Flashback
Journal entry dated 12-22-07
'Tell me another story,' the voice says...
I'm quite protective of some of the stories I've heard. Especially the ones that aren't really mine to tell. And yet, they affect me peripherally....whispering to me thoughts I often question and wonder whom they belong to.
I had dinner with Pat the other night. He's different now...
but so am I. I've become more open with him emotionally.
When we said our good-byes outside, he asked if I wanted my food. As if to prolong the farewell. I watched him under the blanket of stars and the glow of the street lamps...his hands plunged deep into his pockets, those shoulders hunched over slightly due to the cold and he waited with patience for my response.
I loved him for that.
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The night is unforgiving.
Hollow and jagged ripples contort
the darkness and its breath.
I succumb to her desire
for anonymity
and regret.
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Journal Entry dated 09-19-07
The moon resembled an amber colored lemon slice. I thought of Nash and began to compose a letter in my head...
On my walk with Ally (we were headed to the beach), we stopped by your house to see if you were in. The front door was ajar and it had been a warm day with the early evening hanging on the coattails of the sunshine's heated resonance. If sunshine were to have sound, what could capture it's essence best? I, of course, think of food. The shutting of an oven or refrigerator. The cutting of an apple pie slice. Window panes and squares of sunlight on hardwood floors...my socks slipping as I pretend to ice skate...
The bird greeted us repeatedly from the backyard and you were asleep. The rustling of your comforter intertwined itself with the cacophony of your backyard's symphony...and Abbey was perched like a guardian at your window. Her head gravitating to my hand as I reached through to leave you the penguin postcard...her gesture a loving reminder of how much all beings desire love, affection and acknowledgement of their presence.
You are here... and always loved...
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Journal Entry dated 09-01-07
Took a random exit on our way North in search of Fairy Rings. Amie lead the way as I followed behind with Ally bringing up the rear. Something happened. An epiphany and a tingling sensation of a realization rose up: this so-called adventure would surely change us...significanty...more than we would EVER anticipate.
The descent down felt surreal. The warm air, the dark patches underneath each step and the twilight of the star-filled sky felt like a freshly painted canvas. The ocean waves sang a song of hope...the incoming tide coming to tackle each new obstacle, the outgoing tide drawing back the fear and anxiety we all hold in but never talk about, never giving it room to grow...
Tiny dancing lights unseen to the naked eye (except for the Faerie-touched) were flitting in and out on the sandy shore. The lighthouse on both sides greeted us and reminded me of more visits and stories that have yet to be told.
As I turned around to head back to the car, ascending towards the top was an entirely different journey. It was harder. It reminded me of a hike I did alongside three male companions. We hiked uphill and all I could think about was giving up.
There was this little voice that said, "It's okay. You don't have to go any further. Just stay here and wait for the others to come back for you."
That triggered me to keep going...no matter what...no matter how hard it got.
And as the three of us reached the top safely without falling into the Nile or being abducted by the Aliens of the Sea...
I smiled outwardly as well as inwardly..knowing that
this is exactly where we need to be.
