was staring out the window...looking up at blue skies and white cotton clouds. In the middle of my daydreaming, excerpts from your piece found their way inside my head. The headstrong Palestinian woman who had her house bombed. The children with their cries of anger and resentment towards the American government. Your compassionate and emotional response.
There are many things that happened to me after I read your email (with attachments) in its entirety.
It took every ounce of my energy to not just walk out on my job. At that moment. However, perhaps because of my past experience(s) and new found wisdom....I opted to instead,
re-confirm my reasons for coming back here and utilize my situation to the best of my ability (i.e. fax machines, Internet use, email access, printers, copiers, etc).
Oh, what...you didn't know Shed Your Skin had corporate sponsorship from WxxPxxxx?
Yeah, they didn't know and still don't. :0)
I'm working so I can make money and go traveling again. To continue my work of sharing information, connecting and communicating with others.
I plan on a trip to the 'Motherland' in either December 2010 or the early part of 2011. I've contacted the Gabrielas http://www.gabnet.org/(the largest group of women activists in the Philippines) to seek out their help in being part of a documentary I'll be working on. The premise being my journey from the US to P.I. I plan to volunteer at an orphanage as well as with the Gabrielas and hopefully train at one of the many Filipino Kali/Escrima martial art facilities in Cebu. Not only will I be documenting this visually, I will be (of course) capturing it in my journal with plans for a book release as well.
Your piece was somewhat of a catalyst. There was a part of me that wanted to follow in your footsteps...but, I felt more of a pull to do this first. It makes sense because...this experience (I'm sure) will bring a better understanding of who I am and where I came from. I may have been born in Oakland, California but my roots were long planted in a place that my father has always referenced as 'Back Home'.
I also wanted to share how much inspiration I drew from your piece. You upped the amp, my friend...and..as you know...there are many battlegrounds to choose from. Still have your bow and arrow? 'Cuz I may need it when the bullets from my guns run out and all I've got left are my fighting sticks, sword....and words. I plan on using all of these 'weapons' on this trip and probably for the rest of my life....
I miss our conversations, mon ami.
Perhaps, if it's written in the stars and the planets are aligned in the right way...we'll see each other again...
Mahalkita
-Athena
Thank you for entrusting me with your writing. Truth be told, 'The Palestine Papers' is a haunting, intense, overwhelming journey through words that one excitedly goes on...again and again...
I was laying in the Vortex after coming home from work the other day. My arms were stretched out on either side of me and I was staring out the window...looking up at blue skies and white cotton clouds. In the middle of my daydreaming, excerpts from your piece found their way inside my head. The headstrong Palestinian woman who had her house bombed. The children with their cries of anger and resentment towards the American government. Your compassionate and emotional response.
There are many things that happened to me after I read your email (with attachments) in its entirety.
It took every ounce of my energy to not just walk out on my job. At that moment. However, perhaps because of my past experience(s) and new found wisdom....I opted to instead,
re-confirm my reasons for coming back here and utilize my situation to the best of my ability (i.e. fax machines, Internet use, email access, printers, copiers, etc).
Oh, what...you didn't know Shed Your Skin had corporate sponsorship from WxxPxxxx?
Yeah, they didn't know and still don't. :0)
I'm working so I can make money and go traveling again. To continue my work of sharing information, connecting and communicating with others.
I plan on a trip to the 'Motherland' in either December 2010 or the early part of 2011. I've contacted the Gabrielas http://www.gabnet.org/(the largest group of women activists in the Philippines) to seek out their help in being part of a documentary I'll be working on. The premise being my journey from the US to P.I. I plan to volunteer at an orphanage as well as with the Gabrielas and hopefully train at one of the many Filipino Kali/Escrima martial art facilities in Cebu. Not only will I be documenting this visually, I will be (of course) capturing it in my journal with plans for a book release as well.
Your piece was somewhat of a catalyst. There was a part of me that wanted to follow in your footsteps...but, I felt more of a pull to do this first. It makes sense because...this experience (I'm sure) will bring a better understanding of who I am and where I came from. I may have been born in Oakland, California but my roots were long planted in a place that my father has always referenced as 'Back Home'.
I also wanted to share how much inspiration I drew from your piece. You upped the amp, my friend...and..as you know...there are many battlegrounds to choose from. Still have your bow and arrow? 'Cuz I may need it when the bullets from my guns run out and all I've got left are my fighting sticks, sword....and words. I plan on using all of these 'weapons' on this trip and probably for the rest of my life....
I miss our conversations, mon ami.
Perhaps, if it's written in the stars and the planets are aligned in the right way...we'll see each other again...
Mahalkita
-Athena
Monday, July 13, 2009
Munay-ki
Munay-Ki
The Munay-Ki comes from a Quechua word that means ‘I love you.’ The Munay-Ki are the nine rites of initiation to become a person of wisdom and power who has accepted the stewardship for all creation. The nine rites are common to all shamanic traditions, even though they are expressed in different forms and styles in different cultures. They derive from the great initiations from the Hindus Valley that were brought to the Americas by the first medicine men and women who crossed the Baring Straits from Siberia during the glacial period some 30,000 years ago. These courageous travelers were the Laika, the Earthkeepers of old.
The Laika have always been ordinary men and women who live extraordinary lives. They were not born with special gifts from Spirit; they have acquired uncommon grace and power through prayer, study of the wisdom teachings or Insights, and discipline. Some grew to be renowned leaders and healers, while others lived quiet lives, raising their children and growing corn. The Laika felt that people would come to the Munay-Ki when they were ready and felt a calling to do so.
Many of you have received such a calling from Spirit, and long to make a difference in the world and in your life. When you come to the path of the Earthkeepers with sincere intention and an open heart, you’ll soon notice that you’re not alone. You’ll find yourself in the company of like-minded people who strive to live by ethics and vision. And you’ll find yourself in the company of Earthkeepers who lived on this planet many thousands of years ago, luminous beings who are now part of the great matrix of life. These Earthkeepers will add their power and vision to yours.
As you experience the Munay-Ki, you’ll feel the presence and sense the wisdom of these luminous ones who have broken out of linear time and now dwell in sacred time, in infinity, free from the grip of karma and rebirth. The Munay-Ki will clear your luminous energy field of the psychic sludge left by past traumas. As you raise your level of vibration, these luminous beings will come to you and guide you. Connect with them, and you’ll be able to recall stories that you never experienced directly, but that are now yours. You’ll remember sitting around a fire with the buffalo behind you, and meditating in a stone temple above the snow line.
Since the Earthkeepers come from the future as well, they can help us to access who we’re becoming as humans 10,000 years from now. The memories from the past are available to the Laika who taps into that vast reservoir of knowledge that exists outside of time. The visions of the future come as possibilities, because everything in the future is still in potential form. That’s why Earthkeepers from the Hopi, the Maya, the Inka, and many other nations gather regularly to pray for peace on the earth. They do so by tracking along the possible futures for the planet to find one in which the rivers and the air are clean, and people live in harmony with each other and nature. The act of finding this desirable future installs it into our collective destiny and makes it a little bit more probable than it was before, because it has acquired another quanta of energy from these Earthkeepers.
When we connect with these luminous ones, their stories become our stories: We actually “remember” making our way across the Bering Straits or crossing the Sonora Desert into Central America, or even before that, making our way over the Himalayas to the fertile green valleys on our great journey north from India. When we partner with the Earthkeepers from the future, we make available to ourselves knowledge that can upgrade the quality of our DNA. This runs contrary to scientific wisdom, which says that our genes can only be informed by the past, by the gifts and illnesses our ancestors had. The Laika understand that when you are free of the bounds of time, the future can reach backwards like a giant hand to pull you forward. You can be influenced by who you are becoming.
As you receive the Munay-Ki, your chakras will become clear and you’ll acquire what the Laika know as the rainbow body. This is when your chakras glow with their original radiance. Remember that each of the chakras has a color, and when they’re shining with their original light, they emit the colors of the rainbow. When they’re dulled by trauma from this and from previous lifetimes, our LEF acquires a grayish hue and our chakras become pools of psychic sewage. Once we acquire a rainbow body, the luminous Earthkeepers can reach out to us because they recognize that we share a common vision and calling. When this happens, and if you’ve developed the ability to see into the invisible world, you can discern the former physical forms of these luminous ones. Sometimes, people will perceive these ancient Earthkeepers as Native American elders, wearing robes from Asia or furs from Siberia, or even feathers from the Amazon. Sometimes you’ll be able to perceive their thoughts and feelings. And you will have access to their wisdom and their stories. Eventually, as you experience the 7th, 8th, and 9th initiation, you can download a new and better version of the software that informs the LEF, which will then inform your DNA, giving it instructions on how to create a new body that will age, heal, and die differently.
There’s nothing you need to do to attract these luminous Earthkeepers. They’ll come to you when you invite them to do so and are ready to receive them. When the student is ready, the master appears. They will not disturb you in any way, but are available to support you in your efforts to bring a bit more light and healing into the world. They’re also there to protect you from the negativity and fearful energies in the world today.
