It’s like this calling or longing...a great desire within me to travel the world in search of the missing pieces of myself. A Global Pilgrimage if you will. But, I’m not entirely sure I’m searching for the missing parts or if I’m just hoping to find my ‘Heart Home’ where Grace lives.
Sometimes I feel like many things are happening simultaneously. I feel this restlessness to wander, explore and travel while sitting in stillness enjoying the present moment.
A dichotomy that feels like an internal struggle where there is no victory, only more inquiry.
And sometimes, I feel as though I am a visitor in my own home.
There’s more. It’s like a craving or gnawing hunger that food cannot simply satiate. It is the Unseen thing flickering in your peripheral but gone when you turn to look at it head on.
It is Mystery incarnate. It is beyond words and linear understanding.
It is the ecstatic Love that was once tasted and then suddenly gone with no warning. The unspoken and unanswered question of wondering if it will ever show up again. The wanting of being Loved but holding All at arms length because that’s all you’ve known since and Fear has kept you company.
The unknowing of Who You Are at times and what you were meant to do on this Earthly plane of existence.
I know what I must do. I need to Integrate. Weave all my experiences, lessons, loss, love, tears, giggles...ALL of it into a Cosmic Blanket of Stars that turn into Wings when I need them so I can Soar and Flyyyyyyyyyy.... and when it has run its course, they turn into dirt and dust allowing me to feel the First Connection: Mother Earth. Where we ALL belong and come from.
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