The 8th of March, A Letter

My Dearest Athena,

Twenty years ago, today, you were the victim of rape.  I know that you still have difficulty in saying the ‘r’ word.

It was unbelievably hard.  Trust was out the window.  Betrayal was a regular at the table.  Self-loathing was a constant companion.  No amount of showers ever helped you to feel clean and whole again.

Cocooning was a pretty way of saying ‘withdrawal’ and ‘hermit’.  And your sudden outbursts of rage and the adult tantrums that seemingly came out of nowhere…were..dare I say…pretty ugly.

Self-medication became your ‘go-to’ and you essentially became a bitch to be around.

Yet, do you realize now how understandable it all was?  The denial and doubt wrapped around you like a blanket of comfort. And it all piled up in there…the adjectives that lived in Shadow: dirty, unlovable, undesirable, not.good.enough, ugly, ALL YOUR FAULT, unworthy, s.h.a.m.e….the dark whispered these things and more.

With shut eyes and falling tears, your ears could not ignore them all.

You chased after numbness.  You craved reprieve.

Ultimately, the downside to this was that all you tried to repress would eventually find its way out.  You know this to be TRUE…

Squirming with discomfort, you wriggled away and plastered that smile on your face.  Ego falsified the documents.  Pride signed them off and your Spirit sat in silence, waiting patiently with a sparkle of hope.

Days turned into months which flowed into years.

The Dam finally broke and Pandora’s Box could not stay closed any longer.

Denial and Doubt drifted.  Finally, the whispers from the dark changed.  The Victim that cocooned emerged from its shell, looking for a different path to take.

The Survivor began to Seek and the way forward was riddled with questions.

Some were answered in silence or in meditation.  Dreams and visions found their way through in Ceremony and Ritual.  Healing was slow and arduous, but thankfully, it became a companion on this part of the Journey.

Twenty years later, you are a crisis counselor and advocate for survivors of sexual assault and domestic violence.  You are a DrumKeeper.  You are the proud owner of your very own business: Mahal Unlimited..and you are Thriving…

Most importantly, you learned to sit with the Dark and sing to the Shadows.  You found that the Light within you never left and you needed to find a way to illuminate it.

The Ever After you longed for just needed to be written By You and Only YOU.

You truly have become Mahal…

Glad you found your way back to who you truly are…
Mahal = Love

Yogurt Parfait

Yogurt Parfait
The Anti-KFC

This is Vegan, Soy free, Gluten Free, Non GMO/mostly Organic and Low Glycemic 

You will need nine 8 oz jars for this recipe. 
Ingredients for base:
GF rolled oats: 1 tbl sp 
Ground flax meal: 1 tbl sp 
GF Granola (optional: 1 tbl sp)
Hemp seeds: 1 tbl sp, ¼ tsp
Cinnamon: 2-3 dashes

Ingredients for filling:
Unsweetened almond yogurt (I buy the 24 oz): 2-3 tbl sp
Monk fruit sweetener (optional: to taste)
Coconut sugar (optional: to taste)
Strawberries (1 package): chopped in quarters
Blueberries (1 package)
Or any seasonal fruit of your choice

I loved the parfait dessert from KFC as a kid so this is my adult, healthier version. It’s great for breakfast or a snack. With my last doctor‘s visit, I needed to be mindful of a few things: lowering my cholesterol, decreasing my sugar intake, and stabilizing my flora/digestive system.
To begin your base, take one scoop of gf oats and place on the bottom of each jar. Begin to layer with granola, hemp seeds, flax meal and cinnamon. Next is the yogurt, about 2-3 heaping table spoons (tbl sp). Then time for the 2-3 tbl sp of fruit, layered more with 1-2 tbl sp of yogurt. Top it off with more flax, hemp seeds, cinnamon and lastly a few blueberries. 
Enjoy and Bon Appetit!

Dearly Beloved

In the dark, all we could hear was the hiss of the stones.  