The Nature of the Luminous Beings
These luminous ones are our medicine lineage. They’re humans who rose to the level of angels. Some are in bodies, some are in spirit form, but all have a mandate to protect those who are looking after the well-being of the planet. The Buddhists call them Bodhisattvas. They are the finest spiritual allies anyone can have, and they provide us with knowledge on how one becomes an angel. This is what the prophecies of the Laika mean when they tell us that we have the potential to become Homo luminous. We can develop the luminous energy fields of angels within our lifetime. The Munay-Ki offers us the energetic keys to do this.
When we evolve to Homo luminous, we no longer have to call on angels and archangels to help us find a parking spot or our fortunes, because we are becoming like them. Remember that in the Bible, God said, “Behold, the man is become as one of us, to know good and evil: and now, lest he put forth his hand, and take also of the tree of life, and eat, and live forever. ” As we become Earthkeepers, we join the ranks of the angels, who come from many different worlds and were the original souls present after the Creation. They don’t cycle through bodies as we do, because they don’t need a corporeal form, as they don’t need to learn and grow during an existence in the material world. They have everlasting life, and are the keepers of many worlds in many galaxies.
Initiation Rites
The training of the Earthkeepers has an energetic component, a series of initiations that help us to develop a new architecture in our luminous energy field. The rites anchor each of the critical junctures in the process of becoming homo luminous.
The nine rites are the sum total of attunements that we go through as we transit from the body of a human to the body of angels.
These rites were first given to ancient teachers by angelic beings, and now are passed on from teacher to student. When an Earthkeeper gifts the Munay-Ki to a student, it is the lineage of luminous beings that transmits itself, that leaps from the head of the master to the student as they lean into each other and touch, forehead to forehead. To transfer this energetic information, the Earthkeeper simply maintains sacred space and embodies the vibration of the level she wants to transmit. While you can’t undergo these initiations on your own, once you receive them, the rites are yours to transmit to others as you wish. But there is one caveat. The rites are offered free of charge. You may charge a fee to coach a client during the changes that they will go through as they receive the rites, but not for the Munay-Ki itself.
The Nine Rites
The first rite consists of protections installed in your LEF. These are known as the Bands of Power, and consist of five energetic bands representing earth, air, fire, water, and pure light. These bands are installed in your Luminous energy field, and act as filters, breaking down into one of the five elements any negative energies that come your way so that these energies can feed you instead of making you toxic or ill. The Bands of Power are always ‘on’, and negative energies bounce right off them. In a world filled with fear, the bands provide essential protection.
The second rite is the Healers rite, which connects you to a lineage of Earthkeepers from the past that come and assist you in your personal healing. The Laika know that we have tremendous spiritual assistance available to us. These luminous beings work on us during our meditation and sleep time to heal the wounds of the past and of our ancestors.
The third is the Harmony rites, in which you receive seven archetypes into your chakras. In the first chakra, you receive the archetype of serpent; jaguar goes into the second; hummingbird into the third; and eagle into the fourth. Then, three “archangels” go into your upper three chakras. Huascar Inka, the keeper of the lower world and the unconscious is transmitted into the fifth chakra; Quetzalcoatl, the feathered serpent God of the Americas, and keeper of the middle world (our waking world) goes into the sixth; and Pachakuti, the protector of the upper world (our super-conscious) and keeper of the time to come goes into the seventh chakra.These archetypes are transmitted into your chakras as seeds. These seeds germinate with fire, and you have to perform a number of fire meditations to awaken them and help them grow. Afterward, they help combust the psychic sludge that has built up in your chakras, so that your chakras can shine with their original light as you acquire a rainbow body. This rite helps you to shed your past the way the serpent sheds her skin.
Next are the Seer rites. This rite installs filaments of light extending from your visual cortex in the back of your head to your third eye and heart chakras. This practice awakens your ability to perceive the invisible world. Many of our students at the Healing the Light Body School find that a few months after receiving the Seer rites, they’re able to perceive the world of energy around them.
The fifth is the Daykeeper rites. The Daykeepers were the masters of the ancient stone altars found in sacred places throughout the world, from Stonehenge to Machu Picchu. The Daykeeper is able to call on the power of these ancient altars to heal and bring balance to the world. This rite is an energetic transmission that connects you to a lineage of Laikas from the past.According to lore, the Daykeepers call on the sun to rise each morning and set each evening, made sure that humans were in harmony with mother earth, and honored the ways of the feminine. The Daykeepers were the midwives who attended births and deaths, as well as being the herbalists, or curanderas. They were generally women, and were knowledgeable about the ways of the feminine earth. This initiation begins the process of healing your inner feminine, and helps you to step beyond fear and practice peace.
The sixth is the Wisdomkeeper rites. The legends say that the ancient wisdom resides in the high mountains. The ice-covered peaks were revered as places of power, just as other mountains around the world, from Mt. Sinai to Mt. Fuji to Mt. Olympus, have been honored as places where humans meet the divine. The lineage of Wisdomkeepers are medicine men and women from the past who defeated death and stepped outside of time. The job of the Wisdomkeeper is to protect the medicine teachings and share them with others when appropriate. This rite helps you to step outside of time and taste infinity.
The seventh is the Earthkeeper rites. This rite connects you to a lineage of archangels that are guardians of our galaxy. They’re reputed to have human form and be as tall as trees. The Earthkeepers, who are stewards of all life on the Earth, come under the direct protection of these archangels and can summon their power when they need to in order to bring healing and balance to any situation. The rite of the Earthkeepers helps you learn the ways of the seer, and to dream the world into being.
The eighth is the Starkeeper rite. This rite anchors you safely to the time after the great change that is said will occur on or around the year 2012. According to lore, when you receive this rite, your physical body begins to evolve into that of Homo luminous. The aging process is slowed down, and you become resistant to diseases you were once vulnerable to. After I received these rites, I noticed that I no longer processed events primarily at the physical level. When I caught a cold, I processed it at the energetic level and it would wash through me in a day or two instead of a week or two. I started to live, and process the events that occurred in my life, at the level Spirit. When you receive these rites, you acquire stewardship of the time to come and all future generations.
The ninth is the Creator rite. When you receive this initiation, you awaken the God-light within you acquire stewardship for all of creation, from the smallest grain of sand to the largest cluster of galaxies in the universe. This rite has never been available before on the planet. Although there were individuals who attained this level of initiation, and awakened their Christ or Buddha consciousness, it was never possible to transmit these from one person to another, until today. So while Spirit-to-human transmission happened on occasion, human-to-human transmission was impossible until now. The Creator rite was brought forth and gifted to us by Inka elders in the Andes during the summer of 2006.
A Note from the Author
According to lore, the wisdom teachings of the Earthkeepers go back more than 100,000 years. During this time, the teachings have gone through many transformations, as mountain peoples migrated to lush farmland and then crossed the ice in Siberia into the thick forests of the American continent. Today, we’re going through another evolution as we bring this ancient body of knowledge into the 21st century. And although the outer form of the teachings change, the inner form remains the same.I believe that we’re the new Earthkeepers who, it is said, will come from the West. I would love to hear about your experiences with the insights, and the success and challenges that you encounter in your practice.
In munay,
Alberto Villoldo, Ph.D.
The Source of the Rites of the Munay-Ki
Rites of passage and initiation have been practiced for millennia by all peoples in the Earth. The rites of the Munay-Ki are based on initiatory practices of the Inka and pre-Inka shamans of the Andes and the Amazon. They are presented the way that I learned them from my mentors, stripped of all trace of the cultures they come from. I did this to respect the native traditions, and to avoid the idea that persons from the West can become traditional shamans or Indians. I offer these rites with full permission from my teacher, don Manuel Quispe, who was the last great medicine man of the Q’ero Inka nation. Any fault or flaw in their presentation is exclusively my own.
*The Seers rite is practiced in many different forms among the North Coast peoples of Peru, (the descendants of the Chimu and Moche cultures), and by the seers and trackers of the Amazon.
*The Harmony Rite comes from the lowland Q’ero, the Huachipayre people from the edge of the Amazon. I learned it from don Alejandro Cahuanchi, a renowned healer.
*The Bands of Power were transmitted by Juan Victor Nuñez del Prado, a friend and colleague, whose father was one of the original discoverers of the Q’ero nation.
*The Healers Rite is known as the Hampe blessing and comes from the highland Q’ero people.
*The Daykeepers Rite is known among the Q’ero as the Pampamesayok, referring to the lowlands and valleys of the ‘pampa’, and to the mesa or altar.
*The Wisdomkeepers Rite is known among the Q’ero as the Altomesayok rite, referring to the high mountains of the Andes. Don Manuel Quispe was the last great Altomesayok of Q’ero.
*The Earthkeepers Rite is known among the Q’ero as the Kurak Akuyek rite, referring to the elder who ‘masticates’ the wisdom to nurture the young ones who follow.
*The Starkeepers Rite is known as the Mosoq Karpay, which means the ‘new rite’ in the Qechua language. This rite announces and prepares one for the ‘time to come.’ The structure of Inka cosmology goes from the Earth (Pachamama) to the Mountains (Apu) to the Stars.
*The Creator Rites are known as the Taitanchis rite. The word Taitanchis literally translates as ‘God.’
These rites are not only stages of initiation, but perhaps steps for the evolution of humanity. As nations fight for bits of territory and battle over land, we must find the wisdom to create peace among all peoples. As our space telescopes show us images of a vast and immeasurable Universe, we must find a human story that is inclusive of the stars. And as our ability to destroy the world increases, we are called to step up to the task of assuming stewardship for all creation.
