I recently had a very disturbing dream consisting of me consuming meat (ham, in fact) and then regurgitating it in the bathroom sink. The next thing I remember is traveling with an unknown Asian man to speak with a psychic/seer (also Asian). She appeared to be around her late 30's early 40's but I sensed she was centuries old. She went into a trance and began to describe my companion's death. In great detail. His demise was far from pretty. She described his eye being punctured with a sharp metal object. The poor man did not take it well. His shoulders slumped and his face began to withdraw with fear. It was hard for me to watch and I sympathized with him. So, I took action. I grabbed the woman by her shoulders and shook her rather violently. I yelled and screamed at her through her trance asking her why she was doing this. Her face was somewhat slack and she had a slight smirk. When she finally came to and registered who I was, her face went white and she appeared dead. It was the most disturbing thing I've ever seen (Spiritworld-wise) and I awoke completely distraught, confused and slightly terrified.
The remnants of the dream stayed with me throughout the next morning and midday. I was on the phone with several people trying to calm myself because my emotions were overflowing and the isolation I felt (because everyone I spoke with tried to console me but were at a loss for words..understandably so). I forced myself to go to Aikido and after class I spoke with my teacher about my dream. He shared that the dream indicated an opportunity to look deep within myself...that it could be my subconscious communicating a suppression of something. He encouraged me to ask questions and to embrace my 'dark side'.
I have found that some of my greatest adversaries in the 'Waking World' and the 'SpiritWorld' have been the source of extraordinary knowledge and growth. Albeit with many challenges and obstacles. :0)
And we come full circle...to, yet again, a symmetrical stance and I know I'm full of even more questions...but at least I feel less crazy and don't think I need to be committed (to an asylum)....
Sometimes I think my biggest fear is not being able to face myself. To accept myself fully. Ahh, well.....garder la promenade.
Bon Chance, mon cher.
Sur ce chemin, je marche seul.
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