TranscenDANCE...

I've decided, once again, to cut out *John out of my life. Maybe it'll be a few years, maybe it'll be a few months. I honestly don't know. It's not like we spoke on a regular basis so it's good to get my focus back on track, letting go of situations, behaviors, people that aren't on the same level in reciprocation, mindfulness and proper communication exchange. 

I know for some, the act of doing this feels cumbersome but I think it's a form of clearing out. 

It is a form of mental and spiritual cleansing to finally let go, remove or eradicate relationships, ties or connections that are not serving one's highest good. 

My chatter revolving around *John was very painful, self-destructive, exhausting and I'm not sure that I was just blinded by 'love' and I was just unable to see this or maybe the masks are being unveiled and I'm finally seeing it ALL. The good AND the bad. 

Making amends has been a part of the healing component in receiving closure. My mistake from the far and near distant past was the notion that I needed to speak to the person that has been the source of conflict. Sometimes, it helps and in this previous case, it helped some but I still contemplate on whether it was necessary. Speaking with him openly and hearing what he had to say allowed me to truly see the reality of the situation. It was all an illusion based on some fantastic, romantic notion of a display of mutual respect and love. I repeat. It was ALL an illusion. It was a story I wrote, re-wrote, played out and looped continually in my head. In fact, I think this is another example of the repeat patterns of intimate relations that I'm now in the process of breaking. 

If I take a logical stance, reflect on the data, compare actions to words shared.  Expectations not met. Needs not met. And there I was, AGAIN, believing in the illusion of potential, getting aggravated with myself for not seeing it for what it was and breathing a sigh of relief and allowing the veils to be lifted so that I can see what's behind the curtain. 

Dorothy, sweetie, eat your fuckin' heart out. 

And, I know, I keep saying this but IT'S SO TRUE. I can place blame, point the finger and shout my obscenities or I can choose to see it as allegorical, metaphorical and like a multi-faceted crystal catching the sunlight or small jagged pieces of mirror from a huge disco ball and LAUGH. Because it's all part of the growth and wisdom to be able to see the different parts of ourselves reflected in those lover's eyes, the fights or arguments, the time spent reflecting and excavating. The inquiries and reminders of how to be a better person by making amends, basking in forgiveness and indulging in the surrender of Love and Acceptance. These yet to be earthed gems of wisdom lurking in the shadow corners of your mind and heart are just waiting for a pair of unclouded eyes to truly SEE what it is we are all meant to do...

Holy fuckin' shit. 

And when you look at it like that...all those situations from the glorious, cosmic, life-changing events to the crawl-on-the-floor-with-a-dirt-smeared-tear-stained-heart-heavy-face-where-you-question-whether-life-is-worth-living-experience...you realize, after the wallowing or the impermanence...it's a Gift...they're all gifts to strengthen, widen, open, engage, encompass, release, heal, teach, inspire, transcend us ALL TO LIVE without fear, without judgement, without anger or ridicule and The Key is to not suppress, undermine or ignore these feelings (for those mentioned above) nor is it wise to dwell and fester. Honor them. Embrace them. Do not resist them. Have faith and trust that it won't be forever that they'll stay, unless you want them to. 

I have found that in Nature lies the answer to all questions. From listening to the sounds of water flowing through rocks and dirt, to the sun peeking in from the tops of the trees, to bright green moss covering a wall of Stone People...if we take the time to listen, to sit in stillness and be One with Nature..all will be revealed, all questions will be heard, all doubts, judgements, fear...silenced. 

And Truth will come forth in its beautiful glory. Little reminders will be whispered: All is divinely guided. You are loved. All will be taken care of. All will be provided. Have Faith. Have Trust.

Choose!

Surrender. Meditate. Visualize. 

That is a brief summation on what came forth a few days ago after much contemplation. This clarity I share with you hoping it will help you on your own journey towards transcenDANCE.....

*name has been changed
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