In essence, the rites are about stewardship. They are not ego-awards or recognition of any kind of achievement, nor do they make anyone special. On the contrary, they make one uniquely unimportant. Only then, from a position of no-ego, can we truly be of service.
During their visits to the USA, the Inka pointed out that the rites were not for us individually, they were for others, to be shared. It has been my experience that they do not blossom unless we give them away with great munay, with love.
In Munay
Alberto Villoldo PhD March 2007
The Great Principles
Nonviolence: bring no harm to yourself or others
Truthfulness: be true to your word, and let your word be true
Integrity: do not steal, not even a glance; walk your talk
Moderation: use wisely the life force within you
Generosity: give more than you take for nothing in the world really belongs to you
The Munay-Ki comes from a Quechua word that means ‘I love you.’ The Munay-Ki are the nine rites of initiation to become a person of wisdom and power who has accepted the stewardship for all creation. The nine rites are common to all shamanic traditions, even though they are expressed in different forms and styles in different cultures. They derive from the great initiations from the Hindus Valley that were brought to the Americas by the first medicine men and women who crossed the Baring Straits from Siberia during the glacial period some 30,000 years ago. These courageous travelers were the Laika, the Earthkeepers of old.
The Laika have always been ordinary men and women who live extraordinary lives. They were not born with special gifts from Spirit; they have acquired uncommon grace and power through prayer, study of the wisdom teachings or Insights, and discipline. Some grew to be renowned leaders and healers, while others lived quiet lives, raising their children and growing corn. The Laika felt that people would come to the Munay-Ki when they were ready and felt a calling to do so.
Many of you have received such a calling from Spirit, and long to make a difference in the world and in your life. When you come to the path of the Earthkeepers with sincere intention and an open heart, you’ll soon notice that you’re not alone. You’ll find yourself in the company of like-minded people who strive to live by ethics and vision. And you’ll find yourself in the company of Earthkeepers who lived on this planet many thousands of years ago, luminous beings who are now part of the great matrix of life. These Earthkeepers will add their power and vision to yours.
As you experience the Munay-Ki, you’ll feel the presence and sense the wisdom of these luminous ones who have broken out of linear time and now dwell in sacred time, in infinity, free from the grip of karma and rebirth. The Munay-Ki will clear your luminous energy field of the psychic sludge left by past traumas. As you raise your level of vibration, these luminous beings will come to you and guide you. Connect with them, and you’ll be able to recall stories that you never experienced directly, but that are now yours. You’ll remember sitting around a fire with the buffalo behind you, and meditating in a stone temple above the snow line.
Since the Earthkeepers come from the future as well, they can help us to access who we’re becoming as humans 10,000 years from now. The memories from the past are available to the Laika who taps into that vast reservoir of knowledge that exists outside of time. The visions of the future come as possibilities, because everything in the future is still in potential form. That’s why Earthkeepers from the Hopi, the Maya, the Inka, and many other nations gather regularly to pray for peace on the earth. They do so by tracking along the possible futures for the planet to find one in which the rivers and the air are clean, and people live in harmony with each other and nature. The act of finding this desirable future installs it into our collective destiny and makes it a little bit more probable than it was before, because it has acquired another quanta of energy from these Earthkeepers.
When we connect with these luminous ones, their stories become our stories: We actually “remember” making our way across the Bering Straits or crossing the Sonora Desert into Central America, or even before that, making our way over the Himalayas to the fertile green valleys on our great journey north from India. When we partner with the Earthkeepers from the future, we make available to ourselves knowledge that can upgrade the quality of our DNA. This runs contrary to scientific wisdom, which says that our genes can only be informed by the past, by the gifts and illnesses our ancestors had. The Laika understand that when you are free of the bounds of time, the future can reach backwards like a giant hand to pull you forward. You can be influenced by who you are becoming.
As you receive the Munay-Ki, your chakras will become clear and you’ll acquire what the Laika know as the rainbow body. This is when your chakras glow with their original radiance. Remember that each of the chakras has a color, and when they’re shining with their original light, they emit the colors of the rainbow. When they’re dulled by trauma from this and from previous lifetimes, our LEF acquires a grayish hue and our chakras become pools of psychic sewage. Once we acquire a rainbow body, the luminous Earthkeepers can reach out to us because they recognize that we share a common vision and calling. When this happens, and if you’ve developed the ability to see into the invisible world, you can discern the former physical forms of these luminous ones. Sometimes, people will perceive these ancient Earthkeepers as Native American elders, wearing robes from Asia or furs from Siberia, or even feathers from the Amazon. Sometimes you’ll be able to perceive their thoughts and feelings. And you will have access to their wisdom and their stories. Eventually, as you experience the 7th, 8th, and 9th initiation, you can download a new and better version of the software that informs the LEF, which will then inform your DNA, giving it instructions on how to create a new body that will age, heal, and die differently.
There’s nothing you need to do to attract these luminous Earthkeepers. They’ll come to you when you invite them to do so and are ready to receive them. When the student is ready, the master appears. They will not disturb you in any way, but are available to support you in your efforts to bring a bit more light and healing into the world. They’re also there to protect you from the negativity and fearful energies in the world today.
The Nature of the Luminous Beings
These luminous ones are our medicine lineage. They’re humans who rose to the level of angels. Some are in bodies, some are in spirit form, but all have a mandate to protect those who are looking after the well-being of the planet. The Buddhists call them Bodhisattvas. They are the finest spiritual allies anyone can have, and they provide us with knowledge on how one becomes an angel. This is what the prophecies of the Laika mean when they tell us that we have the potential to become Homo luminous. We can develop the luminous energy fields of angels within our lifetime. The Munay-Ki offers us the energetic keys to do this.
When we evolve to Homo luminous, we no longer have to call on angels and archangels to help us find a parking spot or our fortunes, because we are becoming like them. Remember that in the Bible, God said, “Behold, the man is become as one of us, to know good and evil: and now, lest he put forth his hand, and take also of the tree of life, and eat, and live forever. ” As we become Earthkeepers, we join the ranks of the angels, who come from many different worlds and were the original souls present after the Creation. They don’t cycle through bodies as we do, because they don’t need a corporeal form, as they don’t need to learn and grow during an existence in the material world. They have everlasting life, and are the keepers of many worlds in many galaxies.
Initiation Rites
The training of the Earthkeepers has an energetic component, a series of initiations that help us to develop a new architecture in our luminous energy field. The rites anchor each of the critical junctures in the process of becoming homo luminous.
The nine rites are the sum total of attunements that we go through as we transit from the body of a human to the body of angels.
These rites were first given to ancient teachers by angelic beings, and now are passed on from teacher to student. When an Earthkeeper gifts the Munay-Ki to a student, it is the lineage of luminous beings that transmits itself, that leaps from the head of the master to the student as they lean into each other and touch, forehead to forehead. To transfer this energetic information, the Earthkeeper simply maintains sacred space and embodies the vibration of the level she wants to transmit. While you can’t undergo these initiations on your own, once you receive them, the rites are yours to transmit to others as you wish. But there is one caveat. The rites are offered free of charge. You may charge a fee to coach a client during the changes that they will go through as they receive the rites, but not for the Munay-Ki itself.
The Nine Rites
The first rite consists of protections installed in your LEF. These are known as the Bands of Power, and consist of five energetic bands representing earth, air, fire, water, and pure light. These bands are installed in your Luminous energy field, and act as filters, breaking down into one of the five elements any negative energies that come your way so that these energies can feed you instead of making you toxic or ill. The Bands of Power are always ‘on’, and negative energies bounce right off them. In a world filled with fear, the bands provide essential protection.
The second rite is the Healers rite, which connects you to a lineage of Earthkeepers from the past that come and assist you in your personal healing. The Laika know that we have tremendous spiritual assistance available to us. These luminous beings work on us during our meditation and sleep time to heal the wounds of the past and of our ancestors.
The third is the Harmony rites, in which you receive seven archetypes into your chakras. In the first chakra, you receive the archetype of serpent; jaguar goes into the second; hummingbird into the third; and eagle into the fourth. Then, three “archangels” go into your upper three chakras. Huascar Inka, the keeper of the lower world and the unconscious is transmitted into the fifth chakra; Quetzalcoatl, the feathered serpent God of the Americas, and keeper of the middle world (our waking world) goes into the sixth; and Pachakuti, the protector of the upper world (our super-conscious) and keeper of the time to come goes into the seventh chakra.These archetypes are transmitted into your chakras as seeds. These seeds germinate with fire, and you have to perform a number of fire meditations to awaken them and help them grow. Afterward, they help combust the psychic sludge that has built up in your chakras, so that your chakras can shine with their original light as you acquire a rainbow body. This rite helps you to shed your past the way the serpent sheds her skin.
Next are the Seer rites. This rite installs filaments of light extending from your visual cortex in the back of your head to your third eye and heart chakras. This practice awakens your ability to perceive the invisible world. Many of our students at the Healing the Light Body School find that a few months after receiving the Seer rites, they’re able to perceive the world of energy around them.
