An Indigo Sky

This particular piece is more of an abstract birthday gift. It vacillates between the before and the now, memory and dream. It is one night captured..... with parts of the past interwoven here and there...just hinting of unspoken thoughts........and an unresolved exchange...

Just before Halloween 2010
The party was on a small etch of land one can call 'Paradise'. It boasts its own lake, groves and hillsides, acres of grass, sentinels of sporadic palm trees, huge rock formations, a hidden creek and various places perfect for sky watching and cuddling...and dancing, of course.

While getting ready, I made a silent wish to see the tail end of the meteor shower that had begun the evening before.

The night held many promises and as I entered the dance floor, I was greeted with friends...old and new. Hugs, conversations, pictures and laughter were given and received. I reveled in it all.

Outstretching my arms, I opened up to the night and let it in. I breathed it in with sincerity and grace...and received something in return. A gift that was priceless. It was medicine. Strong and very different medicine.

I'll try to explain. Some things can only be experienced or felt.

There was just something about the night. There were little things. An inkling here and there of different tribal medicines. An entirely new definition of Tribe....

The combination of moments like doing a funny dance w/ Sam pretending to drive and hitting the nitrous button, having my friends help me with my 'chainmail' top on the dance floor, laughing, hugging and smacking each other's asses, watching magic happen in the form of beautiful girls dancing, twisting gracefully from two strips of material hanging from a tree or seeing fire flecks float up into the air as faces glow with its amber colored light, seeing people of all ages, all walks of life, ethnic backgrounds, occupations, etc. unite and collaborate together under one continuous sky.

And then there were moments only meant for two people to share...

There was one thing I wanted to do that night (besides dance under a blanket of stars) and it was to admire and indulge in its brilliance...with the hopes of catching a few shooting stars...

I had expressed that desire to both *R and his best friend, *L and both were open to it but it ended up just me and *R on 'our rock' as it has been sometimes called. As we lay staring up at the vastness of a sky filled with sparkling, suspended tears, we did what we only knew how to do best when together: laugh, tease, joke, share, cuddle and connect.

We talked of how we met, our fears, what I observed...he told bad jokes and it was just....perfect. It was exactly what was needed for me that night.

Some boundaries and walls dissipated. Some stayed but disintegrated a little.

I'm not sure what it was that called us together.

All I know is...this 'Paradise', this land...

It has called us, this piece of our past, again and again...and we go...perhaps in hopes of reuniting with that 'something' we both felt..... all those years ago but it can never be repeated nor duplicated... and we return...perhaps...full of hope... that we can catch a glimpse of that magic we summoned together.... on top of that water tower...oblivious to everything but our whispered voices and the changing colors of a brilliant sky....

As the night stretched towards dawn, the temperatures dropped so we walked towards his car with the notion of retrieving his jacket. The path was lit by solar lamps that emitted little silvery blue lights. The ground was uneven and full of holes so I held his hand for support. As he opened the car door, I was filled with a feeling like something far coming up really close, giving me a detailed view, then slowly fading away.

I realized the true nature of what was unfolding. I was able to see behind the curtain.

Even in this magical place...all things must come to.....an......e.....n......d......

I said to him in a trance-like whisper, "I think this will be the last time we'll meet here...like this. You, me, *L. I got this weird feeling just now..."

He responded with, "Don't say that. You're scaring me."

"I'm sorry. I don't mean to. It's just that I got this kind of download just now. *L moving. Where you and I are in our lives. It's like a premonition of things to come..."

"I know, but don't say things like that."

"Sorry. It's just part of the inevitable."

He changed the subject by suggesting we go to my car and retrieve my sleeping bag. The feeling never left me and even now it fills me with a twinge of sadness.

With the sleeping bag nestled in his arms, we head back towards the lights and music. We searched for his friends but to no avail so we went back up on the Rock and continued our sky gazing.

The dark violet color stretched above us in an endless painted-like canvas. The planets and stars greeted us by winking and twinkling flirtatiously. Some shot out in vertical flashes. Some curved joyously then disappeared. Every time I saw one, I cried out excitedly. *R laughed and told more bad jokes at my request. On this night and all those other nights in-between, we fit perfectly in each other's arms...with no worries of what tomorrow would bring.

As the night transitioned to early morning, more stories were exchanged, and our connection deepened a bit but the dropping temperatures influenced our decision to leave the comforting surface of the Rock. That and his unending appetite.

We said our farewells to the Rock then headed down towards the small cluster of people standing near the Wizard and his kitchen tools/wand... and watched as he magically whipped up warm sandwiches to the hungry and still awake patrons.

Warmth became our combined desire and off we went again, retracing our steps back to his car. More stories were shared. More laughter ensued... becoming part of our radiating blanket..and sleep did not come easily for me. Whether it be: Mountain, forest, beach. I don't need stimulants. I don't need them. What's held in Nature helps to sustain me. That and my fairy blood...

He, of course, falls asleep almost instantly. Only to be woken up, intermittently throughout the late night, by my giggling at something or another. Usually it was him.

I finally fall asleep for an hour and wake to the sun with its powerful rays filling the car with more heat.

And then, it was time.

He offered to drive me to where my car was parked so I didn't have to walk through the mine field of holes and divots. I accepted his offer with a sleep deprived nod.

"End of the line," he said with blood shot eyes and hangover in his voice.

"Thanks," I replied and reached over to give him a hug. Then, I gathered my blanket and jacket, opened the car door, stepped out slowly and shut it behind me.

And that was it. No promise to see each other soon. No heartfelt good-bye. The night was like an unwritten contract of no obligations, no spoken arrangements...just this unsaid understanding between us that never saw the surface of speech or exchange.

I wonder sometimes if my premonition was authentic or was it just a feeling heavily influenced by old hurts.  The question remains: Will we return?

I honestly don't know.

All I know is...

That place...... those memories...will always remind me to.......
                                      celebrate Life and
                                          each other,
                                  to break down walls,
                                        to receive,
                               to be up for an adventure...
                                        a journey...
                                   one filled with hope,
                                        laughter
                                  and magical nights
                             dancing under an indigo sky
                                   filled with shooting stars...
                                    a passing encounter
                                          full of
                                     muse and reverie.......


*names have not been shared to insure anonymity