At first glance I see him with his curly brown hair and electric blue eyes staring back at me. Then, the image changes and I see my own face with my brown/black eyes harboring the questions I've been avoiding the answers to....
He was a great mirror. I got to see more of my wounded self and heal those parts. I got to feel those rare emotions...dance with them for a bit...and he certainly helped my creative energy...becoming another influence to look inward...and I begrudgingly pointed the finger at the reflection in the mirror as opposed to pointing it at others...a typical defense mechanism most choose...
Now, I reflect back and cherish some moments that I shall hold inside............
more painted polaroids to add to the collection....
I sneak a peek and he's sitting up against the window, playing my guitar with his eyes closed...the tune channeled from the stillness of his heart and I hold my breath.....
scared that the song will end too soon..............
I hope....one day...I'll hear that song in its entirety...
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He's asleep and I lean over ever so quietly...so quietly he doesn't hear..and I kiss his sun-kissed shoulder, nibbling it like a sandwich and that generates a huge, infectious smile...filling my insides with warmth and a tingling sensation...
Towards the end, it was my wounded ego and hurt pride that steered the wheel and called the shots. In defense of these two voices, they help in matters where I am in need of strength and armor...but sometimes, they cause a 'flight or fight' action that may not be conducive in truly confronting your fears and dealing with emotions in a healthy, positive way...
What I learned from this experience is the merit in patience. Allowing things to evolve organically instead of trying to control every little thing...that being 'quick to judge' and 'jumping the gun' are just manifestations of fear. For next time, if I'm not coming from a place of love then I should wait and meditate until I'm more centered.
Now, I know it's too late...I want to talk to him and tell him I miss him. That I still care and I was just hurt that he chose to just walk away instead of communicating with me....
but then I remember things...............
........ like how alone I felt even when he was laying next to me....................
and I have come to accept that everything happened the way it was supposed to happen because we really weren't right for each other romantically and as I write this...I'm experiencing a feeling of confirmation.
It's so obvious now but when you desire something so much...it's so easy to glaze everything over..........you know......
over look things and ignore the warning signs...
As one door closes, another one opens...........
.....and I love the mystery of the impending adventure.
I can't wait to ride on the coattails of the wind..........
to gather more stories.......... like bunches of wild flowers....
......passing them along to friends and strangers alike........................
.........catching a whiff of a perfumed-scented past
.............like a scintillating present....................
..........sharing the sorrows and joys of life..........
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