The fifth is the Daykeeper rites. The Daykeepers were the masters of the ancient stone altars found in sacred places throughout the world, from Stonehenge to Machu Picchu. The Daykeeper is able to call on the power of these ancient altars to heal and bring balance to the world. This rite is an energetic transmission that connects you to a lineage of Laikas from the past.According to lore, the Daykeepers call on the sun to rise each morning and set each evening, made sure that humans were in harmony with mother earth, and honored the ways of the feminine. The Daykeepers were the midwives who attended births and deaths, as well as being the herbalists, or curanderas. They were generally women, and were knowledgeable about the ways of the feminine earth. This initiation begins the process of healing your inner feminine, and helps you to step beyond fear and practice peace.
The sixth is the Wisdomkeeper rites. The legends say that the ancient wisdom resides in the high mountains. The ice-covered peaks were revered as places of power, just as other mountains around the world, from Mt. Sinai to Mt. Fuji to Mt. Olympus, have been honored as places where humans meet the divine. The lineage of Wisdomkeepers are medicine men and women from the past who defeated death and stepped outside of time. The job of the Wisdomkeeper is to protect the medicine teachings and share them with others when appropriate. This rite helps you to step outside of time and taste infinity.
The seventh is the Earthkeeper rites. This rite connects you to a lineage of archangels that are guardians of our galaxy. They’re reputed to have human form and be as tall as trees. The Earthkeepers, who are stewards of all life on the Earth, come under the direct protection of these archangels and can summon their power when they need to in order to bring healing and balance to any situation. The rite of the Earthkeepers helps you learn the ways of the seer, and to dream the world into being.
The eighth is the Starkeeper rite. This rite anchors you safely to the time after the great change that is said will occur on or around the year 2012. According to lore, when you receive this rite, your physical body begins to evolve into that of Homo luminous. The aging process is slowed down, and you become resistant to diseases you were once vulnerable to. After I received these rites, I noticed that I no longer processed events primarily at the physical level. When I caught a cold, I processed it at the energetic level and it would wash through me in a day or two instead of a week or two. I started to live, and process the events that occurred in my life, at the level Spirit. When you receive these rites, you acquire stewardship of the time to come and all future generations.
The ninth is the Creator rite. When you receive this initiation, you awaken the God-light within you acquire stewardship for all of creation, from the smallest grain of sand to the largest cluster of galaxies in the universe. This rite has never been available before on the planet. Although there were individuals who attained this level of initiation, and awakened their Christ or Buddha consciousness, it was never possible to transmit these from one person to another, until today. So while Spirit-to-human transmission happened on occasion, human-to-human transmission was impossible until now. The Creator rite was brought forth and gifted to us by Inka elders in the Andes during the summer of 2006.
A Note from the Author
According to lore, the wisdom teachings of the Earthkeepers go back more than 100,000 years. During this time, the teachings have gone through many transformations, as mountain peoples migrated to lush farmland and then crossed the ice in Siberia into the thick forests of the American continent. Today, we’re going through another evolution as we bring this ancient body of knowledge into the 21st century. And although the outer form of the teachings change, the inner form remains the same.I believe that we’re the new Earthkeepers who, it is said, will come from the West. I would love to hear about your experiences with the insights, and the success and challenges that you encounter in your practice.
In munay,
Alberto Villoldo, Ph.D.
The Source of the Rites of the Munay-Ki
Rites of passage and initiation have been practiced for millennia by all peoples in the Earth. The rites of the Munay-Ki are based on initiatory practices of the Inka and pre-Inka shamans of the Andes and the Amazon. They are presented the way that I learned them from my mentors, stripped of all trace of the cultures they come from. I did this to respect the native traditions, and to avoid the idea that persons from the West can become traditional shamans or Indians. I offer these rites with full permission from my teacher, don Manuel Quispe, who was the last great medicine man of the Q’ero Inka nation. Any fault or flaw in their presentation is exclusively my own.
*The Seers rite is practiced in many different forms among the North Coast peoples of Peru, (the descendants of the Chimu and Moche cultures), and by the seers and trackers of the Amazon.
*The Harmony Rite comes from the lowland Q’ero, the Huachipayre people from the edge of the Amazon. I learned it from don Alejandro Cahuanchi, a renowned healer.
*The Bands of Power were transmitted by Juan Victor Nuñez del Prado, a friend and colleague, whose father was one of the original discoverers of the Q’ero nation.
*The Healers Rite is known as the Hampe blessing and comes from the highland Q’ero people.
*The Daykeepers Rite is known among the Q’ero as the Pampamesayok, referring to the lowlands and valleys of the ‘pampa’, and to the mesa or altar.
*The Wisdomkeepers Rite is known among the Q’ero as the Altomesayok rite, referring to the high mountains of the Andes. Don Manuel Quispe was the last great Altomesayok of Q’ero.
*The Earthkeepers Rite is known among the Q’ero as the Kurak Akuyek rite, referring to the elder who ‘masticates’ the wisdom to nurture the young ones who follow.
*The Starkeepers Rite is known as the Mosoq Karpay, which means the ‘new rite’ in the Qechua language. This rite announces and prepares one for the ‘time to come.’ The structure of Inka cosmology goes from the Earth (Pachamama) to the Mountains (Apu) to the Stars.
*The Creator Rites are known as the Taitanchis rite. The word Taitanchis literally translates as ‘God.’
These rites are not only stages of initiation, but perhaps steps for the evolution of humanity. As nations fight for bits of territory and battle over land, we must find the wisdom to create peace among all peoples. As our space telescopes show us images of a vast and immeasurable Universe, we must find a human story that is inclusive of the stars. And as our ability to destroy the world increases, we are called to step up to the task of assuming stewardship for all creation.
In essence, the rites are about stewardship. They are not ego-awards or recognition of any kind of achievement, nor do they make anyone special. On the contrary, they make one uniquely unimportant. Only then, from a position of no-ego, can we truly be of service.
During their visits to the USA, the Inka pointed out that the rites were not for us individually, they were for others, to be shared. It has been my experience that they do not blossom unless we give them away with great munay, with love.
In Munay
Alberto Villoldo PhD March 2007
The Great Principles
Nonviolence: bring no harm to yourself or others
Truthfulness: be true to your word, and let your word be true
Integrity: do not steal, not even a glance; walk your talk
Moderation: use wisely the life force within you
Generosity: give more than you take for nothing in the world really belongs to you
Monday, July 6, 2009
"It's just a salad"
“It’s just a salad.”
A lesson in communicating gratitude with a mindful resonance.
I organized a small event with some friends in the early part of June. As some of you may know, whether the event is 5 or 500 people, it takes planning, organizing, time, energy and sometimes…blood, sweat and tears. Don’t get me wrong, it’s not me flipping my ‘bitch switch’ or making the whining rounds…it’s me sharing a story and experience that consistently helps remind me to observe, learn, communicate, share and evolve.
The intention was to have a proper ‘Salon’. A gathering of artists and activists to discuss art. Some brought food, others brought artwork…one brought his appetite and ‘wit’…the other opened his creative space and home alongside his desire to find a companion unbeknownst to me until the day of.
It was predominately women that attended the event. According to my perspective and opinion, I speculated that the Huckleberry Finn Vortex hadn’t seen that much eccentric, erotic estrogen in quite some time. I got to give it to them, they were diplomatic..sort of.
Food is important. So are my friends. So is art. You would think it’s a winning combo. And it is..however, it’s a gathering for people to meet each other and discuss art…
not E fucking Harmony.
My suspicions were triggered. I got this sense that the efforts of making food and all the preparation were not fully realized or appreciated. I noticed that my male friends were somewhat ogling my tribe and they weren’t really asking questions geared towards art whatsoever. At first, I was going to just let it go but because I valued my friendship with this particular friend…I felt it would behoove the two of us to make a stronger bond and have a better understanding overall…communicating my feelings was the best route.
So, I called him the other night and we talked. I shared how I felt. I tried to convey how my perception was that my actions weren’t appreciated and were taken for granted. I used the example of food (because it’s a really great metaphor in my opinion). I made a beautiful salad with ingredients bought from the Farmer’s market. All organic. All made with love. His response was that he didn’t really value food.
He said very poignantly, “It’s just a salad.”
Wow. I was stunned. My instinct was right. I responded that I took time to go to the Farmer’s Market, spent money in purchasing these things, put it all together and of course wanted to share it with everyone.
What I learned is that when you give, there are some that will truly appreciate your gift…and others…well…all it will be is ‘just a salad’.
And that got me thinking about expectations. Am I giving with the expectation of receiving something in return?
What about a gift that is freely given? Unconditional. No expectations.
Challenging? Yes.
As for my friend, well…I came to terms with what this means. I cannot force my friend to be on my level when it comes to giving….I don’t want to give with conditions nor do I want to dictate how some should respond to my ‘gift giving’.
All you really can do is to lead by living the example. Being the change you wish to see in the world. If I were to talk about how much he should be, I would come off as self-righteous and that is not an endearing quality…in my opinion.
I also realized that it was my ego speaking up, too. Not in a bad way…just piping up when situations cause me to feel very strongly and when this happens…it means things are being stirred up and it pretty much forces me to look at parts of myself that I really need to look at….like someone holding up a mirror to my face…in a way…
I often hear people complain about little things that others do. You know…like not calling back or showing up when they said they would…and what’s funny (and I’m totally guilty of this, too!) is that these very same attributes that others complain of are often the very same things that the person is guilty of…and what do we do with that?
