Wednesday, July 9, 2008

Myriad: A Letter

I've been thinking of the garden and the serenity I always feel when my heart returns there. I was filling out an application to volunteer at Odiyan (http://www.odiyan.org/), a buddhist monastery they are building in Northern California and my thoughts strayed to you, Steve and everyone I met in my short time in Scotland.

These past few weeks have been a blur. The past year a whirlwind of space and time. And I swear not a day has gone by without me having some thought revolving around my time there. I do miss it terribly but it is now a low, drumming ache as opposed to the large, gaping flesh wound type of pain I felt shortly after I returned 'home' to California.

Some fairies, indeed, followed me back. Although they've never said anything, I can hear the silent questions of when I shall return. I want it to be this year as I stated in my last short email to you...and I keep trying to find the 'perfect' workshop to do or the 'perfect' time of year...and I flip through the brochure wanting to do it all..and then getting overwhelmed at making the arrangements. That's when it starts to feel contrived.

In the midst of the parties in the forest, greeting sunrises to the beat of the music that's playing, the new friends of old traditions, rushes of deja vu...there's this longing for a connection. A deep, spiritual connection. It's maddening at times because it's like a hunger that has yet to be satiated and no amount of food relinquishes it.

I know I am being pulled. To go inward. To the dark places within. To face all the things that I buried deep. And even now, as I write this, I do not have the understanding of why I feel inclined to share this all with you. Perhaps, in my deep subconscious, I know that there's a part of you that understands.

In the quiet underlay of my Vortex, I await the comfort that I know is inevitable...we exist to learn, love, laugh...connecting through all spheres of creative expression...

With infinite adoration and light...
-A