Some around us breathed heavily as the heat slowly covered us.  

I lowered my head to the Earth.  

My hand reached for the unknown and he caught it, 

grasping it as his fingers intertwined with mine.

I sang, low to the ground, projecting my voice.  

They listened.  

I placed my hand on him as I sang in the dark and his voice joined mine.  

The prayers swirled and danced with the Ancestors.

I needed to lean, 

I needed to finally let go and feel support.  

He was there next to me, 

heart bleeding and his soul baring all.

Being held in the Womb of the Great Mother's arms,

the Sacred Ancestors singing at our feet,

I was left as though naked and raw

facing the Black Mirror within.

And he held my hand through it all

and my armor melted.

We leaned into each other,

my lips kissing his open palm

and even now...

these words are not enough.

Soul

and

Heart Calling

with a

Fire

blazing

in the background.

....

The Voices started their whispering after we all crawled out.  I didn't know what to say or how to act.  Pretend like it didn't happen? Re-remember who we were from the time before?  Ceremony has this way of peeling off the layers and removing any defensive armor we've brought with us.

I felt confusion and slight guilt for what occurred.  I felt as though I betrayed someone dear to me and I also wondered why I couldn't just receive it as a Gift for that's what it truly was.

In all my years I've been on the Red Road, this was my first time something like this transpired.  It never felt wrong at the time it occurred, it was only afterward I allowed the Voices to slither with their whispers.

They began to infiltrate the cracks and seams of whatever defenses were left.  Then, my Onto family stepped in with their Love and Wisdom.

'The Past is Complete.'

I closed the Door then.  To those Fears and Old Stories.  To the times I was hurt by men.  To the pain that said I was unlovable.  To the wounds that lied and said I was broken.  I kissed the door and nodded my Good-Bye.

I am Whole today.  I am Grace today.  I am Light today. 

I embody LOVE always.

I felt you, my Dear Beloved, in those sweet gentle hands that held me with such care.

I felt you in the songs and prayers,

in the fires and the wind...