Well, I have found that communicating your feelings is healthy as long as you come from a place of compassion, sensitivity and if you utilize a lot of ‘I feel’ statements. Otherwise, the person you’re trying to have a conversation with will feel attacked and become defensive.
Another way of looking at the ‘salad’ situation is that now I know where my friend is coming from and that some of my gifts will not be appreciated… so I have a choice on whether I continue sharing with him (unconditionally) or find individuals who will appreciate the gift of my ‘salad’. You feelin’ me? Hope so…
The only thing we have control over is our own actions. It is not our job to dictate what others should or shouldn’t do. I have chosen to take this as a lesson in gratitude and from now on….I will do my best in appreciating the gifts that are given to me every day…
To honor my friends and their light..their ‘salads’…their abundant love that I’m so fuckin’ blessed with…
I also felt it was a lesson in reciprocation. Finding those that are willing to give and receive….and honor that as best as I can…
And don’t get me wrong…sometimes it’s good to share with others without the notion of receiving something in return….it’s just that in my case….I feel I’ve given soo much for sooo long that it’s just healthier for me to be aware of situations that would have me going back to my old ways of ‘constantly filling glasses from my own water pitcher, only to find that there’s no water left for me to drink’.
The place where I’m at is one of awareness and awakening.
Things are becoming clearer.
I am shedding my skin and trying to walk with beauty and honor.
Respect and reciprocation. Love and compassion.
A Mindfulness of what I’m open to and what does not serve me in a healthy way.
I wish this for you as well.
With love, infinitely…
A
A lesson in communicating gratitude with a mindful resonance.
I organized a small event with some friends in the early part of June. As some of you may know, whether the event is 5 or 500 people, it takes planning, organizing, time, energy and sometimes…blood, sweat and tears. Don’t get me wrong, it’s not me flipping my ‘bitch switch’ or making the whining rounds…it’s me sharing a story and experience that consistently helps remind me to observe, learn, communicate, share and evolve.
The intention was to have a proper ‘Salon’. A gathering of artists and activists to discuss art. Some brought food, others brought artwork…one brought his appetite and ‘wit’…the other opened his creative space and home alongside his desire to find a companion unbeknownst to me until the day of.
It was predominately women that attended the event. According to my perspective and opinion, I speculated that the Huckleberry Finn Vortex hadn’t seen that much eccentric, erotic estrogen in quite some time. I got to give it to them, they were diplomatic..sort of.
Food is important. So are my friends. So is art. You would think it’s a winning combo. And it is..however, it’s a gathering for people to meet each other and discuss art…
not E fucking Harmony.
My suspicions were triggered. I got this sense that the efforts of making food and all the preparation were not fully realized or appreciated. I noticed that my male friends were somewhat ogling my tribe and they weren’t really asking questions geared towards art whatsoever. At first, I was going to just let it go but because I valued my friendship with this particular friend…I felt it would behoove the two of us to make a stronger bond and have a better understanding overall…communicating my feelings was the best route.
So, I called him the other night and we talked. I shared how I felt. I tried to convey how my perception was that my actions weren’t appreciated and were taken for granted. I used the example of food (because it’s a really great metaphor in my opinion). I made a beautiful salad with ingredients bought from the Farmer’s market. All organic. All made with love. His response was that he didn’t really value food.
He said very poignantly, “It’s just a salad.”
Wow. I was stunned. My instinct was right. I responded that I took time to go to the Farmer’s Market, spent money in purchasing these things, put it all together and of course wanted to share it with everyone.
What I learned is that when you give, there are some that will truly appreciate your gift…and others…well…all it will be is ‘just a salad’.
And that got me thinking about expectations. Am I giving with the expectation of receiving something in return?
What about a gift that is freely given? Unconditional. No expectations.
Challenging? Yes.
As for my friend, well…I came to terms with what this means. I cannot force my friend to be on my level when it comes to giving….I don’t want to give with conditions nor do I want to dictate how some should respond to my ‘gift giving’.
All you really can do is to lead by living the example. Being the change you wish to see in the world. If I were to talk about how much he should be, I would come off as self-righteous and that is not an endearing quality…in my opinion.
I also realized that it was my ego speaking up, too. Not in a bad way…just piping up when situations cause me to feel very strongly and when this happens…it means things are being stirred up and it pretty much forces me to look at parts of myself that I really need to look at….like someone holding up a mirror to my face…in a way…
I often hear people complain about little things that others do. You know…like not calling back or showing up when they said they would…and what’s funny (and I’m totally guilty of this, too!) is that these very same attributes that others complain of are often the very same things that the person is guilty of…and what do we do with that?
Well, I have found that communicating your feelings is healthy as long as you come from a place of compassion, sensitivity and if you utilize a lot of ‘I feel’ statements. Otherwise, the person you’re trying to have a conversation with will feel attacked and become defensive.
Another way of looking at the ‘salad’ situation is that now I know where my friend is coming from and that some of my gifts will not be appreciated… so I have a choice on whether I continue sharing with him (unconditionally) or find individuals who will appreciate the gift of my ‘salad’. You feelin’ me? Hope so…
The only thing we have control over is our own actions. It is not our job to dictate what others should or shouldn’t do. I have chosen to take this as a lesson in gratitude and from now on….I will do my best in appreciating the gifts that are given to me every day…
To honor my friends and their light..their ‘salads’…their abundant love that I’m so fuckin’ blessed with…
I also felt it was a lesson in reciprocation. Finding those that are willing to give and receive….and honor that as best as I can…
And don’t get me wrong…sometimes it’s good to share with others without the notion of receiving something in return….it’s just that in my case….I feel I’ve given soo much for sooo long that it’s just healthier for me to be aware of situations that would have me going back to my old ways of ‘constantly filling glasses from my own water pitcher, only to find that there’s no water left for me to drink’.
The place where I’m at is one of awareness and awakening.
Things are becoming clearer.
I am shedding my skin and trying to walk with beauty and honor.
Respect and reciprocation. Love and compassion.
A Mindfulness of what I’m open to and what does not serve me in a healthy way.
I wish this for you as well.
With love, infinitely…
A
Wednesday, May 13, 2009
Unwanting You
My arms cross
for the simple
but unexplainable reason
that has nothing to do
with the weather.
Inside,
my heart pounds.
Inside,
a pair of butterfly wings
emerge and
flutter.
Inside,
I resist the urge...
Instead
I vigorously clean
the kitchen counter
hoping you won't notice
how immaculate
it already is.
Instead
I avoid your eyes
to hide
my thoughts
that swim
within my own.
Instead
I watch you
close the door
and wait
for the gentle click
then echo
of your good-bye.
for the simple
but unexplainable reason
that has nothing to do
with the weather.
Inside,
my heart pounds.
Inside,
a pair of butterfly wings
emerge and
flutter.
Inside,
I resist the urge...
Instead
I vigorously clean
the kitchen counter
hoping you won't notice
how immaculate
it already is.
Instead
I avoid your eyes
to hide
my thoughts
that swim
within my own.
Instead
I watch you
close the door
and wait
for the gentle click
then echo
of your good-bye.
Tuesday, April 28, 2009
Here. Now.
San Jose is a strange city. It's a fusion of suburbia, urban ghettos and rich hillside manors worth millions of dollars. Not a replica of Los Angeles...more like a shadow of an echo.
I'm here visiting Leanne & crew...which really means we've been doing a lot of laying and lounging in the sun, doing impromptu fashionesque photo shoots, watching the Food Network and staying up late...talking, gossiping into the wee hours of the night...the light of the fire setting the all important ambiance in their newly rented...spacious...very spacious house...
What's so weird is that the couch and coffee table set up is the same...just an entirely different location...and different city...not to mention county...so while I'm chatting away with one of our mutual friends...a slight sense of deja vu tickles me and I look over at Paul with this smirk on my face...and say, "It's just like the other house but completely different!" :o) Guess you had to be there...
There are several reasons why I'm here up North. Yes, to visit friends and family...but to also check out this Buddhist center: http://www.nyingmainstitute.com/
And, of course, I needed to get away...and I know...I just got back from Ireland but...the past...the past came chasing me down....and it came whether I was ready for it or not...and when I reflect on it now...they're like polaroid picture images...flash! flash! flash!
Ex lovers...ex boyfriends who broke my heart...calling out of the blue...leaving strange messages on my machine...or they're up on stage at one of our local hang outs...playing guitar with eyes closed....or they're telling you what's happened to them in the past decade in a span of time parallel to a cigarette break ...
And all these faces...all these voices I'm hearing through the phone or on the machine...they come with the elation at first...that initial shock overcomes me and then it's all surreal...like I'm looking at a carbon copy of myself...watching my own face nod and cringe and laugh and cry...and then I remember....the color fades and it's all black at first...then the pain and anger hits. I remember ALL of it. What I endured. What I had to go through. That really painful journey of just getting through it...you know, IT!
The whole process of letting go, analyzing what went wrong, the late night calls to your closest friends, the tears and tissues...and then the acceptance...the scab wounds slowly heal and then you start all over...again...
