The Dance

*This is one of a few stories revolving around my travels in Scotland. It will be featured in the next Volume of my indie zine: Shed Your Skin. Keep you posted...*

Stan reminds me of a gnome. His hair is snow white and if only he wore a pointy red hat...he would be a walking, taller version of that mythical being I've read many stories about.

We all enter the ballroom with some anticipation. This exercise, The Sacred Dance, would be our first event we would be participating in for Experience Week.

Stan gives us the origin and summary of the Sacred Dance. With each new dance part, he explains the story behind it. With each new dance, I'm laughing hysterically. Needless to say, I'm having a difficult time dancing per instructed but I'm enjoying myself nonetheless (I was never really good at dancing in time like waltzes and such. I'm much more comfortable doing free-form dance).

Towards the end, he plays this sweet melody (Canon in D by Pachelbel) and we form a circle. Each of us puts our right hand on the right shoulder of the person in front of us. We are then instructed to take 3 steps forward and one step back.

I smile and think about the symbolism behind this particular dance. As I concentrate on trying to move in sync with the music, I notice Franco dancing with his eyes closed. I mimic him just to see how it feels and I'm in awe of the warmth I sense. I'm comforted and I feel like I'm floating and flying at the same time. I notice Steve has his eyes closed and John does as well. In fact, I'm sure Stan and Zach have their eyes closed, too.

My smile stays and goes inward. It helps me to remember words that were whispered to me at a young age. I remember fear and doubt. To not trust men. I remember feeling used and only looked upon with lust. And I remember darkness and feeling chilled to the bone..........
and only wanting to be soothed, comforted and loved....to feel safe...to feel warmth............to have this emptiness be filled with joy...

And I'm blurry eyed, looking for the box of tissues. The ballroom is almost empty with Breeze talking to Stan and Zach collecting his things. I gravitate towards the huge window that overlooks the area near the woods and I allow the tears to fall. There is no fight left.

The chatter inside that hardly relents is moving like a tornado. My need for a hug is quite great and Zach intuitively senses what I silently asked for. His arms and love are a welcome, comforting gift to a little girl so used to keeping people at bay.

Zach leaves to join the others for lunch and Breeze looks, questioning my face. I reassure her with a nod and tell her that I wanted to talk to Stan. She nods in response and leaves as well.

I say to Stan, "Can you please play that last piece of music for me...one more time?"

He stares at me intently for a good minute and simply bows, switches on the stereo, then leaves the ballroom.

When the music fills the room again, I allow everything else to slip away. My arms, hands and entire body move with the music alongside my emotions. It tells its own story of love and loss, sorrow and joy, confusion and understanding. And as I move with the intent to release, my spirit and heart applaud the performance...always remembering that sometimes there's just a need...................................
to dance for no one else..................................
..............................to dance just for me.................................