and in every step I take.

~~~~

PC: unknown

‘A’ word with The Darkness

‘A’ word With The Darkness 

(From an Addict’s perspective)

By: Athena Arcayan 

Photo taken in 2012, from L to R:

Danny, myself and Tony

I spent many hours of the day and night with my friend, Tony, talking about the ‘A’ word. We would refer to it as The Darkness, a tongue-in-cheek reference to the band but in reality, it was too fitting and apropos a description. 

Sometimes the Elephant in the room, the bane of so many is: Addiction. 

Tony’s drug of choice was Heroin aka Smack.  I asked him once if the feeling ever went away. 

‘You mean: me wanting it all the time? No. Never. It never goes away.’

I’d have this mental picture of a Dark Cloud always hovering over him or near him. I thought if I ever did a painting of it, this might be an accurate depiction. 

I’m an Addict as well. I can easily check off all the boxes of infamous NA* and AA* meetings I’ve attended. AND, I can certainly relate to OA* and SAA*. If my Addiction were to ever be painted, it would be a painting of me with large holes in different spots on my body, especially around my heart. They’re very much like empty spots, unable to be filled by anything but disease and the hunger of addiction.

My journey started years ago with alcohol and then turned to pill popping. I struggled with it for decades until I received a wake up call where I had to choose between living and dying. When I finally decided to remove them from my life, I replaced the alcohol & drugs with food, sex and other distractions. It took many many hours of therapy, friends, spiritual work, ceremonies/rituals to help heal and tend to the ‘holes’ of my heart, mind, body and spirit. 

I wanted to share a little bit of my story, with the intention of attempting to share my friend’s pain because I think it might help to bring some semblance of understanding and to also shed some light. 

Why? (Some might ask.)

Recently, a friend of a friend lost someone she cared about to his Addiction. He had also OD’d on heroin and I can almost hear her inner dialogue of grief:

- ‘Why didn’t I (insert anything from call or be there more, etc.)?’

- ‘Why didn’t he/she call me?’

- ‘Why do I feel so guilty?’

As my friend stood still, doing her best to not look me in the eye as tears rolled down her face, I grabbed her hand and told her:

‘I’m sorry this happened. It wasn’t your fault. There was nothing more you could have done. You did all you could do.’

And that, unfortunately, is the sad truth for so many, too. 

This Darkness is much bigger than ANY of us. 

It blocks out Love. 

It consumes. 

It is never satiated and is ALWAYS hungry. 

It never has enough and always wants MORE. 

It’s as though it were a Black Hole, sucking the breath and life all around it. It Takes. And what it gives back in return is pain, suffering, longing, and inevitably: death. There is the temporary euphoria and reprieve from pain, but it comes at a very high cost. At times, in the end, your Life is cashed in as payment.

It’s a similar feeling to those seeking solace at the bottom of a glass or bottle (of alcohol). The difference is it comes in liquid form and from a societal standpoint, it’s more socially accepted (less judgement, in my opinion). 

The Root Cause? The source of where the suffering stems from varies person to person. Some have suffered from a myriad of abuses throughout their lives. Some of it is hereditary. Some come from good homes and normal/healthy upbringings with no history of Addiction whatsoever. Some had little to no coping skills on how to maneuver and manage their emotions throughout their life. 

My friend, the one who walked with his Darkness finally succumbed to it after nearly 4 decades of struggling with it. I, like many others, was a phone call away but instead he fed his unsatiated hunger, which resulted in him dying later of a cardiac arrest. 

News of his death spread fairly quickly.  Disbelief, shock, anger and tears rippled throughout the community of friends and loved ones. It’s taken me a year to write about it and finally share. 

My heart went out to my friend as she struggled to put words to her grief and name the culprit who was responsible for the death of someone she cared for deeply. 

When we can name things and share things authentically, it can help those that still live with ‘The Darkness’. It breaks my heart to know that many feel alone and are too steeped in their suffering to see any other way out. 

For those of you who live with Addiction and this Darkness, you are NOT alone and there’s always help. I pray that you have the willingness and trust to reach out and ask for it.  There are people that care, love you and want to help. Trust and Believe me with All My Heart. 