And you know what the funny thing is? They all come back eventually. They always want something...sometimes it takes them months to figure out what they had but only when it's gone...and for those really really good ones...some times it takes years for them to get a handle on things and have it all figured out...
I've had to deal with a lot of disappointment and heartache in my young 32 years of existence. I've had to find resolution and closure within myself because sometimes I wasn't gifted with a last conversation, letter, email, message, meeting, dinner..or fuck....sometimes it was a story that never got finished so I had to write my own ending and just leave it at that.
What intrigues me so is the guilt I sense in their apologies, how some speak so quickly that it's as if they don't want you to hear their remorse...they just want to graze over all the hurt and mistakes they 'intentionally' or 'unintentionally' committed...and just get back to the beginning...you know, before everything got so 'complicated'.
'complicated' really translating to the 'sex'.
And so...I find myself in San Jose...also to get away...I went to Ireland for that very same reason...and well, let's just say it followed me there as well...but no worries...I'm not running...I'm avoiding. There's a HUGE difference...wait, no...I got it! I'm on vacation!
:o)
So, in the mean time...I'm currently distracting myself with books, art projects, chocolate, road trips, writing, lounging, meditating and hiking...with infinite additions to this list...
and I will properly deal/confront the afformed issues mentioned above at the appropriate time...after....of course....I save the world, write my books, clean and organize the inside of my car....and have a french vanilla chai latte with the Dalai Llama in a banyan tree with spider monkeys jumping about....
Prioritizing is key, of course!
Oh, happy days ahead!
:o)
-A
I'm here visiting Leanne & crew...which really means we've been doing a lot of laying and lounging in the sun, doing impromptu fashionesque photo shoots, watching the Food Network and staying up late...talking, gossiping into the wee hours of the night...the light of the fire setting the all important ambiance in their newly rented...spacious...very spacious house...
What's so weird is that the couch and coffee table set up is the same...just an entirely different location...and different city...not to mention county...so while I'm chatting away with one of our mutual friends...a slight sense of deja vu tickles me and I look over at Paul with this smirk on my face...and say, "It's just like the other house but completely different!" :o) Guess you had to be there...
There are several reasons why I'm here up North. Yes, to visit friends and family...but to also check out this Buddhist center: http://www.nyingmainstitute.com/
And, of course, I needed to get away...and I know...I just got back from Ireland but...the past...the past came chasing me down....and it came whether I was ready for it or not...and when I reflect on it now...they're like polaroid picture images...flash! flash! flash!
Ex lovers...ex boyfriends who broke my heart...calling out of the blue...leaving strange messages on my machine...or they're up on stage at one of our local hang outs...playing guitar with eyes closed....or they're telling you what's happened to them in the past decade in a span of time parallel to a cigarette break ...
And all these faces...all these voices I'm hearing through the phone or on the machine...they come with the elation at first...that initial shock overcomes me and then it's all surreal...like I'm looking at a carbon copy of myself...watching my own face nod and cringe and laugh and cry...and then I remember....the color fades and it's all black at first...then the pain and anger hits. I remember ALL of it. What I endured. What I had to go through. That really painful journey of just getting through it...you know, IT!
The whole process of letting go, analyzing what went wrong, the late night calls to your closest friends, the tears and tissues...and then the acceptance...the scab wounds slowly heal and then you start all over...again...
And you know what the funny thing is? They all come back eventually. They always want something...sometimes it takes them months to figure out what they had but only when it's gone...and for those really really good ones...some times it takes years for them to get a handle on things and have it all figured out...
I've had to deal with a lot of disappointment and heartache in my young 32 years of existence. I've had to find resolution and closure within myself because sometimes I wasn't gifted with a last conversation, letter, email, message, meeting, dinner..or fuck....sometimes it was a story that never got finished so I had to write my own ending and just leave it at that.
What intrigues me so is the guilt I sense in their apologies, how some speak so quickly that it's as if they don't want you to hear their remorse...they just want to graze over all the hurt and mistakes they 'intentionally' or 'unintentionally' committed...and just get back to the beginning...you know, before everything got so 'complicated'.
'complicated' really translating to the 'sex'.
And so...I find myself in San Jose...also to get away...I went to Ireland for that very same reason...and well, let's just say it followed me there as well...but no worries...I'm not running...I'm avoiding. There's a HUGE difference...wait, no...I got it! I'm on vacation!
:o)
So, in the mean time...I'm currently distracting myself with books, art projects, chocolate, road trips, writing, lounging, meditating and hiking...with infinite additions to this list...
and I will properly deal/confront the afformed issues mentioned above at the appropriate time...after....of course....I save the world, write my books, clean and organize the inside of my car....and have a french vanilla chai latte with the Dalai Llama in a banyan tree with spider monkeys jumping about....
Prioritizing is key, of course!
Oh, happy days ahead!
:o)
-A
Tuesday, April 21, 2009
For the love of a dance party
I see our future
withheld in the bass beats
of our nakedness
It is hard to ignore
the chaotic rhythms
personified by
our indifference
Time stretches
Fear conforms
And I'm waiting
and waiting
and waiting
To be proven wrong
only to realize
reality
and
truth
are the same
It is I who is different
No longer hopeless
but hopeful
No longer caged
but free
No longer dangling in a dream
but standing firm
with eyes
unclouded
and my heart open.
To anything
Attached to nothing...
Monday, March 23, 2009
Forced Perspective
Any amount of time spent in solitude could evoke several things: madness, loneliness, craziness, laziness, restlessness and introspection. That was A LOT of words that end in ness so I had to throw something of a curve ball...I guess I could have used introspectiveness. HA! In this particular instance, I would say all of the above has happened during my stay here in Gort...but before you think that it's a negative perspective...let me clarify...it has been a much needed experience really...I couldn't possibly summarize my entire trip in one blog entry...but in this particular one, I'm compelled to write one of a different perspective...
This house is in total isolation. It's not deep in the country but it's close. There are no city lights. No television. Trevor has an out of date computer (the 1980's kind) and a radio that he listens cricket games and rugby updates on...oh and the lovely BBC news. Those are his two main sources of keeping up on the 'outside world'. He's got a decent music collection (I'm currently listening to Laurie Anderson's Life on A String Album) and some books (lots of Tolstoy, Arthur Miller and gardening books..and some Jane Austen)...so I've been reading a lot and I take walks when the weather is good (which hasn't been that often). The only company I have when Trevor goes to work are his three dogs. It's been the weirdest experience. All the things I didn't want to think about, all the things I didn't want to face came prancing up to the surface...laughing almost maniacally. I was forced to look at them. In other words, I was forced to look at myself...and go inward.
And it wasn't easy. There were tears. There were lots of sighs. And since I accidentally dropped my cell phone in a cup of tea..I couldn't just pick up the phone and call someone. And I wouldn't have cared for the cost because I did that a few times on this trip (thank the heavens for BFF's)...
Then, there was the wave of gratitude. The things back home I took for granted...that I now sorely miss. All the lovely vegan/vegetarian restaurants. The beach and its beauty..the glorious sun and my infamous bike rides...the fact that I don't really stick out when I walk down Main Street because there are other girls with tattoos and multi-colored hair...my dear sweet friends...my Goddess Tribe...electrical outlets that don't need petrol generators to keep them going...Trader Joe's...my heater....and The Vortex...
You never really find out who you are or where you're from until you travel to another place...and then your accent seems different, your lingo....the slang that isn't different amongst friends but becomes a topic of conversation when you're at a party full of Germans, English, French, etc. Then, your hometown really almost becomes part of you...at least it does for me...and I'm really proud of that. I never thought I'd admit that...but it rings true for me..at least for now....
I really am a California girl at heart...I love the fact that we're an eclectic array of different ethnic backgrounds...and we have the best food EVER! :0) And I love the fact that I live an hour away from HellAye and a few hours from San Fran (or The City to the locals)...and the fact that I live 10 minutes from the beach..well, that's just fuckin' priceless....and if I had to choose between the cold, rainy (but beautiful) Irish countryside or the smog-filled beaches and craziness of California...
Well, I would just say....we have fairies, too...just of a different kind...
;0)
This house is in total isolation. It's not deep in the country but it's close. There are no city lights. No television. Trevor has an out of date computer (the 1980's kind) and a radio that he listens cricket games and rugby updates on...oh and the lovely BBC news. Those are his two main sources of keeping up on the 'outside world'. He's got a decent music collection (I'm currently listening to Laurie Anderson's Life on A String Album) and some books (lots of Tolstoy, Arthur Miller and gardening books..and some Jane Austen)...so I've been reading a lot and I take walks when the weather is good (which hasn't been that often). The only company I have when Trevor goes to work are his three dogs. It's been the weirdest experience. All the things I didn't want to think about, all the things I didn't want to face came prancing up to the surface...laughing almost maniacally. I was forced to look at them. In other words, I was forced to look at myself...and go inward.
And it wasn't easy. There were tears. There were lots of sighs. And since I accidentally dropped my cell phone in a cup of tea..I couldn't just pick up the phone and call someone. And I wouldn't have cared for the cost because I did that a few times on this trip (thank the heavens for BFF's)...
