Monday, July 19, 2010

A Priceless Piece

Journal entry dated May 26th, 2010

He stepped in with pink squares printed on his shoes. He had to be reminded again to take them off. The burgundy nectar he had been sipping on stained his teeth and the inside of his bottom lip was a twinge darker then the upper portion. His smile appeared sinister and sweet.

He loomed over everything it seemed and the archway barely fit his towering frame.

He also took the liberty of giving himself a tour of the apartment, heading straight to the bedroom..ending up...here. All of a sudden, he had the urge to paint on my wall, the space directly above the pseudo-fireplace. In a pleasantly surprised awe of his audacity at such a request, I willingly stepped out of his way...going into the kitchen to make some tea and I came back to the sight of him taking things down ssssssslowlllllyyyyyy with the exception of the red painting which he apparently yanked off the wall.

scritch scritch scrape scrape giggle giggle

He took the entire wall and lapsed over onto the adjacent wall as well. I offered him tea. He requested wine. I told him there was none. Had to mention 'straight-edge' a few times. Then, he asked for rum which I surprisingly stock; for baking purposes. I offered the rum or the tea and he chose both, drinking them one after the other.

I took up a corner and watched with a bemused look on my face.

The curvature of the hips he did first. Then, the back.... slowly adding thighs, legs, the neck, etc. The head, a chaos of squiggle lines and swirls, made it's way to the top portion of the neck. The woman, in her unintentional seduction, had no face, no name, no identity.

As he waved his hand in a visual symphony, I took up my pen and journal attempting to capture this unexpected scene.

Words became my............ paint,
the blank pages....................... my canvas.

Restless again. Journal entry dated May 24th, 2010

Restless. The night sends no relief. I've been burying myself with books trying to forget. Trying so hard not to count the days. The shadows call. I try to ignore the work I must do. Sanity loosely felt on fingertips. Flashbacks of him and our nights together I do my best to not recall. It is futile.

Sunday, July 18, 2010

Message sent on June 2nd, 2010

For the days when it seems too hard to go on, where you feel that all life has to offer you is struggle or how you can't seem to see anything past your pain...fear not, mon cher...for you are blazing a path for others to find....and in doing so, your example will lead them through...to find the strength, courage and hope within themselves....to carry on..........

Journal Entry dated 070510

I am restless. The Dragon inside me has this great burning desire to breathe fire and destroy everything in its path. I am hungry but no matter what I eat, nothing seems to be enough...nothing tastes good...I don't know what's wrong with me. I feel imbalanced, uncentered and drained. I feel trapped. I want to be free of this. I can't really explain it but it makes me panic. As if I'm overstimulated. Overwhelmed. Wired but exhausted at the same time.

Underground No More...

I hadn't realized that it's been a few months since my last blog. My apologies. Things have been very different for me these past couple of months. Job ended in May. Groovephest happened that last day...which brought a whole new branch into my life. Boyfriend/lover arrived. Then, left on tour. Then, came back. Then, craziness. Then, break...down.....
What can I say but I learned a great deal. And in between that, new writing pieces, new ideas for paintings (even started sketching), shaman workshop, munay-ki re-emergence which is most welcome, heartache and tears, laughter and a realization that I'm a promiscuous individual when it comes to my spiritual practices. Or maybe it just sounds more intriguing when put in that fashion. It thoroughly amuses me. A more PG version would be that I would have all the great spiritual influences of the past, present and future at my dinner table. Can you imagine the conversations? Not too mention the plethora of food...and I wonder if I could get away with the dinner being completely vegan...I mean Buddha wouldn't have a problem with it but Jesus may want tri-tip...you just never know...
I'm currently trying to not analyze and reflect. I went walking on the beach with my friend, her aunt and a couple of dogs. I found two rocks shaped like hearts. I got melancholy for a bit and then by the end, I was hopping on fading footprints. The ocean has that effect on me.
The previous day, I was on a boat at a lake. Lake Nacimiento to be exact. I think it was 107 degrees. Hummus, veggies, frozen water bottles, chips & salsa, frozen guacamole that tasted surprisingly good when thawed out and gluten-free, vegan chocolate chip cookies were my main source of sustenance for that day. The group I was with were sweet, kind and refreshing. It was just too damn hot to think....but even then, I found myself retreating back into the caverns in my mind....and I would have to stare off into the distance, concentrate on the water or do a chant and I would alleviate my over-worked mind temporarily...
..........................but enough chatter for now......................I'll be posting some stories in a bit......................................................................be well......................-A