I’ve been to the bottom of the Pit. One thing I know is this: there’s only one way out of that Pit and that’s UP. 

For those of you grieving, I am sorry for your loss and my heart goes out to you.  I think one of the most challenging things is not the actual death part but being left behind and not being able to be with the ones we love anymore. 

For me, to have gotten to this place I’m at today is due to the willingness of being HONEST with myself. When I got to that point of realization, the next step I took was allowing myself to Feel everything. All. The. Feels. Then, I found people I could trust to share what was going on/what I was feeling, etc. After that, I made healthy choices physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. I found a practice (or a series of things) that helped me to work through things in a positive way. I participate in regular Ceremonies/Rituals.  I write and create. I decide every day if I want to be Happy (or not) and extend Gratitude to both the good and bad. Others have found that yoga or hiking, etc. help them. Or they go to the gym or find a church because they’re in need of some kind of Community. Some join AA, NA, etc. Find something that resonates with you. It’s out there. 

‘The wound is the place where the Light enters you.’ -Rumi

The Darkness can only live within if you continue to feed it. When the Soul Sustenance is Light and you truly welcome Love to nourish you, that’s where you can begin to experience freedom from suffering. 

Please know I hold you all in my heart with Gratitude and infinite Love. 

Let’s help one another. 

(Listed Below are links that may assist with information on addiction, counselling, etc.)

For Addiction:

- Alcoholics Anonymous:

https://www.aa.org

- Narcotics Anonymous:

https://www.nar-anon.org

- SAMHSA:

https://www.samhsa.gov/find-help/national-helpline

For the Bereaved/Grieving:

- Project Know:

https://www.projectknow.com

- New Beginnings Rehab:

https://www.newbeginningsdrugrehab.org/guide-to-dealing-with-death-of-addict

- GRASP:

http://grasphelp.org/m/

*

NA=Narcotics Anonymous 

AA=Alcoholics Anonymous 

OA=Overeaters Anonymous 

SAA=Sex Addicts Anonymous 

(Background story of the photo above: This was taken in 2012, outside the tattoo shop Danny owned and Tony worked at, just before I left for Europe. Danny died in 2013. Tony followed him 4 years later in 2017. Both struggled with drugs and addiction).

The Mirror

                                  

The Mirror
Writing piece by: Athena Arcayan           Photo Credit: Marc Timmons aka Crazy

There’s a Myth about The Mirror. Not the one that steams up when you take a shower. Not the one you use to put on your make up or shave your face. This one lies within. 

It comes in many forms. Sometimes it takes on the face of a lover. Sometimes a story. Sometimes, like Love, it comes when you least expect it. 

And when you look whole heartedly, with your Heart wide open and all armor has been cast off… when your Spirit soars in the clouds and stars beyond… when you can surpass the bullshit and ego driven desire… 

What Will You See?

When the Flames of a beautiful Fire are burning before you, the stories and laughter its source of fuel… when even the biggest rainstorm pours buckets and that Fire still stays lit… when your prayers are answered in laughter that echoes into the valley… when pure, radiant Love stands before you…
Will you run? Will you stand with open arms to receive? Will it be a burden you carry and then reject or will you see it as a Gift?

When Love comes knocking, will you pretend no one’s home or will you answer the door?

What we say, what we do and what we express is an all encompassing mirror, reflecting to the World and ourselves exactly Who We Are. 

Shine Love. Shine Bright. Shine gracefully into the Light. 

More to come....

Salad Du Jour

Who says salad can’t be sexy? ;) Serio. Thanks to @marymary573 for the yummylicious cilantro dressing and cashew cheeze. If you’re wondering what else is stacked in that goodness pile: romaine lettuce, spinach, flax meal, hemp seeds, colored cabbage mix, sautéed corn w/ Basil, nooch & h.salt. Bon Appetit!

#messagetomysister

Are you ready? Get ready. Please Open Heartfully and Joyfully. Hear/feel these words from The Hearts and Spirits of Divine Love:

We Adore You. The You that is Powerful, Smart, Courageous, Amazing, Beautiful, Kind, Generous and Graceful. 

We Love You. The Hidden bits. The In Your Face bits. The All or Nothing bits. 

We Admire You. The Lioness. The Goddess. The Queen. The Warrioress. The Healer. 

We Respect You. How You Choose To Walk/Talk with Integrity, Hope and Grace. 

We Honor You. From Maiden/Sister/Aunt/Mother/Grandmother/Crone/Elder/WiseWoman. 

