Not Forever

It's at Night
or
Early Morning
when it's
the most difficult.

Remembering...

Warm bodies 
snuggled up 
next to one another, 
warm breath 
on the back of your neck, 
hands sliding 
ever so 
gently up and down 
the waking up part 
isn't such a chore 
but an almost 
welcome activity.
Soft lips 
kissing you 
ever so slightly.
Stifled giggles 
escaping from 
underneath your tongue.
Sleep and Dream.  
Dream and one Eye open.  
One Eye Open and one Eye Shut.  
Silently wishing it was a Dream.  
Then, feather like touches 
tickle your belly 
and solicits a smile.  
Your wish 
for it to be a Dream 
diminishes 
and 
Gratitude 
flows forth 
just for BEing awake.

It's times like these 
you don't think 
'not forever' 
but recall snapshots 
of days together.  

'Forever' 
is tattooed 
with every kiss, 
each caress, 
all the moments 
you looked 
into each other's Eyes.

Love is the drug
you say
you'll never
get addicted to
but then
the bed is so empty
with only you in it,
the nights seem colder
even with piles of blankets on top
and the heater at full blast,
and each day without a phone call,
message,
text
accumulates to
imaginative,
Godly
proportions
you're found
hovering in the kitchen corner
attempting to hide your shakes
but the knife
you're using to
chop up vegetables
gives you away.

Let's Face It.

You're.
Addicted.
To.
Love.

Shit.
Fuck.
No Way.

Denial.

Suddenly,
there's a knock
at the door.
It's tentative.
You've collided
into the chair
and you're now
frozen
in your
ninja like stance
that is
currently
the only thing
that's keeping you
from
f
a
l
l
i
n
g.

You hesitate.  

You silently
and secretly
hope
it's...
...you know...

You wait.
With that
wavered response
you anticipate
a second knock
but there
is only
Silence.
Your hand is on the door knob.
You squeeze and turn.
Pulling towards you now.....
and Peek!

No one.

You think
for a second
that maybe
somehow
a Harry Potter
invisibility cape
has been discovered!

Then,
you see it.

A box.
It's a fuckin' Box.
On the ground.
Waiting and looking lonesome.
Forlorn even.

An exaggerated sigh
escapes your lips.
The disappointment
is unmasked
in your slumped shoulders.

The package,
now cuddled
like a football,
finds a place
inside
as you close
the door
to the world,
still hoping
for something
that will
never
be
there.
Not today.

Regret sinks in.

Conversations replayed
and repeated
but different responses
and comebacks are said.
You even imagine
a background laugh track
because
you're
so
much
wittier
and
wiser
now,
in retrospect.

The haves,
have nots,
shoulds and
I wonts
continually repeat
inside your head
they become
your daily mantras.

You want to
pick up the phone
and call
but what to say
never comes
so the hand stays
in mid air,
then falls to your side
absentmindedly.

Blank pages
filled with
emotions and feelings
never expressed.

Black ashes
found in the sink,
remnants of
tear blotched letters
burned
and never sent.

The heart,
once filled
with an over flow
of love,
feels like
a barren wasteland.

And tomorrow...
.....seems like
it's so far away.........

 *This piece was inspired by what happens after a break up. Those feelings, those thoughts, the memories, etc. But, now that I think about it, this piece could also somewhat describe when you really miss someone. However, it really does hit home for the heartache and loss of having to say good-bye to someone you still love dearly...and I attempted to capture that experience here. ~A