Caring for Karin

Sometimes, if you say 'caring' especially if you're like me and talk really fast like a chipmunk OR
if you have an accent, the word can sound like you just said, "Karin".

So, Karin...this is For You.

I've watched my friend, Karin, now for a few days mope about her house in her ex-boyfriend's sweatshirt trying to hold it all together.  I've seen her frown and scowl more often then I'd like to admit and for the first time in...well, ever... she kind of snapped at me and at first, I was a little hurt but then I also realized how much she was hiding her pain.

A few days ago, her heart was broken by someone whom shall remain nameless.  What truly matters as of now is Karin.  And right now she is struggling and it's heart wrenching to see.  I feel a bit helpless so I pondered on what I could do.  So, as I'm curled up in her favorite fuzzy purple blanket on her couch that swallows you up, I'm thinking of all the different ways she has helped me.  I'm remembering all the amazing things she has taught me.  I also wanted to dedicate this writing piece to her so that whenever she needed a reminder, she can refer back to this at anytime and turn that frown upside down.  :0)

I'm quiet sometimes. I also listen to not just words but the words that are not spoken.  I observe.  And what I've noticed with Karin is her strength.  She is strong.  She is strong for her family, especially for her son, Trent.  She is strong for her Sisters.  She is strong for anyone and everyone.  She is even strong for her ex-husband and now ex-boyfriend.  The very same individuals who have caused so much pain and grief but because Karin is well, Karin...she is now the more stronger for it.  She is so strong, even for HerSelf, that crying and releasing has been difficult.

So, Karin, my sweet Sistar...let the tears flow and allow yourself to grieve.  You don't have to be strong all the time.  We are stronger because of You, let us return the favor...

Here's something else you may have already suspected.  Karin has one of the biggest hearts on the planet.  It's GIGANTIC.  From her love and devotion to her family and friends, to the care and nurturing of the environment/Mother Earth, to the various causes especially the ones directly involving children, to her ginormous love and passion towards children in and of itself, to her love of Truth and the discovery of Self...she amazes me in ways that have expanded my consciousness and my own heart.  The deep love and gratitude she has shown and given to countless others is reflected by my own desire to show up fully and meet her as well.

Thank you, Karin.  Thank you for showing up even though you sometimes want to crawl into bed and curl up with your favorite fuzzy blanket that I may steal from you one day.  Thank you even if you do stay in bed.  Thank you for showing me that I can have gravy without mushrooms because that is a miracle in itself.  Thank you for trying food prepared by me with the knowledge that it has nutritional yeast and I know you don't care for it but because of who you are, you'll eat the food anyway.  Thank you for listening and being there for others even though your heart is broken.  Thank you for making so many children and babies feel loved AND thank you for making them laugh.  Thank you for allowing yourself the experience of loving again even though you were probably terrified at first.  Thank you for forgiving those that have caused you pain, stress and heartache.  Thank you for being HERE not only for Trent, not only for your family, not only for US but also because it just wouldn't be the same without you.

To the Yummy Dessert that You Are, Karin.  To the Beautiful Goddess that reflects back at you in the mirror, Karin.  To the Beloved Daughter, Sister & Mother that You continue to Be, Karin.  To the Shining Star that will forever Be You, Karin.

We Love You.
You Are Amazing and Loved Everywhere.
(And just in case you forget, your Iphone will remind You.)

In Loving Gratitude,
Athena

Not Forever

It's at Night
or
Early Morning
when it's
the most difficult.

Remembering...

Warm bodies 
snuggled up 
next to one another, 
warm breath 
on the back of your neck, 
hands sliding 
ever so 
gently up and down 
the waking up part 
isn't such a chore 
but an almost 
welcome activity.
Soft lips 
kissing you 
ever so slightly.
Stifled giggles 
escaping from 
underneath your tongue.
Sleep and Dream.  
Dream and one Eye open.  
One Eye Open and one Eye Shut.  
Silently wishing it was a Dream.  
Then, feather like touches 
tickle your belly 
and solicits a smile.  
Your wish 
for it to be a Dream 
diminishes 
and 
Gratitude 
flows forth 
just for BEing awake.

It's times like these 
you don't think 
'not forever' 
but recall snapshots 
of days together.  

'Forever' 
is tattooed 
with every kiss, 
each caress, 
all the moments 
you looked 
into each other's Eyes.

Love is the drug
you say
you'll never
get addicted to
but then
the bed is so empty
with only you in it,
the nights seem colder
even with piles of blankets on top
and the heater at full blast,
and each day without a phone call,
message,
text
accumulates to
imaginative,
Godly
proportions
you're found
hovering in the kitchen corner
attempting to hide your shakes
but the knife
you're using to
chop up vegetables
gives you away.

Let's Face It.

You're.
Addicted.
To.
Love.

Shit.
Fuck.
No Way.

Denial.

Suddenly,
there's a knock
at the door.
It's tentative.
You've collided
into the chair
and you're now
frozen
in your
ninja like stance
that is
currently
the only thing
that's keeping you
from
f
a
l
l
i
n
g.

You hesitate.  

You silently
and secretly
hope
it's...
...you know...

You wait.
With that
wavered response
you anticipate
a second knock
but there
is only
Silence.
Your hand is on the door knob.
You squeeze and turn.
Pulling towards you now.....
and Peek!

No one.

You think
for a second
that maybe
somehow
a Harry Potter
invisibility cape
has been discovered!

Then,
you see it.

A box.
It's a fuckin' Box.
On the ground.
Waiting and looking lonesome.
Forlorn even.

An exaggerated sigh
escapes your lips.
The disappointment
is unmasked
in your slumped shoulders.

The package,
now cuddled
like a football,
finds a place
inside
as you close
the door
to the world,
still hoping
for something
that will
never
be
there.
Not today.

Regret sinks in.

Conversations replayed
and repeated
but different responses
and comebacks are said.
You even imagine
a background laugh track
because
you're
so
much
wittier
and
wiser
now,
in retrospect.

The haves,
have nots,
shoulds and
I wonts
continually repeat
inside your head
they become
your daily mantras.

You want to
pick up the phone
and call
but what to say
never comes
so the hand stays
in mid air,
then falls to your side
absentmindedly.

Blank pages
filled with
emotions and feelings
never expressed.

Black ashes
found in the sink,
remnants of
tear blotched letters
burned
and never sent.

The heart,
once filled
with an over flow
of love,
feels like
a barren wasteland.

And tomorrow...
.....seems like
it's so far away.........

 *This piece was inspired by what happens after a break up. Those feelings, those thoughts, the memories, etc. But, now that I think about it, this piece could also somewhat describe when you really miss someone. However, it really does hit home for the heartache and loss of having to say good-bye to someone you still love dearly...and I attempted to capture that experience here. ~A