Let us continue to support one another. To inspire and uplift each other. Let us Forgive ourselves so we can forgive others. Let us speak and act with the mindfulness of creating our worlds and dreaming them into BEing.

From stone, we emerge forth to greet any challenge or obstacle for that is where our strength resides.  From air, we rise and soar towards the heavens, carried by the wings of those who came before us. From earth, we cultivate our gardens burying our treasures (of pain and pleasures) so they can sprout like seeds, building a foundation of Who We Are. From fire, we burn bright like the stars of the cosmos, lighting the Way so others can See what lies beyond. From water, we ride each wave with a welcoming giggle, in awe of the depths that we dive into again and again, each time evolving and releasing any karma that no longer serves our highest Self. 

May this message shower you with blissful blessings of Love, Gratitude and Inspiration. 

Let this BE an Invitation to share the Truth that lives within the depths of your heart and soul.
#messagetomysister #messagetoallmysistars #goddess #circleofsistars #youinspireme #singanddrumyourtruth

Momentary Reprieve

Momentary Reprieve 
I finally have a moment to catch my breath. I was watching the shadows and light dance as I set my coffee cup down. 
Here at the beach house, the black dress I’m wearing is camouflaging me as I sit typing on my friends’ black couch. In one week, I became unemployed, displaced and had to evacuate. Then, I slept somewhat in my car with the Stars to keep me company. Dear friends offered their homes as I tried to hold it all together with my usual brave front. 
This morning, it just hit me. ALL of it. My own emotions and thoughts and questions and doubts. As I scrolled through my news feed, posts from other displaced friends sharing their own stories…it just fuckin’ hit me and the tears I was doing my best to hold back came flooding down my cheeks. 
The sky here is a mix of grey with hints of blue. The Sun rose this morning. The Wind carries a song only a rare few can hear. The Sea continues to kiss the shore again and again. 
Please do not mistake my tears for weakness. They carry my sadness and frustration, my joy and gratitude, my story of honesty and recovery. They represent all that I cannot say with words and I was finally in a safe enough place to let them flow. 
I don’t know what the future holds for me, for You, for our Community. I know that we can choose to Create it. Whatever we envision, we can Dream It Into BEing. 
It’s been a tumultuous ride for me…from shock, fear, sadness, reflection. To gratitude. 
Now? I’m feeling antsy. I want to go Home. I also want to hide under the covers and not Adult, but that’s the opposite of being productive…and I need to Channel this energy into creating…something! 
My heart goes out to the many friends that have lost their homes. I know some are gathering this weekend to be together, play music and to just be there for one another. 
I still need some more alone time. I need to write, heal, cry, laugh and create. 
I’m with you all in Spirit. Loving you All always. 
That’s all for now. Will update more soon. 

Reflection

Reflection:

I have mix matched socks on. I had to get dressed in the Dark and in a hurry. The only light I had was from my phone. In the background, sirens were blaring and the wind was blowing debris against the windows and doors. A voice via a megaphone was instructing me to evacuate. Not even 5 min and I had to choose what would go with me. The ‘essentials’. Drum? Check. Laptop? Check. Sleeping Bag? Check. A few clothing items? Check. Socks and shoes? Check.

I rushed out to my car and I stopped in my tracks. The fire from the hillside that was a few hundred feet from the building was engulfed in flames. La Luna was hidden by Darkness and smoke. Someone pulled over and I leaned in to see if they needed help but they had their phone out to take a picture. Cars were lining the streets. People were staring up mesmerized by the scene before us that resembled Hell and The Apocalypse. I honestly didn’t know where to go. I thought of a place I felt safe so I headed there. I called them, but no answer so I parked in front of their house in Oxnard. I stared down the dark, unlit street. A few stars twinkled at me. I checked social media for updates and news. Fear set in. What will be left standing in the morning? I may have nothing left except for what I took with me, what I had on and whatever was in my storage.

That hit me hard. And I knew I wasn’t the only one.

Calls and texts started to come in. Places were being set up for evacuees to go. I didn’t really want to be around people. I didn’t want to break down in front of anyone and wear my fear on my face. I wanted to hide in the night and seek solace by myself. I wanted to go inward.

