My Dearest Athena,
Twenty years ago, today, you were the victim of rape. I know that you still have difficulty in saying the ‘r’ word.It was unbelievably hard. Trust was out the window. Betrayal was a regular at the table. Self-loathing was a constant companion. No amount of showers ever helped you to feel clean and whole again.
Cocooning was a pretty way of saying ‘withdrawal’ and ‘hermit’. And your sudden outbursts of rage and the adult tantrums that seemingly came out of nowhere…were..dare I say…pretty ugly.
Self-medication became your ‘go-to’ and you essentially became a bitch to be around.
Yet, do you realize now how understandable it all was? The denial and doubt wrapped around you like a blanket of comfort. And it all piled up in there…the adjectives that lived in Shadow: dirty, unlovable, undesirable, not.good.enough, ugly, ALL YOUR FAULT, unworthy, s.h.a.m.e….the dark whispered these things and more.
With shut eyes and falling tears, your ears could not ignore them all.
You chased after numbness. You craved reprieve.
Ultimately, the downside to this was that all you tried to repress would eventually find its way out. You know this to be TRUE…
Squirming with discomfort, you wriggled away and plastered that smile on your face. Ego falsified the documents. Pride signed them off and your Spirit sat in silence, waiting patiently with a sparkle of hope.
Days turned into months which flowed into years.
The Dam finally broke and Pandora’s Box could not stay closed any longer.
Denial and Doubt drifted. Finally, the whispers from the dark changed. The Victim that cocooned emerged from its shell, looking for a different path to take.
The Survivor began to Seek and the way forward was riddled with questions.
Some were answered in silence or in meditation. Dreams and visions found their way through in Ceremony and Ritual. Healing was slow and arduous, but thankfully, it became a companion on this part of the Journey.
Twenty years later, you are a crisis counselor and advocate for survivors of sexual assault and domestic violence. You are a DrumKeeper. You are the proud owner of your very own business: Mahal Unlimited..and you are Thriving…
Most importantly, you learned to sit with the Dark and sing to the Shadows. You found that the Light within you never left and you needed to find a way to illuminate it.
The Ever After you longed for just needed to be written By You and Only YOU.
You truly have become Mahal…
Glad you found your way back to who you truly are…
Mahal = Love
