Coming soon to Shed Your Skin Volume IV:
The 'Just Ask B' Advice Column
Disclaimer: You, the reader, absolves B of any responsibility. Which really translates to:
It is not his fault if the results of the outcome are unfavorable.
Please initial here: ____
Dear B:
I just met a really great guy but I can’t tell if he’s straight or gay. He wore lavender. How can I ask him without sounding rude? Please help! Thanks!
-Broken gaydar in CA
Dear Broken:
The quickest way to find out is to dangle the bait and see if he bites. And there’s no reason to give the final exam before the pop quiz. The pop quiz can be benign questions like ‘What’s your favorite karaoke song?’ If he says ‘Nirvana’, you’re good. If he says, ‘Madonna’, then you have a new shoe shopping buddy.
-Gone Fixin’ for love
B
Dear B:
Thanks for your response! Just like ‘Broken’, I’m in a similar situation. I followed your advice and now I’m stuck. When I asked ‘Bob’ that question, he said, “Journey.” What does that mean? Please help!
-Stopped believing in AZ
Dear Stopped:
You’re in luck! “Journey”=straight. Now start believing.
-Don’t stop believing…
B
Dear B:
I am soo glad for your column! Your insight is not only helpful but funny! I’m in a bit of a pickle myself. This situation seems to be a hot commodity right now because I am also unsure! When I met up with ‘Pat’ and asked him your pop quiz question, his response was: “Depends on my mood. Sometimes a little Tori Amos or Ani Difranco. Or maybe some G’N’R or George Michael. But there are times that Radiohead or The Beatles are in order.” I was speechless! I didn’t know how to respond. What should I do?
-Speechless in Seattle
Dear Speechless:
‘Pat’ sounds like he may be confused himself. What was he wearing? Were his nails painted black? Was he wearing skinny, hipster jeans? Did he have more jewelry than you? And did he call you babe, sunshine or some cute endearing nickname right away? Sounds like it was a well practiced, scripted answer to me! Or he could be the lead singer of a band. In that case…tell ‘Pat’ that he still owes me for that amp he set on fire from our last gig! Oh, and you should probably run.
-Still waiting for my money
B
2 comments:
this is some sage advice, so many questions answered... The only down side is it leads me to ask so many more questions. Please keep B's unfathomable wealth of knowledge coming to save those of us who flounder haplessly in the dark. It is a true candle of illumination into the human heart.
Isn't that the inevitable? Inquiry leads to...well, more inquiry? Ha! Ah, well. At least we have questions to keep us company... ;0)
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