I was just laid off on Friday and now this. When I asked The Universe: What’s Next? I had little preparation for...well, THIS.

Fire cleanses. Fire brings renewal. Fire burns what we no longer need or want. Our inner fires can never be put out.

I slept in my car, curled up in my sleeping bag that reminds me of orange sherbet. Regardless of what happens, I’m alive. I’m safe. I have people in my life whom I love and care for. I have their prayers.

The Cross continues to smolder. Homes have been burned to the ground. And yet, Bell Arts Still Stands. Like a Beacon Of Hope through this destruction and devastation. For me, it symbolizes something so profound and meaningful. We will Create. We will continue to Dream. We will Rebuild.

Hopefully, through this tragedy we will rise from the ashes and get through this together and make this city EVEN BETTER. The citizens of this beloved community are some of the best people I know.

I love you All.

The Better Helper

When I was a kid, we didn’t have a whole lot of $. We made do on government food and a military budget shopping excursion at the Commissary.  I grew up on junk food (kool-aid, chicken nuggets, Hamburger Helper and PB&J's) and I’m grateful I’m eating a lot healthier as an adult today. :)
I was craving comfort food on this cold California night and I loved this one particular Hamburger Helper dish that was pasta, cheese, marinara sauce & (gasp!) ground beef (before my non meat eating days). I decided to make a vegan, gluten free version.  Here's the recipe:

1-2 tbl spoons of Earth Balance vegan butter (I use the soy free one)
1 Better Than Meat pattie
1 box of Daiya cheddar mac n cheese
1-2 cups of marinara sauce
1/4 cup of nooch = nutritional yeast
Himalayan salt to taste
good music to dance to while cooking!

In medium pot, fill 3/4 with water and heat on high until boiling.  Place pasta in water and stir occasionally until al denta (about 5-min).  Rinse with cold water and set aside.  In medium size sauce pan, saute butter on medium heat. Place BTM pattie in the middle and after a minute or two, separate pattie with fork and spread out.  Cook for about 5 min. On low heat, add pasta, cheeze and marinara sauce.  Mix well.  Don't forget to do some dance moves!  Lastly, add nooch and H salt.

Et voila! 

Suffice it to say...it was Delish!! Memories of my childhood rushed forth and my heart (and belly) were so warm and fuzzy. Bon Appetit!

Haunted Treasure

It's not that the Loneliness was present, 

in full bloom blast like the dying tree in the distance…

It was the Haunting silence after a solitary car 

swooshes by and nothing echoes for miles, 

just my heart beating rhythmically, 

the only familiar sound to keep me company.

I spend all my waking hours day dreaming 

and the excitement to be free to Adventure 

is almost too much to contain. 

Packing, preparing and finally getting behind the wheel, 

shuffling through my music selection 

for the perfect road trip soundtrack….

Wishing beyond hope this will somehow 

take me away from my mortal and impermanent life, 

my loneliness and the vast emptiness 

I sometimes feel (and never speak of).

And in one quick moment, it's captured right there. 

Encapsulated in a single, beautiful image I never knew 

I would come face to face with.

A Mirror. And what lay hidden all along.

The Buried Treasure I had forgotten long ago, 

waiting to be uncovered, to once more see the Light of Day.

Song Circle

Song Circle, Friday Dec. 30th 7-8pm
Studio 78 @ Bell Arts
432 Ventura Ave, Ventura Ca

Intention:
The Intention of each Song Circle is to create a Sacred Space where it's safe to express one's voice. We utilise Song as a medium to release what no longer serves us and to open channels for healing and creative expression. The indigenous songs themselves (some that are sung in Ceremonies) call on ancestral wisdom and ancient healing. Sitting in Circle and a way of Counsel links us back to a time when tribes would sit around fires and share their stories. There is no hierarchy.
Musical instruments, especially the Drum, represents not only one's heart beat but Mother Earth and the Community. We sit around a drum, unifying with each drum beat as our voices collectively gather in every song.
We gather to Sing, to Share, to Connect and to Heal in a Sacred Ceremonial Space.
All are welcome especially children.  Please bring a drum/musical instrument and an open heart.  This event is free but donations are welcome to cover Studio costs.  Please PM if you have any questions.<3 p="">

Tears In Alchemy

