Dear Billy,
Ten years have passed since that unfortunate event w/ the Avenue Boys outside your home on Warner St. There have been many days and nights I have thought about you...wondering how our lives would have been,
had you still lived...if we would have had silly arguments over the toilet seat being up....
.........or you showing up late for dinner...
Ten years ago, I was a completely different person. I didn't appreciate my life or the people in it. Not like I do now. Your demise changed that. It changed many things. My perception. My appreciation. My awareness. Even my lifestyle.
It's hard to not think about what happened. The brutality of it. The injustice of the whole thing. I still remember that day Dax had to call me in Washington while I was at work, to tell me what happened. I thought he was joking. Well, I was hoping it was..a joke I mean.
A few weeks ago, I was sitting on a slab of concrete at the beach with my friend Rusty. He had asked me what I was like 10 years ago. And I thought about who I was then...and who I am now. And for some reason, I felt compelled to write you a letter on this day...to commemorate not your demise....
but your existence and how it changed me exponentially.
And it took losing you..........
my world screeching to an instantaneous halt
while everything else around me continued
..........to come to that realization.
To reach this plateau of immense gratitude.
For our lives are fleeting...........in this state of impermanence....
So, mon ange.....
Ten years ago...you died and I was left behind.
Ten years later...you are still with me and I am not quite the same person you fell in love with.
Within me now resides a great strength and wisdom I have never known.
Compassion and love exude first before I resort to a clenched fist.
And I no longer walk with fear...
Because I know you're one of many loved ones that have passed on...
now residing in the clouds and skies above...
watching over all of us...
.......waiting to guide us (when we're ready) into:
The Light of The Grace............
Mahalo
Mahalkita
Vous voir bientot, ma cherie.
-A