Then, there was the wave of gratitude. The things back home I took for granted...that I now sorely miss. All the lovely vegan/vegetarian restaurants. The beach and its beauty..the glorious sun and my infamous bike rides...the fact that I don't really stick out when I walk down Main Street because there are other girls with tattoos and multi-colored hair...my dear sweet friends...my Goddess Tribe...electrical outlets that don't need petrol generators to keep them going...Trader Joe's...my heater....and The Vortex...
You never really find out who you are or where you're from until you travel to another place...and then your accent seems different, your lingo....the slang that isn't different amongst friends but becomes a topic of conversation when you're at a party full of Germans, English, French, etc. Then, your hometown really almost becomes part of you...at least it does for me...and I'm really proud of that. I never thought I'd admit that...but it rings true for me..at least for now....
I really am a California girl at heart...I love the fact that we're an eclectic array of different ethnic backgrounds...and we have the best food EVER! :0) And I love the fact that I live an hour away from HellAye and a few hours from San Fran (or The City to the locals)...and the fact that I live 10 minutes from the beach..well, that's just fuckin' priceless....and if I had to choose between the cold, rainy (but beautiful) Irish countryside or the smog-filled beaches and craziness of California...
Well, I would just say....we have fairies, too...just of a different kind...
;0)
Thursday, March 19, 2009
The Gort in Ireland
I have been told that gort means garden in Gaelic. Which is truly apropos especially with the place I'm staying at. I'm couchsurfing w/ Trevor and my stay here has been one of peace, harmony, introspection and awareness. Trevor is a true English gentleman...housing and feeding me...being a tour guide and a good friend. What astounds me still is how the trip has landed me in the most unexpected places w/ the most random individuals. I still ponder the what ifs...and if I hadn't stayed here in Gort...the Garden of Ireland...my trip would have been vastly different...neither good nor bad...just different...
I wake up to birds singing. Sunlight pours through the huge windows in the kitchen. The wood burning stove heats the room downstairs, the water pipes and the rooms upstairs. There are three wonderful dogs: Tess, Macha and Siana. There is an abundance of Vegan food...a great music collection consisting of Tom Waits, Laurie Anderson, Siouxsie and The Banshees, Blondie, Julie Feeney, Johnny Cash, Alifarka Toure, Bob Marley, Jimi Hendrix, Bach and Beethoven and of course....Leonard Cohen....and there's more!
My room overlooks the front yard and the neighboring field. I spent St. Patrick's Day napping in my room, the sunshine cascading through...warming my toes and bare legs (it's been really cold and rainy here in Ireland!)...my feet properly propped up on the windowsill and I couldn't be happier....no phone...no TV....just the cacophony of birds, the stillness of the Irish countryside and the swaying array of different trees that dance with the wind: ash, hazelnut, willow.....
When I left the big cities of Ireland, my trip became better. Less noisy and busy...which I'm truly grateful for because I think that's why I came...to get away............
I am anxious.... in a way...I miss home..my friends...and of course...The Vortex...but I think I found the heart of Ireland...underneath it's darker display which I experienced in the beginning....it is in the fields and trees...the warmness felt in the kitchen of a loving home...the land tilled for flowers and vegetables...
I can't explain it. The dichotomy of this place and its people. My trip consisting of dualities and ups..and downs...the magic and the suffering...a field full of trees and green.......and beyond that...another field sits...a graveyard of stumps and brown...the land owned by the Forestry where trees are planted specifically to be cut down...a horrible and ugly sight to be seen... but it is happening and will continue to happen...
Unless we do something....
I come home next week...time truly flies by here...and I have found that some times when you leave a place...you become to appreciate it more when you're not there....and that rings true for me when I think of home...holidays are good for that...
See you all very soon...
-A
I wake up to birds singing. Sunlight pours through the huge windows in the kitchen. The wood burning stove heats the room downstairs, the water pipes and the rooms upstairs. There are three wonderful dogs: Tess, Macha and Siana. There is an abundance of Vegan food...a great music collection consisting of Tom Waits, Laurie Anderson, Siouxsie and The Banshees, Blondie, Julie Feeney, Johnny Cash, Alifarka Toure, Bob Marley, Jimi Hendrix, Bach and Beethoven and of course....Leonard Cohen....and there's more!
My room overlooks the front yard and the neighboring field. I spent St. Patrick's Day napping in my room, the sunshine cascading through...warming my toes and bare legs (it's been really cold and rainy here in Ireland!)...my feet properly propped up on the windowsill and I couldn't be happier....no phone...no TV....just the cacophony of birds, the stillness of the Irish countryside and the swaying array of different trees that dance with the wind: ash, hazelnut, willow.....
When I left the big cities of Ireland, my trip became better. Less noisy and busy...which I'm truly grateful for because I think that's why I came...to get away............
I am anxious.... in a way...I miss home..my friends...and of course...The Vortex...but I think I found the heart of Ireland...underneath it's darker display which I experienced in the beginning....it is in the fields and trees...the warmness felt in the kitchen of a loving home...the land tilled for flowers and vegetables...
I can't explain it. The dichotomy of this place and its people. My trip consisting of dualities and ups..and downs...the magic and the suffering...a field full of trees and green.......and beyond that...another field sits...a graveyard of stumps and brown...the land owned by the Forestry where trees are planted specifically to be cut down...a horrible and ugly sight to be seen... but it is happening and will continue to happen...
Unless we do something....
I come home next week...time truly flies by here...and I have found that some times when you leave a place...you become to appreciate it more when you're not there....and that rings true for me when I think of home...holidays are good for that...
See you all very soon...
-A
Tuesday, March 17, 2009
Shamrocks and Butterflies
Today is St. Patrick's Day. It's a weird 'holiday' because I think it's the saint who converted the Irish from the Pagan religion to Christianity. I think...if my memory serves me correctly. I have no idea what shamrocks have to do with religion but like all things that become mainstream...it becomes a thing of its own and well...you can either accept it or not. Being here in Ireland for this particular day has been quite amusing. Most of the people I've met here or spoke with really don't 'celebrate' it. What I've noticed is that it's become so commercialized....so capitalistic. During my stay here, I have come to open my eyes a little at that realization. Just like the hustlers in New York, LA and the like....they're here, too....except well...they'll do it in an Irish accent and call you 'love'. It's endearing really...but then under the veil of a beautiful countryside...with gorgeous trees and landscape, fairy rings and bright shiny shamrocks...it's a country governed by a corrupt system, a starving economy, a heavy conservative religious society, anti-abortion rights and very little protection for women outside of marriage (more on that later).
I don't think I wanted to see that. I certainly did not think I would ever write those words and affiliate them with Ireland. And please don't get me wrong...this trip has been amazing! The pictures truly don't do it justice...
However....
I am a writer...as you know this....and I write what I see, how I see it...and thank goodness for that right...
I'm glad I didn't come with expectations...well, I'm lying...I did come with some...but overall...I've met soo many amazing people..and some of the sites truly did take my breath away (and literally would have taken my breath...if I wasn't careful...hello Cliffs of Moher!).
It's like there's two of me. And two vacations. There's the part of me that wants to dance and flirt with the young boys...laugh and talk about the little things...tell funny stories and jokes....and then............there's the other part of me...that's having a deep, spiritual journey...and excavation of my soul....that's having these discussions late into the night about the past, future and present...the part of me that stares out the window into the garden wondering what my next step will be on my journey in Life...
I went up to my room yesterday and found this little butterfly on my book (The Good Fairies of New York..coincidence?). It looked so sad...its wings were listless and it wasn't flying about much so I made several attempts to cup it into my hands so I could set it outside. It took a few tries but I was successful. When I was out back in the garden, I opened my palms out and gently set it down onto the grass. It flexed its beautiful wings and flew up into the air...right up on the tree and I watched it go....with a smile on my face...
And that's how I started my day....
Fairplay, eh? :0)
Cheers.... <3
I don't think I wanted to see that. I certainly did not think I would ever write those words and affiliate them with Ireland. And please don't get me wrong...this trip has been amazing! The pictures truly don't do it justice...
However....
I am a writer...as you know this....and I write what I see, how I see it...and thank goodness for that right...
I'm glad I didn't come with expectations...well, I'm lying...I did come with some...but overall...I've met soo many amazing people..and some of the sites truly did take my breath away (and literally would have taken my breath...if I wasn't careful...hello Cliffs of Moher!).
It's like there's two of me. And two vacations. There's the part of me that wants to dance and flirt with the young boys...laugh and talk about the little things...tell funny stories and jokes....and then............there's the other part of me...that's having a deep, spiritual journey...and excavation of my soul....that's having these discussions late into the night about the past, future and present...the part of me that stares out the window into the garden wondering what my next step will be on my journey in Life...
I went up to my room yesterday and found this little butterfly on my book (The Good Fairies of New York..coincidence?). It looked so sad...its wings were listless and it wasn't flying about much so I made several attempts to cup it into my hands so I could set it outside. It took a few tries but I was successful. When I was out back in the garden, I opened my palms out and gently set it down onto the grass. It flexed its beautiful wings and flew up into the air...right up on the tree and I watched it go....with a smile on my face...
And that's how I started my day....
Fairplay, eh? :0)
Cheers.... <3
Monday, March 9, 2009
Lost In Translation
Oh, my...what an eventful day...
Men are strange...not in a bad way...but yes, they're strange over here...