I am unraveling. Things that were buried are now being unearthed. The shadows and deep hurts are revealing themselves more & more. Doors left ajar with repeated wounded stories are being closed. Mirrors in the form of old lovers are illuminating parts of me that I can forgive so things can heal and shift. It's not easy. Sometimes I just isolate and sit with it.
I mourn the buried treasure that now needs to be excavated and released.
Now in this very moment I turn towards the Grace and the Stars. Even hidden in the tears are sparkles of Light. Tucked away in the Darkness awaits the birth of a whole new world...

Where Grace Lives

It’s like this calling or longing...a great desire within me to travel the world in search of the missing pieces of myself.  A Global Pilgrimage if you will.  But, I’m not entirely sure I’m searching for the missing parts or if I’m just hoping to find my ‘Heart Home’ where Grace lives.

Sometimes I feel like many things are happening simultaneously.  I feel this restlessness to wander, explore and travel while sitting in stillness enjoying the present moment.  

A dichotomy that feels like an internal struggle where there is no victory, only more inquiry.

And sometimes, I feel as though I am a visitor in my own home.

There’s more.  It’s like a craving or gnawing hunger that food cannot simply satiate.  It is the Unseen thing flickering in your peripheral but gone when you turn to look at it head on.

It is Mystery incarnate.  It is beyond words and linear understanding.  

It is the ecstatic Love that was once tasted and then suddenly gone with no warning.  The unspoken and unanswered question of wondering if it will ever show up again.  The wanting of being Loved but holding All at arms length because that’s all you’ve known since and Fear has kept you company.

The unknowing of Who You Are at times and what you were meant to do on this Earthly plane of existence.

I know what I must do.  I need to Integrate.  Weave all my experiences, lessons, loss, love, tears, giggles...ALL of it into a Cosmic Blanket of Stars that turn into Wings when I need them so I can Soar and Flyyyyyyyyyy.... and when it has run its course, they turn into dirt and dust allowing me to feel the First Connection: Mother Earth.  Where we ALL belong and come from.

Full Moon Reflection

As I stared into the glow of La Luna, I envisioned her bathing my entire body with Her moonlight.
I'm sure it may have seem odd to some. A lone woman, standing in the middle of the street and gazing up into the night sky. Her eyes and face mirroring love and awe.
In many myths, the Moon is female and the Sun is male. In one of my stories, it is the reverse. A Love Story for another time.

My thoughts stray to my Family. Not the one I was born into but the one I chose. My True Kapwa.
I reflected on our Ceremonies, how much I love it and how much the Community means to me. In words I simply cannot convey. It is the most precious time where we collectively gather and open our hearts to the mysteries of this Earth, and where our Spirits dance in and out of our dreams. It is a time where our hearts beat as one and our voices carry each other right alongside the Wind. It's where we share our secrets and stories by the fire. It is in this Sacred Safe Space where Love does not need a Voice, it is felt instantaneously like how one draws in breath or how a Mother wraps her arms around her children in comfort.

It is when we step out of Ceremony and rejoin the 'outside' world, where I try to reach with invisible hands ways to remind me of this 'ceremonious connection'. I dial numbers, I use my fingertips to spell out words... I reach out to those that were there so I can re-remember that it was real and that it DID happen... And how can I feebly attempt to feel that way again?
Connected. Loved. Seen. Heard. Validated. Embraced. Acknowledged.

Wholeheartedly.

That's my process of how I try to integrate the experience while still feeling Connected. The challenging dance of needing solitude for decompression and still feeling a part of the Circle created by the Ceremony.

I've also come to realize the magic of my Ancestors. Understanding how, who and what WE are. Connecting, networking, revealers of Love and Grace.
This magic runs in our blood. It is seen in tiny glimpses when our eyes twinkle.
And when I close my eyes tonight, it is always my wish to dream and adventure within all the realms hoping to meet some familiar Spirits along the Way.

Mirror Mirror

I see and feel YOU.

The You that swims in the depths of these knowing waters.

Unreachable.  Unfathomable.

I try to speak but words are convenient and not apropos for this....one fleeting moment...

From Sky to Sea, there is nothing but our Reflections and our Story.

Jump! Dive even in uncertainty.

Trust.  Have faith.

Let Love be your guide.