Went on a little walk mid-morning and ended up on a pathway leading to who knows where. On the path was an elderly man carrying a bunch of shopping bags in both hands. We said hellos to each other and he said something about how I was wearing black but the splashes of pink was quite fetching...so we exchanged the where are you froms and what's your names to the fact that he was an esoteric astrologer and next thing you know...I'm following him back to his house for a cup of tea. Our discussion led to not only western astrology, but chinese astrology and of course, spirituality and how he and his lovely partner Imogen came to be at Findhorn. It turns out they hold a full moon meditation celebration at their house and would I like to attend? :0) Considering it would be my last night at Findhorn, it felt so completely right...and what did you say? There will be music and poetry as well? Wow...it's like I'm home.......
and then it was time for me to catch my bus to Cluny...and while waiting for my bus I catch a glimpse of Elliott sitting w/ someone having a smoke...so I go sit with him for a bit and tell him how I met Errol, the esoteric astrologer...and he said he knows...then he invites me to dinner and all I could do is just look at him and say yes...
On my way to Cluny to meet up with Keith for tea. Saw Stan sitting on the bench having lunch. After two years and only knowing me for a week or so, he remembered me (and I, of course, remembered him...he's featured in my Scotland story called The Dance) and we had a lovely conversation overlooking the rich green fields that seemed to glow under the sunlight...he found Keith for me and we sat in the sitting room overlooking the flower beds. After some time, we went for a walk behind Cluny Hill College and he told me some amazing stories about a Fairie procession he witnessed. !!! We then went past the cemetary onto a little path that led to a small lake. There were ducks, swans, fairy bridges, oak trees, neon green moss, a light drizzle amidst the sunlight and a kissing gate. We spoke openly about our families and our own difficult spiritual journeys...and I realized how special my English Vegan friend is...and how extremely grateful I was to have him in my life.
We walked back and had more tea and then in a blink of an eye...it was time for me to catch my bus back to The Park. It certainly didn't seem like 4 hours had passed but that's how time works here in the magical Vortex of Findhorn.
I got back just in time to get ready and meet Elliot for dinner (What? Me pass up free food? Never!)
What I love most about being here is the amount of energy and love and awareness that is put in everything...to making the food, to cleaning a table, to planting or weeding the vegetable garden...there is so much love..it really makes it very difficult to leave...but then I realize that it's not my time to stay yet...so...
Dinner was brown rice and yellow curry w/ cabbage salad..it was quite good! Much better than that horrible food attempting to pass for a Thai dish in Ireland. Beware my friends! Irish food isn't soo good...at least not in Galway...not what I'm used to...although the food at Food 4 Thought is awesome...their Vegan Sheperd's pie is amazing! :0)
My time with Elliott was enjoyable, amusing and much too short. I don't know how we got sectioned off to a table...away from everyone else...but that's how it ended up...and we talked of little things...funny stories and about my stay here......and then it was time...he had a meeting to attend and I was still eating my dinner...so we hugged and he whispered in my ear, "Next time you're here, make sure you stay longer and I'm single..."
I was taken aback and I just smiled...shook my head and walked up to another table to sit down...trying not to think about what he just said to me too much...
Then, I head back to the Ecohouse and it's the nightly ritual of checking my email and facebook. My friend Filippo (whom I call the 1st Italian) is online and since I don't speak much Italian w/ the exception of Ciao Bello, Andeamo, Gratzi and some curse words involving assholes.... and he doesn't speak much English..... we speak in Spanish...and my oh my...I'm learning new things every day.....
the final chapter of this blog is how translations get misconstrued and when I was chatting with him via IM, I sent a <3 (which is typical Athena, right?) but he didn't know what that meant so he inquired about it. So, I literally said to him in Espanol: corazon, heart...which he replied with: Wow! Para mi? Which caused me to panic! Oh, great! Here's this lovely Italian boy in Ireland who now thinks I'm professing my undying love to him...that's just great, right?! Uhhh...nnnnnooooooooo!
So then, I write in English (which, of course, he did not understand at all!) that it was meant as a symbol, not that I was giving my heart to him which would be a very difficult thing to do unless you're a really good cook. He asked me to translate in Spanish..and I was like: How the fuck do you relay that in Spanish...simplistically? My solution?
<3 = xoxo y mucho amor y besos..comprende, si?
That did the trick....I wasn't being married off to some young hot Italian guy I randomly met in Galway...whew!
It's funny how that one little symbol could be completely misconstrued because of a language barrier! Oh...the things I'm learning each and every day on this trip...!! :0)
So, how do you say in Italian: you're cute...wanna snuggle?
;0)
hahahahahahahahaha
<3<3<3
Men are strange...not in a bad way...but yes, they're strange over here...
Went on a little walk mid-morning and ended up on a pathway leading to who knows where. On the path was an elderly man carrying a bunch of shopping bags in both hands. We said hellos to each other and he said something about how I was wearing black but the splashes of pink was quite fetching...so we exchanged the where are you froms and what's your names to the fact that he was an esoteric astrologer and next thing you know...I'm following him back to his house for a cup of tea. Our discussion led to not only western astrology, but chinese astrology and of course, spirituality and how he and his lovely partner Imogen came to be at Findhorn. It turns out they hold a full moon meditation celebration at their house and would I like to attend? :0) Considering it would be my last night at Findhorn, it felt so completely right...and what did you say? There will be music and poetry as well? Wow...it's like I'm home.......
and then it was time for me to catch my bus to Cluny...and while waiting for my bus I catch a glimpse of Elliott sitting w/ someone having a smoke...so I go sit with him for a bit and tell him how I met Errol, the esoteric astrologer...and he said he knows...then he invites me to dinner and all I could do is just look at him and say yes...
On my way to Cluny to meet up with Keith for tea. Saw Stan sitting on the bench having lunch. After two years and only knowing me for a week or so, he remembered me (and I, of course, remembered him...he's featured in my Scotland story called The Dance) and we had a lovely conversation overlooking the rich green fields that seemed to glow under the sunlight...he found Keith for me and we sat in the sitting room overlooking the flower beds. After some time, we went for a walk behind Cluny Hill College and he told me some amazing stories about a Fairie procession he witnessed. !!! We then went past the cemetary onto a little path that led to a small lake. There were ducks, swans, fairy bridges, oak trees, neon green moss, a light drizzle amidst the sunlight and a kissing gate. We spoke openly about our families and our own difficult spiritual journeys...and I realized how special my English Vegan friend is...and how extremely grateful I was to have him in my life.
We walked back and had more tea and then in a blink of an eye...it was time for me to catch my bus back to The Park. It certainly didn't seem like 4 hours had passed but that's how time works here in the magical Vortex of Findhorn.
I got back just in time to get ready and meet Elliot for dinner (What? Me pass up free food? Never!)
What I love most about being here is the amount of energy and love and awareness that is put in everything...to making the food, to cleaning a table, to planting or weeding the vegetable garden...there is so much love..it really makes it very difficult to leave...but then I realize that it's not my time to stay yet...so...
Dinner was brown rice and yellow curry w/ cabbage salad..it was quite good! Much better than that horrible food attempting to pass for a Thai dish in Ireland. Beware my friends! Irish food isn't soo good...at least not in Galway...not what I'm used to...although the food at Food 4 Thought is awesome...their Vegan Sheperd's pie is amazing! :0)
My time with Elliott was enjoyable, amusing and much too short. I don't know how we got sectioned off to a table...away from everyone else...but that's how it ended up...and we talked of little things...funny stories and about my stay here......and then it was time...he had a meeting to attend and I was still eating my dinner...so we hugged and he whispered in my ear, "Next time you're here, make sure you stay longer and I'm single..."
I was taken aback and I just smiled...shook my head and walked up to another table to sit down...trying not to think about what he just said to me too much...
Then, I head back to the Ecohouse and it's the nightly ritual of checking my email and facebook. My friend Filippo (whom I call the 1st Italian) is online and since I don't speak much Italian w/ the exception of Ciao Bello, Andeamo, Gratzi and some curse words involving assholes.... and he doesn't speak much English..... we speak in Spanish...and my oh my...I'm learning new things every day.....
the final chapter of this blog is how translations get misconstrued and when I was chatting with him via IM, I sent a <3 (which is typical Athena, right?) but he didn't know what that meant so he inquired about it. So, I literally said to him in Espanol: corazon, heart...which he replied with: Wow! Para mi? Which caused me to panic! Oh, great! Here's this lovely Italian boy in Ireland who now thinks I'm professing my undying love to him...that's just great, right?! Uhhh...nnnnnooooooooo!
So then, I write in English (which, of course, he did not understand at all!) that it was meant as a symbol, not that I was giving my heart to him which would be a very difficult thing to do unless you're a really good cook. He asked me to translate in Spanish..and I was like: How the fuck do you relay that in Spanish...simplistically? My solution?
<3 = xoxo y mucho amor y besos..comprende, si?
That did the trick....I wasn't being married off to some young hot Italian guy I randomly met in Galway...whew!
It's funny how that one little symbol could be completely misconstrued because of a language barrier! Oh...the things I'm learning each and every day on this trip...!! :0)
So, how do you say in Italian: you're cute...wanna snuggle?
;0)
hahahahahahahahaha
<3<3<3
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